Page 29 of Contingently Yours
“Crap,” I huff into my pillow.
I was just going to give him a peck on the cheek, do my part for the screwed-up cause he got us mixed up in. My back was to the Hepperlys. They wouldn’t have known the difference, but no. My mouth somehow gravitated right to his again at the last second, like that night by the firepit.
Maybe I miss kissing. But how can you miss a level of kissing you’ve never experienced before? Do all men kiss like him? Is that what my kisses felt like when I used to kiss Shannon?
I somehow doubt it, considering she broke it off with me. Plus, I never nibbled.
Grunting, I shift my legs, nudging my cock in a different position. He…nibbledme. Nibbled me and then sucked on my lower lip before he stuck his tongue in my mouth.
Scrubbing my hand down my face, I let out a stream of breath and try to relax the tension in my body. Except, it’s not the kind of tension that is alleviated with deep breathing or a massage. It’s the kind that only gets worse the more a guy thinks about how good it felt having another man’s tongue sweep around his mouth like he owned it.
The door opens and closes, chasing away every single thought in my head. I pinch my eyes shut again and try to ignore the unmistakable sounds and presence. It’s an impossible task. Andrew, standing still by the doorway, watching me. Andrew, stalking slowly to his side of the bed. Theswishof Andrew’s clothes falling to the floor. The cool air hitting my skin when he raises the sheet and plops down unceremoniously on his side of the mattress. He’s everywhere. Like a sex pheromone nightmare.
And then he rolls. Shit.
I can feel his hand reach out and inspect the pillow barrier I placed behind me. I suddenly feel like a kid who plugged in a nightlight to keep monsters away. How stupid. I’m a grown-assadult. I have willpower. It’s not like I’m going to roll over and kiss him again. No one’s here who needs to see it.
Gross. I’ve become him—living a lie.
He snorts upon discovering my protective device, but seems to stay put. I know he did because I can feel his breathing, feel his heat, his gaze.
“I’m going to rent a car at the airport and drive down to Duxbury to catch a boat out to Clark’s Island when we land tomorrow, so I can get eyes on the two properties there that Lou wants to show them. Why don’t you do the same for the Harlow’s Landing properties so we don’t have any surprises when we get down there?”
It’s a good plan, and I’m surprised he’s actually putting effort into being proactive. Does he do that with all his listings? A sourness churns in my belly, though. Is he just looking for ways to get away from me?
I’m still debating on whether I want to answer, when he lets out an exasperated sound. “Don’t act like you’re asleep just because you’re embarrassed you like kissing me.”
I flinch, dropping any pretense of sleep I hoped to achieve. Blinking in the darkness, my mouth flounders for a solid rebuttal to his presumptuous claim.
“I wasn’t. I-Idon’t.”
The force of his scoff gives me gooseflesh on the back of my neck. “For a guy who doesn’t like it, you sure keep doing it a lot.”
“That’s what couples do. We’re supposed to be a couple.”
“And you know so much about being a couple? You kiss me more than the Hepperlys kiss each other.”
“They…kiss in their room,” I add lamely.
“You meanfuck?” he snorts.
He must regret saying that as much as I regret hearing it, because an awkward silence descends over the bed. To be fair, they’ve fucked a lot. We’ve heard them. Theydokiss in front ofus sometimes, though, I want to add, but he already knows that no matter what he says. He’s just being…Andrew.
He might have a point about me not knowing much about being a couple. I only have one adult relationship to base my opinion on, but still, goodnight kisses are something I wouldn’t mind doing if I were ever in a relationship again. Mom and Clark used to kiss goodnight. It always brought me a sense of comfort seeing them when I was younger, like all was right in our little world. Like he was a father that wouldn’t leave.
“I used to kiss Shannon every night before I went to bed when I was home,” I offer without thinking, but decide I want him to know my rationale. Anything is better than him thinking I kiss him because I like it. He doesn’t deserve that kind of ego boost. “I did it because…you never know when it will be the last time you see someone.”
“What? Like you knew she was going to leave you?”
“No. I meant you never know when it will be the last time you see someone,” I repeat, trying not to let him rile me. “You never know…if your dad is going to walk out on you and your mom when you’re seven. You never know if the great guy your mom meets years later is going to die on her in a car accident. You don’t know if the two little blonde hellions you helped raise will come home safe at night. And you don’t know when you’ll get deployed again or if you’ll see the hometown girl who’s been patiently waiting for you…even if in the end she ran off with your best friend behind your back.”
My wisdom starts to feel more like an uncomfortable confession the longer the following silence stretches. I didn’t mean to share all of that with him.
“If this is you trying to get me to kiss you, try again,” he says, sounding bored. Insensitive ass.
“If this isyougearing up to deny you like jerking me off every morning, try again.”
Another gust of air hits my neck, this time with more force, before the sheet tugs against me as he rolls over to his other side. “In your dreams. If Ididjerk you off, it’d only be to get you to shut up because you wouldn’t stop begging for it.”
