Page 32 of The Barbarian's Claim
Sitting beside Matthew, my chest felt tight with regret. Had I let him try to find a bondmate outside our clan, he might not have been hurt. I wanted to protect him, but I’d known before I claimed him that there were those in the clan who were unhappy with his presence. That should have factored in when I made my choice.
But it wasn’t all about keeping him safe, was it? I could pretend otherwise, but a part of me wanted him to stay for me. I liked having him around, the quiet no longer lonely with him by my side. After years alone, I had purpose in protecting him. I wanted to do right by him. I should not have been so selfish.
A small whimper caught my attention, and my head whipped up. Matthew’s brows furrowed and his fingers twitched. Like the last time he was hurt, he only settled when I cupped his face, reassuring him that I was still there. He leaned into my hand, letting out a breath, and his face smoothed once more.
I was prepared to stand there all day, to give him whatever he needed, but his eyes fluttered open a few moments later, his lids heavy with fatigue.
“Einar…” he murmured, reaching to press his hand against mine on his cheek.
“Matthew. How are you feeling?”
He shifted a little, grimacing from the pain. When he swallowed a few times, I turned to reach for the cup the doctor had prepared for him, helping him sit up enough to drink it. He nodded in thanks when he was done, and I set the cup back down, making sure he was comfortable before taking a step back.
“The doctor said you have to stay for a while so he could be sure you would not get an infection. Once you are well, I will take you wherever you wish.”
His brow furrowed, and his eyes opened again to look at me, confused. “W-what d-do you mean?”
The words felt like shards of glass in my throat, but I forced myself to speak them anyway. Matthew deserved better than what I had to offer him.
“Should you ask it of me, I will release you from our bond and let you go home. Or you can stay in this town, if you wish. They have been kind in allowing us to come here for your care. Or, if you’d prefer, you can find a new bondmate in another clan. Jakr said there were a few in his clan who?—”
Matthew sat up with a start, letting out a cry when it hurt him to do so. I reached for him, wanting to help, but he grabbed my hand before I could touch him, squeezing it tightly.
“I-I-I’m sorry I c-caused trouble with Orn! I-I-I’m sorry! P-please don’t s-send me away!”
Big tears filled his eyes, and I regretted my words while he was still recovering. I should have waited.
“You did nothing wrong, Matthew. But you have been hurt several times in my care. You deserve better. We can discuss it when you are better. You don’t have to choose now.”
“I choose you!” he cried, clinging tightly to my hand. Despite his upset, his words were clear without a tremble in them. It surprised me enough to stay silent, listening as he told me exactly what he needed.
“Y-you’re my b-bondmate! Y-you are more than I-I c-c-could have hoped for!” He shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I-I’ll d-do b-better. I p-promise. P-please, Einar…”
His words tore at my resolve, and I let myself be moved when he pulled me closer. I sat on the edge of his bed, leaning until my forehead rested against his. It pained me to see him so upset, to know I was the cause of it. I thought I was doing right by him, protecting him from me. I did not mean to cause him more pain.
“Matthew…”
“P-please d-don’t go…” he pleaded. “I love you…”
Shock made me hesitate only for a moment before I leaned in to claim his lips. We had never shared a kiss before. I had been too worried he would expect romance from me if we did. I wanted to keep things simple to ensure he didn’t get confused about how our bonding would be. But when he was nearly taken from me, I regretted being so cold. I thought I would never get a chance to share the experience with him. I should have done this sooner.
Like in all he did, Matthew threw himself into the kiss, giving it his all. He held me close with a tight grip on my tunic, keeping our lips pressed together. Only when he reached to put his arms around my neck and overstretched did he stop, whimpering as he curled in on himself.
“I’m sorry,” I gritted out, urging him to lay back down. “You are injured. You should rest.”
He shook his head rapidly, still clinging to my tunic. “I-I-I–”
Shushing him lightly, I gave him a chaste kiss. “I will go nowhere, kolrav. Wherever you wish me to be, that is where I will stay.”
It took some urging to get him to lie down again, and he only did so once he was sure I wouldn’t go anywhere. I stayed beside him, wishing there was something I could do to reassure him, but uncertain as to how. If I wished to treat him as he deserved, I would need to get over my resistance to socializing with my clan and ask for help. Matthew deserved better than what I had given him thus far.
It tooka little over a week before the doctor released Matthew to return to the clan. He didn’t want Matthew to ride on my stallion until the stitches were removed. Matthew wasn’t pleased with the delay and asked more than once for me to bring him home, but I did my best to keep him calm and comfortable—even though I was in full agreement with him. Home was better. The food alone would chase me from the towns. It was disgusting.
“You were brought here in a carriage. I don’t understand why you cannot return the same way,” the surgeon complained as he checked Matthew’s injury once more.
“The carriage was from the Ilvos clan. We are not returning there,” I grumbled for the third time. I wondered if the surgeon was hard of hearing because he kept making me repeat myself.
“So why not borrow it and return it later?” he demanded.
