Page 53 of Ghost of a Chance
“That’s how he communicates with me, but I don’t have your gift.Was he trying to share something with you?”he asked.Even two days ago he wouldn’t have uttered those words but now he was confident in her ability and knew she had a gift that he didn’t understand.
“Uh… I don’t…it was like I could sense feelings more than words,” she said.
“What were they?”
“Fear of rejection, like I didn’t belong.Does this sound like Paul?”
Giving her a soft smile, he said, “That sounds like all of us in college.”
“Are you trying to make me feel better?”
“Is it working?”
“Maybe.Does what I describe sound like Paul?”
She didn’t want to share her feelings…they had to be strong.Of course they were.He’d stood next to her in the rain and felt waves of something dark coming off of her.
* * *
Revealing any of what she felt was anathema.There was no way she was admitting to any part of that girl she’d been.If he wanted to know the emotions…but then she realized that he wouldn’t necessarily know they were hers.He was positive she had a real ability, was channeling Paul.
She was the only one who knew the truth.
“I don’t know.We didn’t talk about shit like that.I mean I know he was stressed about his classes.”
“Why?”
Jasper wouldn’t meet her eye and looked away finding a rock to toss into the lake.“He didn’t want to fail again.You know now that I think about it he had a lot of anxiety around school.He was always telling me to make sure I didn’t fall behind and shit like that.”
“That’s sort of what I felt.I guess it resonated with me because I felt the same pressures at school.My mom and I could only afford four semesters of college.I couldn’t drop a class or fail it.The pressure was crazy,” she admitted.
But that stress hadn’t been what she’d felt in the room.Instead, it was closer to the lingering ickiness from Buck and how he’d treated her.But as much as she was beginning to trust Jasper, revealing that part of her life felt far out of reach.
“That sucks.I…because my dad died after being hit by another driver, we had a settlement, so my tuition was covered,” he said.“Mom wanted me to have the full college experience.Dad and her met at a junior college and then she got pregnant with me, so she thought they’d both missed out.”
“That’s nice of her.”It was sweet, the way his mom had worked so hard to make sure he was okay.But the pressure Jasper must have felt.
“Thanks.So was that it, really?You seemed way more intense than if it was just about financial stress.There was something in your eyes that seemed, I don’t know, scared,” he said.
He wasn’t going to drop this.
Did he think she was holding something back that would help their project?Hell, she wanted to know what was going on too and get Paul the fuck wherever he was meant to go so she could go back to her comfortable place.Where she wasn’t hearing loud, creepy voices or being overwhelmed by dark emotions.That place where she could keep telling herself she was pretending to be a medium.
“There were other things…but I don’t want to discuss them.”It was time to pivot.“One thing I’ve been wondering is, how was Paul’s relationship?You said he and Victor planned to get married, right?”
“Yeah.They were super happy.They weren’t into tons of PDA but I’d catch them exchanging looks when we’d be out.They had this connection that you really don’t see all that often.”
So no anxiety there.Maybe that had been how her body had reacted to Paul’s stress.She really wasn’t sure.“I guess that’s it then.Should we head back?”
“Not yet.Snack time.There’s a place over here where we can sit.”
She couldn’t keep her eyes off of him.There was something about him that drew her in.It had been easy to give in to that impulse when her guard was down earlier.But she didn’t have that excuse now.
She didn’t need it.
She was a grown-ass woman; it was okay to like a guy.She had to shake lingering doubt from remembering what had happened with Buck.It stuck to her, like she’d walked through a spiderweb and couldn’t get it off.No matter how many times she brushed it away, it was still there.
Buck didn’t deserve to have any influence on her life.She’d been so meaningless to him that letting him have this kind of power pissed her off.What was wrong with her that she couldn’t shove that jackass out of her mind?
