Page 239 of Call the Shots
Around nine, Shawna, Xavier, and June called it a night, and my dad sat on one of the porch chairs, sipping a drink. The backyard was littered with canopies. Fairy lights sparkled on every tree, everything was ready for a party I hadn’t been invited to.
As far as I could hear, we were the only two people outside. He motioned his glass to me. “You want one?”
I studied my father with the weirdest realization.
I didn’t want to see him anymore.
Was this our final conversation?
As soon as June left, I’d drive away too, and then…what? Goodbye to my dad? Wasn’t this supposed to be climatic? Some twinge of remorse? Nope. I was just weirdly impatient for this to be done with.
If this was our last conversation, what did I need to say? What was I supposed to ask if this was it?
“Why don’t we ever talk about my mom?”
He sighed, taking a drink. “You always know how to read a room.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s a celebratory weekend—what do you want from me?”
“The answer to my goddamn question?”
My dad stared at me incredulously. “Do you think you’re allowed to curse at me? Not under my roof—do you know how much money I’ve spent on you? Do you know how expensive hockey is?”
“You talked to June about her.”
“That’s different, June’s like family—” He stopped himself and exhaled through his nose. “June was a bright, young girl who was very interested in our family and me and what I had going on—she’s spirited, easy to talk to. You could learn some things from her.”
I didn’t want to admit it, but he had a point. I thought about how different June and I were. Whatever room June entered, she was immediately the star of the show, the main character. She dazzled. There wasn’t a better word for her.
And then there was me. I couldn’t shake the awkwardness, the stiffness that never really left me. I was never quite as comfortable as she was, never relaxed like she was.
That’s how she was with everyone, wasn’t it?
Was I just everyone to her?
“You didn’t really—” My dad pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did you take your brother’s girlfriend?”
“Well, she’s not an object.”
“Did you take your brother’s girlfriend? I’m not asking again.”
I met his eyes. “I guess if I did, he didn’t deserve to keep her.”
“This is why I can’t talk to you. You say things like that and expect me to continue the conversation." He waved his glass atme. “Did I hit you? Choke you? There are parents out there who lock their children in closets, you should be thankful I’m not one of them.”
“I’m not feeling particularly thankful tonight.”
My dad finished the drink and didn’t hesitate pouring more. “Here’s the truth, Canadian judges are bullshit. I was paying an arm and a leg in child supportbeforethey found your mother’s tumor. Her brother got into her head about raising the child support and the amount listed was ludicrous.”
This was the first I’d ever heard about child support.
“Your uncle wanted to take you in, raising you onmysalary.” He settled back in his chair, his mouth curled into a frown. “The way I saw it, you’re an investment. If I’m pouring money into an investment and I don’t directly see the growth, that’s called a scam.”
“You adopted me because you didn’t want to pay more child support?”
“Please—it’s not that simple. Don’t rearrange my words. And it wasn’t like raising you was cheap—I didn’t realize how expensive childcare actually is. That was a mistake on my part—always do your research before you take on a new project.”
