Page 20 of Semi Sweet
Listen to what I say.
I see the pain.
You don't hide it very well.
You don't love him;
It's easy to tell.
You deserve better,
And no, it doesn't have to be me.
I mean, I'd treat you like gold
But I just want you to see
That you matter,
That you're allowed to have a dream.
You should be happy
So don't take one for the team.
I can't expose my identity,
You'll have to settle for this tryst.
You asked if you have my heart–
Olivia, you've got it by the fist.
Underneath the poem was an additional line:
Are you going to the party?
I didn't know what was more shocking–what the contents of the poem had revealed or the fact that my vision was blurry and my cheeks were wet.
"Oh my God," I whispered. "Oh my God."
Here I thought I had my conflicted feelings about Evan under control and this person, whoever they were, was able to see right through it. I tried to tell myself that I was strong, like a warrior, and yet I felt like someone caught me doing something dirty and scandalous. I was going to be a Quittero, I should have been happy! More so, I should have been disgusted by this note, but instead I found myself weeping over this person that had no face, or at least none I recognized. How could someone who hid behind notes and gestures make me feel this way? Was it desperation? Or was this the kind of love I had always wanted to feel but never had a chance to find because Evan sucked me in?
I looked at my phone and saw it was already time to go back. I tried to dry my eyes, but I had a feeling it would still be obvious I’d cried.
I made my way to the bakery and Sean was there, almost staring into space as I approached. I clenched my fists to give myself strength. I held up the note and saw his eyes grow wide at the sight of it. I was too busy trying to control my emotions to put much thought into what that meant.
"You," I said, and my voice cracked. "I don't have time to grill you for the details, but I know you're helping whoever this is. You have too much at stake to let this happen without knowing about it."
I bit my lip because he was starting to become a white blob. Damn me for crying right now. I hated seeming weak. It reminded me of all the dumb decisions that led me to the life I was currently living. I clenched my fists so hard my fingers hurt.
"Tell him yes."
I wasn't sure when I fully committed to my mystery gifter being male, but there was no taking it back once it was out.
Chapter Twelve: Are You Him?
Iwenttomyfuturein-laws’ for dinner the night before the Quitteros left for their business trip. These meals were a near weekly ritual that I'd been required to attend almost immediately once Evan and I became a couple. It was always authentic Italian that Grandma Benedetta worked on all day long. The food was good, but I always felt on edge while I was there, even after all these years. I imagined it was like what an animal felt like when they were trapped behind glass at the zoo. I was on display to be dissected and I could never wait to go home and relax.
