Page 91 of Ghost of a Chance
Of course he was.Who could resist the longing and sadness in his voice?Not her.She hadn’t been kidding about still being mad.She was petty enough to want to hold on to it longer.
“You’re explaining it fine.I get it.Truly I do but this is important and it gives us another link to Paul, which is helpful.”
He rubbed the back of his neck like he did when he got tense.She hated that she was softening.Had been since the moment he’d mentioned his dad.If there was one thing she understood better than most it was how a missing person could take up more of your life than the people who were in it every day.
For her there were questions that she’d never asked her mom.Hadn’t wanted to hurt her mom by even bringing it up.Mistakenly she’d thought that maybe it was easier for Jasper because his dad had died.
Dillon Henson had left her because he didn’t want to be a father, Jasper Cotton senior hadn’t had a choice.In her mind it had seemed clearer…simpler.But when emotions were involved nothing was that simple.
“I’m not…” She wanted to say she wasn’t mad but she was.“I get why you didn’t want to talk about him.We have had a lot of talks about ourselves and you never brought this up.”
That was it.The real reason for her anger.She got that she had walls.But she had let him in.She thought he’d recognize that when she’d invited him to sleep in her bed.Why hadn’t he?
“I’m sorry.You are right to be mad.What does it say about me that I didn’t even feel bad about keeping it to myself until Victor told you… It should have been me.”
“It says you’re human.”She did that too.She hadn’t mentioned that her psychic talent wasn’t really a thing and Aza hadn’t really cleared it up.Kirsty felt like she was back to square one with that.
“Thanks.I had wondered about that.”
She gave him the smile she knew he wanted but inside everything was tight.Her heart was beating steadily but there was a sense of panic in her stomach.Like she’d let him in and she shouldn’t have.
One-night stands had been her gold standard for relationships until him.Something that had felt like growth until now.The hurt lashing her heart made her doubt it.
She hated that.Hated it enough to cut herself out of his life.Go back to being people who’d slept together and had a puzzle to finish solving.That was it.
Except her fingers still longed to touch him.Her eyes lingered on his mouth and her heart ached at the thought of not sharing a bed with him again.
* * *
The way she watched him now…he was pretty sure she was going to be majorly pumping the brakes.He didn’t blame her.After all, he’d lied about something big but another part was almost certain she’d been waiting for him to screw up.
Waiting for a chance to push him away.
There was nothing cowardly about her, but when it came to personal relationships she was wary.If he hadn’t been so tied up in himself he would have realized that she wouldn’t be able to get around this one.
“I haven’t touched the story since Paul died…”
“That’s not what’s bothering me.I invited you to sleep with me.I’ve always slept alone…you had to know I thought we were on the same page,” she said.
“Same page.Are we business partners or in a relationship.”
Her mouth got even tighter, and glancing down at her notepad he saw there was a row of skull and crossbones running down the length of it.“There’s usually honesty between both partners.”
“Fair enough.But I’ve come clean now.”
“Heard that from you before.”
He wanted to slam his fist down on the table but stopped himself and just clenched his hands instead.“I’m trying to be open but most of the people I’ve cared about…well, Paul and my dad are dead.I’m not keeping stuff from you to hurt you.I wish you could see that.”
“If you were just a jerk I’d walk away no problem, but you’re not.You talk to me aboutStar Warsand sit next to me when I write.Try to get into a trance to talk to the dead… That guy isn’t one I thought had to keep secrets.”
God, the truth hurt.He couldn’t keep being defensive.He had to tell her what he felt.Show her why he’d be scared.
“There are maybe a handful of people on this planet I care for and you are one of them.”
“Thank you.I care about you too,” she said quietly.“I’m not just hanging on to my anger to be a bitch.Sex with you, that’s easy and fun and no regrets.Sleeping with you is something else.Maybe we moved too fast.There is so much else going on.
“You are dealing with the past and the grief you never let yourself express when Paul died.I think you need to process that first.”
