Page 28 of The Barbarian's Claim
“Matthew?”
He hugged his knees tighter, the choked whimpers muffled as he tried to suppress them. I knew his condition was difficultfor him, but I didn’t realize he would get so upset speaking with others. He spoke with me just fine. I’d thought one on one with Finn would make it easier on him. I was wrong.
Eighteen
MATTHEW
My lungs burned from suppressing my sobs. I fell into a spiral when Finn gave up on our lessons. I knew I needed to learn—I was a bad bondmate for refusing—but I couldn’t get myself to say the words. Not many knew of my condition yet. I didn’t want them to hate me if they found out. The fear of Finn’s possible reaction made the words get stuck in my throat worse, and my heart hammered in my ears so loudly that I couldn’t hear what Finn was saying to me.
I lost the fight against the tears after he left, and curled up in a corner as far from the tent flap and Einar as I could get, so he wouldn’t overhear me. I should have known better than to think it would work. His senses were honed after years of travel on his own. He could hear me fine, even with all the conversation going on outside the tent.
Knowing I disappointed him only added to my despair until I couldn’t make myself look at him from the shame. Einar had taken me under his care and protected me, and I couldn’t even learn to speak for him. How long would it take before he finallygrew tired of me and tossed me aside? Would they force me to leave the clan? Would I even want to stay if I couldn’t be with him?
Strong, firm arms slid under my knees and around my back. Einar scooped me up, settling me in his lap on the bed. His body was tense, uncertain, like he was unused to the hold, but his touch was gentle as he soothed a hand up and down my back. The other hand cupped the back of my head, urging me to hide my face against him instead. With a choked sob, I turned into him, gripping his tunic tightly in my fists. What had I ever done to deserve this man? I wasn’t good enough for him.
Einar waited until the tears stopped before speaking to me, his voice low and calm. “I am sorry, zoragar.”
Surprised, I jerked my head up to look at him, my voice still choked. “F-f-for w-what?”
“I knew of your condition. I thought private lessons with Finn would make you more comfortable to learn. I did not mean to embarrass you.”
I would have thought I had no more tears left, but my eyes burned with them as I shook my head rapidly. “N-no! I-I-I w-w-w?—”
The more upset I got, the harder it was for me to speak, which only made me feel worse. Einar deserved a strong bondmate. He’d only chosen to bond to protect me. I should have thought of his wants before accepting. There was probably someone better for him out there than me.
Gasping sobs stole my words, and Einar had to pull me back against his chest to get me to settle. I clung to him, my emotions at war. I wanted to offer to end our bonding so he could find someone better, but I selfishly wanted to keep him, too. He was the best thing in my life, everything I never knew I wanted. I didn't want to let him go.
I didn’t realize I’d cried myself to sleep until I woke to a dark tent. The only light came from the fire just outside. I woke alone, my body cold without Einar to keep me warm. Fearful that he was annoyed with me for crying on him, I rolled out of bed, tiptoeing to the tent entrance to peek out.
Einar sat in front of the fire, his back to me. He was eating something that smelled like sorvik, his eyes on the dancing flames. I took a step back, unsure of myself, until he spoke.
“Come out here, Matthew. I can hear your stomach from here.”
Embarrassed, I wrapped my arms around my middle as I hesitantly stepped out of the tent. He didn’t look over his shoulder at me, waiting instead until I moved to his side. He raised an eyebrow at me, glancing significantly at the space on the log beside him. Not on the one I usually sat on, which surprised me. I thought he’d be angry with me. So then why would he ask me to sit so close?
Hesitantly, I sat beside him, taking the bowl of food he offered me with a nod of thanks. He didn’t comment, his focus on his own food as he ate. We sat side by side silently, and unlike normal, where the silence felt easy between us, this time I felt antsy, and the longer the silence stretched out, the more anxious I became. Was he so angry with me for my failed lesson with Finn that he would not speak to me again?
I could only eat about half of what I normally did, my stomach churning too much to allow for a full meal. It only made me feel worse, and I was close to tears when Einar cleaned up and offered me his hand. I took it without question, following him blindly as he led me away from the fire. It wasn’t until we were at the banks of the river that I looked up. With a frown, I watched as he stripped his tunic off, giving me a unreadable look when he caught me staring.
“Undress, Matthew.”
My fingers shook as I did as he asked. Was he punishing me by making me bathe in the river? He’d said that I was too thin to do so before now.
The cool air nipped at my skin as I followed his lead and draped my clothes on a nearby rock. Gooseflesh prickled my arms, and I hadn’t even touched the water yet. The air had felt warmer earlier in the day. Getting in the water now definitely sounded like a punishment.
Resigned to it, I followed Einar into the water, flinching as we got deep enough for it to reach my intimate parts. My arms hugged tightly to my body, shivers wracking me until I trembled beside him. I ignored it all, standing where he wanted me with my eyes squeezed shut until he was ready to let me leave.
Warmth surrounded me as Einar pulled me against his chest, rubbing my back soothingly like he had in the tent. He sank a little deeper into the water, dragging me with him, until the water was up to our shoulders, which required Einar to sit with me in his lap. It wasn’t so bad as long as he was holding me. Shifting closer, I tucked my arms between us, soaking in his warmth and comfort.
A bar of soap glided along my skin, surprising me. I hadn’t noticed that he had it before now. He was in no hurry, running it and his hands over my skin until I was warm all over and leaning into his touch. I even managed to get hard, which felt like an accomplishment in such icy water.
“Deep breath, zoragar,” he murmured.
Sucking in a deep breath, I braced myself as he pulled our heads under water. I thought it would be shocking, but with the way my body burned from his touch, I barely noticed the cold anymore. I came back up with a gasp, pushing my hair out of my face. It was too long, it needed a cut, but the thought was unimportant right now. All I could focus on was Einar as helathered the soap between his hands and gently scrubbed his fingers through my hair.
When he was through, Einar’s hand wrapped around my cock, stroking it lightly, with just enough friction to tease. A groan escaped me and I lifted my hips, chasing the pleasure he offered. He nipped along my chin, dragging his teeth along the column of my neck. I trembled in his arms, not from the cold, but from the pleasure as it built in my middle, so hot and filled with promise.
“Your turn, little one,” he whispered, passing me the bar of soap while his other hand continued to stroke my cock. My responding whimper made him chuckle, his thumb teasing just under the head. “Do you wish for me to stop?”
