Page 25 of Semi Sweet
Knowing I was fighting a losing battle, I watched him walk off my steps and back towards the train station. I let myself in and locked the door behind me, still feeling a bit drunk and stimulated by the whole thing.
"Long hot shower," I said, dropping my keys and shoes. "Or maybe smutty fanfiction, then a long hot shower." I still felt the residual effects of what happened in the bus stop shelter. Was that passion? Had I ever been kissed like that before? The more I tried to think about it, had I ever been so bold before?
With each step, I felt myself becoming heavier. I got to the point where I was trying to crawl down my hallway, and there was no way I’d make it to the bathroom, let alone my office for my laptop.
"Sleep is good,” I said groggily. "Sleep works, too."
Chapter Fourteen: I Guess I'm Going to Keep Playing
Thenextmorning,Ifelt the uncomfortable scratch of my area rug on my face. I opened my eyes and found myself still laying on the floor of my entryway.
"If there was ever a good weekend for Evan to be away, this was it," I murmured to myself.
If I was being honest, though, I would have never been at that party last night if he had been home. When I lifted my head and it felt like someone had hit me with a bottle of tequila, I almost regretted going. I counted on my fingers of the arm outstretched in front of me all the shots I’d had. Five, that was a new record.
I attempted to sit and not only did my head feel worse, but a wave of nausea ran through me.
"Oh God," I cried as I scrambled to my feet. "Ew!"
I made it to the bathroom in time to get sick. Five shots. Why the hell did I think I could handle five shots? My night probably could have gone very differently had I just kept it to three.
I got sick twice more before I finally felt well enough to attempt a shower. I turned on the water and got ready to ditch my dress when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was disheveled, my hair was snarled and my makeup smudged, but the more glaring issue was an angry red spot on the side of my neck.
"Oh no." I panicked, getting closer to the mirror to inspect myself and examine the bruise. I pulled the strap of my dress to the side. "No, no, no, no!"
There were more blemishes on my collarbone as well. Hickeys. This would happen. I'd hook up with someone and my bad karma would leave me riddled with marks that could be noticed. I didn't have to go to Cash Value Market today, but I did have class later tonight.
It all came back to me then. The secret admirer and the dance we quickly shared. The kiss that started off sweet, but had led to the marks on my body. At the time, I’d been impulsive. Now I wasn't sure how I felt. I had kissed another man. I'd held his hand, let him put his hands all over me without protest. Hell, I all but told him to. Had I cheated on Evan?
I took the longest shower of my life. So long, the water became tepid and then cold. I didn't know if I stood there to soak myself clean of what happened or if I was waiting for the guilt to hit me and the tears to start falling. When I began to shake from the cold and there was no change in my feelings, I admitted defeat and toweled off.
Was this the sign I needed? That after this drunken escapade, was I completely out of love with Evan? It didn't change the fact that without him, I had crippling debt and nowhere to live. This mystery person had no reason to care about my well being and it wasn't his job to save me. This man, whoever he was, had told me nothing about himself, and though I highly doubted it, he could be worse than Evan. I told myself I had no option but Evan.
I had been so excited to be alone. Now, I couldn't sit still and when I tried to watch my guilty pleasure shows, the quiet I usually craved was making me want to scream. Before I knew better, I was putting on real clothes and wrapping a chunky scarf around my neck half a dozen times to hide the shameful marks. I slung my school bag over my shoulder and walked to the train station.
I had purposely planned my schedule so that I only had to work one of the days that Evan was gone. I didn't even have anything to do for school, so I felt conflicted after the fifteen minute commute downtown. Would my would-be admirer be there? Would I know him when I saw him? Would he come up to me? Was that why I was coming to Cash Value Market on a day I didn't need to be there? Was that wrong?
I almost felt relieved that things seemed normal as I walked through the automatic doors and towards the café. If anything, things seemed subdued for the middle of the day. I attempted to read for one of my classes, but the fluorescent lights were making my head pound. I stomped over to the coffee canisters and poured myself the largest dark roast they had. Five shots. Why the hell had I done five shots?
"Rough night?"
I looked up to see Max watching me struggle. I shuffled to the counter and showed him the coffee I started to chug, bitter and black. I handed him a five dollar bill.
"What do you think?" I groaned. "Keep the change, I don't have the brain capacity to sort coins right now."
Max looked at me, amused. "Did you have fun at least? Was the hangover worth it?"
I wailed as I remembered. Yes, it had been exciting and there would be consequences because of that fun. I felt a cross between nauseous and embarrassed when Sean came back from the ovens. What would he think of my night? Five shots, practically blackout drunk, kissing another guy?
Max smiled devilishly. "Sean had a fun night, too."
"Shut up," Sean grouched.
"He got attacked last night."
I jumped when Sean slammed the cookie sheet he had been carrying on the nearest prep table.
"We've been over this," he spoke through his gritted teeth. "My dog jumped on me and scratched me." He stared at Max like he had laser beams for eyes and would vaporize him on the spot.
