Page 34 of The Gargoyle's Glade
She held my hand in both of hers, examining it closely. I suppressed a shiver as she traced along the lines in my palm with her fingertip, then measured the size of her hand against mine, silent the whole while. I tried to focus on her bracelet instead of the furious rush of blood pounding through my body. It was braided hair of some kind, with a reddish stone woven in. It was clearly well loved, worn and fraying a bit near the clasp. It looked like her habit of turning around her wrist had irritated her skin. Abruptly, she met my eye and stopped her gentle touch. Without thinking, I drew her hand to my face and kissed her palm.
“Oh.” The word came out on a soft breath, but she didn’t pull away. I guided her hand to my cheek and closed my eyes for a moment. Her skin was warm and soft, and she smelled downright edible. If I focused, I could hear her pulse throbbing, smell the slightest tang of iron on her skin. I brushed my mouth along her wrist as I gave her arm back.
I wanted nothing more than for her to continue exploring me at her leisure, but she tucked her arms under the blanket. I shifted around, not wanting her to see the effect her simple touch had had on me.
“I don’t like feeling helpless,” she said after a heavy pause, reminding me of what she’d said earlier. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Jacks. My mother, even, and my siblings. I’ve done it all, for a long time.”
“You’re very strong, Merry.”
“I am,” she agreed with a nod. “What is it about this place that makes me feel both like I’m finally where I should be and completely out of my depth all at the same time, then? I have everything I could ever want. A house to myself, a job I enjoy that also pays well. Friends. But I can’t figure out what those animals want from me. Why I feel this…” Her hands fluttered under the blanket, but she never located a word for whatever she was trying to describe. She sniffled while looking me in the eyes, and I nearly lost it. “I also really hate crying.” She pressed her hands to her face, trying to stop the tears, but it was no use.
Everything in my body screamed, wanting to comfort her as they dampened her cheeks. Instead, I sat there like an idiot, panicking. Finally, I reached out awkwardly. Resting my hand over hers somehow ended up with our fingers twined together.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I asked. My pulse throbbed in my throat, the stress of being open with someone, especially her, sent my heart pounding. But I thought we both needed this. She turned her head to face me and nodded, scrubbing her tears away. “I feel like that too, most of the time.”
“You do?”
“Of course. This is my place. It’s become my home even though it was only ever meant to be a temporary post. It’s very confusing, how I feel about the glade. I wanted nothing more than time away until Seir arrived, but, if given a choice I would remain here always. I do my patrol, maintain the doorways, reinforce the wards.” I shrugged. “It’s a routine I enjoy, though it can get a bit monotonous when things go right and everyone stays away like they should. The magic here… it’s old, alive. Centuries have come and gone, nearly all that time without it being managed so carefully. I often wonder if I’m making any difference at all or if I’m just fooling myself that I’m being useful.” She gave a weak smile. “And for the record, I also hate when you cry.”
She stared at me in such a way, for so long, I was certain my whole face was red. Then she laughed, free and easy like a weight had been lifted from her. The sound tripped down my spine and sent a sparkling sensation through my veins. “Thank you, Coltor.” Even the way she said my name was a novel treat, like the taste of it in her mouth was something special.
“You’re welcome, Merry.” I pulled on every ounce of bravery I had and kissed her forehead. The soft tilt of a smile, the sigh she exhaled, all the tiny ways she accepted the affection put lightning in my veins.
Her eyes finally drifted closed, the elixir perhaps beginning to work along with the remedies I’d performed. After watching the slow rise and fall of her breaths for an embarrassing amount of time, I snuck my hand out of her grasp and went outside as quietly as I could. The animals perked their heads at me but made no other effort to move. I was not gifted with mind speech and heard nothing but the sounds of them chattering to themselves and moving around in the grass.
“You’re making her unwell. She can’t help you if she’s sick. Find someone else to speak with. Move along. Understood?”
There was a shuffle but no exodus.
Frustrated but determined to be useful, I went back inside and started preparing her a soup that always made me feel better.
Chapter 15
Merry
Everything had changed between Coltor and I. We’d shared little pieces of our souls, made gestures that couldn’t be taken back.
After I’d woken from my nap, he fed me some incredible soup, then rubbed an aromatic oil on my temples. He insisted on working out the tension in my shoulders again, a cool towel against my neck and my feet back in an icy bucket. He stayed until it was time to leave for his patrol and looked as though he regretted having to go. He was quiet, but it was a soft silence, not one borne of frustration like I had seen from him before. Conversation was sparse, but his hulking presence was a comfort, the low timbre of his voice soothing.
Now that I knew where his anger had been rooted, I could see it for what it was. Overwhelm. Concern. Strain. I would have bet anything that taking care of me was a balm on those raw emotions. In fact, I understood that more than most.
He’d hesitated to leave that evening, his big shoulders taking up my whole doorway, so I’d put him out of his misery and kissed him. It seemed so silly, but his hesitant-turned-wholly-enthusiastic kisses revealed that all the others I’d had before were lacking in every way. Coltor was all-in when he wantedsomething, and by the way he wrapped his body around me, the way his mouth fed upon mine, there was no question that I was undeniablywanted.
I tried to ignore how terribly empty my little cabin had felt since he’d left, but it was impossible. There was too much space now, too much air. And I couldn’t help but think of how gently he’d cared for me every time I saw the little family of carvings on my hearth. For all his faults, Coltor was inescapably a good man.
And the truth was I wanted him too. More than I thought was possible to crave another person. I had no idea how we’d arrived at this place, but there was nowhere else I’d choose to be.
Thanksto his remedies and a good night’s sleep, I felt better than I had in days. Head clear and ready to make a trip to the markets for myself, I prepared for a day out of my cabin and away from the contracts I was spending my days working through.
Seir and Tap, apologetic over the omitted information about the time difference and concerned that I’d worked myself too hard in addition to the concern about the dust allergy, had set up a system so I didn’t have to go to the crossroads unless I really wanted to. Seir delivered a crate or two of new contracts in the evening and would stop by to pick up any completed ones in the morning on his way out. I was appreciative but hoped to return, if only occasionally, soon. Some animals had moved along after the first crates had gone back to Tap with Seir, but it was a disappointing few. The ones that continued to gather seemed restless, as well, like they were waiting for instructions or permission to do something. The dozens and dozens ofexpectant eyes watching me had me constantly tense. I was beginning to feel quite helpless about it all.
I stepped through the doorway, the familiar twisting sensation the least of my concerns. As I was spat out on the grounds of d’Arcan, it felt as though my head might split in two. I hit my knees and stayed there a moment, focusing on my breathing.
“Merry?” As I regained my feet, temples throbbing, Grace’s voice came to me as if I were underwater. I could hear Jacks making a racket from across the yard and glimpsed him rearing up on his hind legs, kicking and generally making a huge fuss.
“Is Jacks alright?”
“She’s tripped through a portal and is asking about the horse,” Grace muttered, shaking her head. “I can appreciate that, honestly, but let’s worry about you, yes? Areyoualright?”
