Page 9 of Contingently Yours
I’ve honestly never known any gay men, but he’s completely misconstruing the point. He’s a playboy who can’t keep his tongue in his mouth when a pretty woman walks by. “For an hour, not three to four weeks,” I digress.
“Just calm your tits. Don’t argue with me in front of them and try not to look like you want to cut out my liver until this thing goes contingent, and we’ll both walk away happy, richer men,” he says like he has complete faith in his own bullshit.
I purse my lips, thinking of all the things I want to say, but I know there is no talking sense to him. I have a temporary boyfriend whom I can’t stand, but if I don’t murder him, I’ll be able to pay off my loans and the girls’ wedding.
He holds out his hand, and I scoff in disbelief at the fragile peace offering. I nod and grip it, but can’t hold back the words that leave my mouth. “I hate you.”
“Not as much as I hate you.”
CHAPTER 3
Andrew
“Teach me how to be gay,” I blurt desperately when I finally locate my cousin in his living room.
“Drew?” he squawks, his head jolting up from where it was resting on the back of the couch.
Between his knees, his husband, Terry, pops off his dick and dives to the floor on his stomach, screeching, “Oh, my God! What the fuck?”
Fucking Lucas. What did he mean, nothing about me says‘gay?’I’ve known my cousin Shaw my entire life. I guarantee I know more about being gay than the Army Ranger extraordinaire, but fuck it all if I’m going to be the one to screw this deal up.
Moving further into the living room, I head between the coffee table and the sectional as Shaw swipes up a throw pillow and covers his lap with it. What is the big deal? It’s a dick. I’ve seen it before. Mine’s better. Case closed.
“I didn’t hear the doorbell. Did you even knock?” Shaw asks, straightening up as I take a seat on the other end of the sectional.
“I have a key, remember?” I huff, scooching back to get comfortable.
“He’s sitting down.Whyis he sitting down?” Terry calls from under the coffee table.
Sighing, Shaw covers his face with one hand. “The key is for emergencies. You can’t just walk in here unannounced.”
“Thisisan emergency. I need your help.”
“He’sstillspeaking! Why is he speaking?” Terry barks from his hiding place as his hand sneaks out to retrieve his shirt from the floor.
Is he going to stay down there all day? They’ve been married for ten years, and he’s been uptight for the entirety of them. I’m surprised Shaw was even getting abeejerfrom him in the middle of the day with a personality like that.
“Really?” I look at Shaw as I gesture to the table.
“Terry, just come on out. You know he’s not going to leave,” Shaw mutters.
Huffing, Terry’s reddened face emerges when he pops up like a prairie dog and glares at me. “We could have been fucking. What is wrong with you?”
“I told you—emergency.”
“Wait.” Shaw squints at me. “Did you ask me to teach you how to be gay? Are you…coming out? Is this you coming out?”
Terry’s eyes go wide, and he smacks Shaw on the knee. “Holy shit! I freaking called it. Did I not call it?”
Called it?He thought I was in the closet? He might as well dive back under the coffee table if he’s that unperceptive. I came here forgoodadvice.
“What? No! I’m not joining the club. I just need a day pass to sink a deal at work. The Hepperly throuple wants to make a three-property purchase, and yours truly has been assigned to spend the next month with them doing the viewings.”
“TheHepperlys,” Terry parrots, pausing his shirt halfway over his shoulders. “As in the pop star, financier, and survivalist TV show host Hepperlys?”
“Are there other Hepperlys?” I throw a hand up.
Terry reacts to my sarcasm with a disapproving noise and stomps around the couch toward the kitchen area. Running his fingers through his curly brown hair, he mutters, “That is so not fair that you get to hang out with them.” He pauses halfway to the island counter, though, and spins back around. “Wait a minute. Why did you say you need a gay day pass?”
