Page 50 of Ghost of a Chance
“I’m sorry.I’m an ass.I just do what’s right for me.I should have realized I was hobbling your ability to reach Paul by keeping my secrets,” he said, coming closer.The urge to embrace her was so strong that he wrapped his arms around his torso to hold himself back.
“Yeah, you are.I get it.There are things I don’t tell you or want to talk about either.But we both want results, so from now on, no more hiding things from me,” she said.
“Deal.”He went in for a handshake, but she swatted it away with a playfully mocking look.
God why did her prickliness make him feel so good?
* * *
This apartment stirred memories Kirsty thought she’d suppressed forever.
Her ex Buck had lived in a furnished place similar to this.Off campus.With a roommate that he did his best to make sure she never met.This room suddenly made her feel twenty and so insecure.How did one generic room channel one of the worst experiences of her life?
Jasper was beside her, looking all earnest and apologetic, but she was in her head and not in a good place.She couldn’t shake the fucking loud voice in her head, screaming that Jasper wasn’t the only one hiding things.
Standing in this jock’s bedroom just served to remind her of the reasons she’d started hiding who she was.It was easy to say she gave zero fucks if people liked her or not, but that was total bullshit.
Right now she couldn’t even say her mind was on her career or helping Jasper get rid of Paul.The room felt heavy, filled with something more than her own emotions.Doubt, anger, uncertainty all engulfed her.Was she channeling her rejection from Buck?Having some sort of fucked-up emotional flashback?
Humbling to realize that love and rejection had shaped her.Especially when she was liking Jasper so much and he wasn’t leveling with her.
She was scared.Not about rejection.That was a solid part of the core of the woman she was.
“Hey, you okay?You look pale and—”
“I’m fine.I’m going to go outside and get some air while you finish up in here,” she said.
“But it’s rainy.”He sounded concerned.
“I like the rain.”
She walked out of the apartment, hearing the thumps of Jasper following her down the stairs.
As soon as she was outside she walked to the edge of the sidewalk near the wooded area that consisted of a few trees that had seen better days.Spreading her arms out wide, she tipped her head back so that the rain was cascading down her face.
It was her most fervent hope that it would wash away everything being in that apartment had stirred in her.The panic and fear of not being accepted, of not being good enough, were overwhelming.
Jasper’s firm hand touched hers, but she refused to look at him.Until the warmth of his fingers started to register and slowly the storm of emotion started to ebb.
Glancing over at him, she could barely suppress a laugh.He was mimicking her, but his hair was matted to his head and he looked a bit like Chewie after he’d been caught in the rain.It was impossible to look at him now and not remember their first night and how they were almost together.
A slow hum started in the center of her body, spreading outward, driving away the last of the cloudiness inside of her and replacing it with a need so deep it ached.Deeper than anything she’d felt for any other man she’d slept with.
It wasn’t love.Love was a childish fantasy.But this was a…craving.Yes, that was it.She craved him.
It wasn’t logical in the least, but from the moment he splashed his beer over her, her world shifted.That moment had ignited something inside of her that she wasn’t sure would ever fade.
His eyes opened and met hers with an intensity that sent a hot, sharp and fierce current through her.Jolting her like a lightning strike.She went up on tiptoe, pulled his head down to hers with their entwined hands.His mouth was warm and familiar.Just what she needed.
His lips parted, their tongues tangled, warming her from the inside out.The rain barely registered anymore.
This was what she’d been craving.Her heartbeat was steady in her ears, his chest solid against her breasts, sending chills even through her heavy sweater.
He cupped her butt with one hand, drawing her up to him.She pushed her right leg between his and felt his erection solid and strong against the top of her thigh.Desire was driving her now.She needed him.
His hand slipped under her sweater, the rasp of his calloused fingers against the base of her spine ecstasy as he rubbed a small circle there.Their kiss deepened, and it made her melt.
Like nearly into a pile on the wet rainy ground.She was tempted to draw him down to the concrete and get him inside of her any way she could.She was tired of holding back, tired of worrying that she’d get exposed as a fraud, tired of feeling like she was going to let not just everyone but Jasper down.It was so strong that she ripped her mouth from his, stumbling backward.Looking around for a place where they could find some privacy.
