Page 24 of Ghost of a Chance
“Nah.I don’t like to think about him.”Everything with Paul was complicated.And he felt like an ass that he was still mad at Paul for dying.For not being around to see his influence had turned Jasper into a productive, functioning adult…and the book didn’t count.He wanted to talk to his friend, not be haunted by him.
“Dude, this entire exercise…me being stuck in Burlington with only a cameraman, Gia and you is about Paul.You’re going to have to talk about him,” she said in that direct way of hers, cutting right to the core.Leaving him no choice really.
Paul.He didn’t mention that they were cousins or that he’d been more like a brother to him.That was too personal.They’d roomed together sophomore and junior year because the frat they rushed was too expensive.Their place was shabby and a little run-down but had suited them.
“What do you want to know?”
She tipped her head to the side, studying him.What was she hoping to find?When she laughed, he realized he must be pulling a face and shrugged, a blush creeping over his cheeks.
“We were roommates and friends.He was like a brother to me.We had one class together but liked to study either here at Joe’s or in the library.Being at our place…we kept for chill time.Plus, Paul was in a lot of study groups for all his different classes.He liked to discuss topics he studied.”
“Not you?”
“Me not so much.So I usually found a quiet corner and wore my noise-canceling headphones.”
They were walking again toward the bookstore at the end of the block.“Sometimes I go through phases where I’m really into things then not so much.”
“Even now?”she asked.
“Yup.”No use lying.She’d figure out soon enough that he was a drifter, stumbling into things that took hold of him.Like the job at Bri’s show.Like meeting her.He couldn’t say why, but he was starting to feel like he’d been drawn to Kirsty from the first moment because of something bigger.
“Why?”
He stared into the shop window to avoid answering.That was his way.“My dad.”
“Is he one of those real intense and demanding ones?”she asked.
“No, he’s dead.”May as well rip off the bandage.“Is yours demanding?”
“Oh, I’m sorry about your dad.”He quickly glanced at her face.Her eyes were cast down on to the gray sidewalk below them.“No, mine ghosted me and my mom when I was six.Been just the two of us after that.”
“My dad died the night I was born.Car accident on the way to the hospital.Never met him,” he admitted.
She reached out to touch him.Her hand hesitated over his wrist before she seemingly realized what she was doing.She squeezed it and then immediately pulled her hand back, tucking it into the side pocket of her tartan pants.“That’s tough.So how did he affect how you are?”
Man, she didn’t want to hear this.Or rather, he didn’t want to talk about it.This was what he got for trying to avoid telling her anything personal about Paul.“My mom wanted me to know my dad and had his baby book and some sort of school years book left.So everything my dad was pictured doing as a kid, I had to do to ‘connect’ with him.She pushed me to live not just for myself but for him as well.Except he died when he was twenty-four.After college, it was like my life went from being all planned out to just being empty.So I guess I’m…”
“Not sure what to do,” she finished for him.They were in front of the bookstore now.She stepped out of the light foot traffic to settle under the store’s awning, gazing up at him.“What doyouwant?Your job withLive with Bri O’Brienseems like a good one.”
“It is.Pays decent, Bri’s a good boss.But it’s a job.I bet writing’s more than a job for you,” he said.
Her face lit up.
His heart stuttered.
“I love it.Sometimes I hate it and wish I had chosen something else as a career.But you’re right, it’s so much more than a job.”
“I want that.But I still haven’t figured out who I am,” he admitted.Being way more honest than he’d anticipated.
“I don’t have myself figured out either.You’re not supposed to,” she said.“Every day new experiences and people force you to grow and change.That’s the journey of life.”
The door to the bookstore opened as a customer came out.She caught the handle and nodded for him to enter first.He did, thinking about what she said.Maybe because he felt so rudderless compared to everyone else, he’d supposed that she had her shit together.She seemed like she did.
It was one of the things he liked about her.She didn’t hesitate even when things got wonky.Maybe it was because she had been talking to ghosts for most of her life.There was something otherworldly about her and it wasn’t just the way she dressed.There was an aura around her that only he saw.
* * *
Jasper was growing on her.That always happened when she got to know someone new, she was quick to remind herself.Most people one-on-one were interesting.
