Page 49 of The Gargoyle's Glade
“Make it simple. Explain why you’re hesitating.” I ran the backs of my fingers down the side of his face, and he took my wrist in his hand, kissing my knuckles.
“Do you have a burning behind your ribs, Merry? An ache that intensifies when I’m near you? When we touch?”
Regretful that he was dealing with such discomfort on my behalf, I shook my head. “Maybe a little, but not so much that I’m bothered. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s different for everyone and even if you’re of witch heritage, you’re human.” His eyes went wide. “Please don’t misunderstand me, Merry. I don’t think any less of you because of that. It makes no difference to me who your ancestors were. I’m attracted toyou. Whatever that means.”
Everywhere our skin touched tingled, and I realized I had been having some odd sensations. “My heart beats irregularly now and then. Like it’s jumped into my throat, all fluttery.”
His mouth twitched into a grin. “I’ve gotten that too.”
“Is that evidence of the bond?”
“Perhaps.”
“You still haven’t said what you’re worried about.”
“A bond is forever, Merry. This is not something to enter into lightly. Once we’re intimate, the bond is sealed. There’s no undoing it.”
“Forever?” The word even tasted heavy. I thought of my mother, how she’d promised forever to my father, but he’d disappeared when they were both still young. She’d tried three more times after him, swearing it each time, but it had never worked that way, not even when they’d begun with enthusiastic love and the best of intentions. “What happens if it’s ignored? What if we just keep on as we’ve been, or… go our own way?” I had a visceral response to saying those words. My gut wrenched, and I broke out in a cold sweat.
“The pain will likely increase over time. Madness is a risk, worse the longer we live. Likely me more than you. But Merry”—he took my hands in his and met my eye, not looking away—“I would never ask you to make this kind of decision based on this risk. I would bear it, if that’s your choice, without hesitation.” I nodded, thoughts swirling, but I couldn’t make my tongue work. “There are known cases where pairs refused a bond, and some have lived centuries before things got bad.” He swallowed hard, like the flavor of that half-truth was bitter.
“I wouldn’t want to cause you pain, Coltor. I can’t imagine doing so willingly for months or years. Centuries would be outright torture.”
He bowed his head and released my hands. “I should go. I have to do my patrol.”
“Even with everyone here? And the ceremony?”
“Yes, the doorways don’t sleep, and I need to get back on my routine.” He got to his feet and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Rest yourself, Merry. Decisions do not have to be made right now.”
I disagreed. It was wholly unfair for me to continue things with him knowing what I did now if I didn’t intend to see things through.
I stayed on the sofa until the logs in the fireplace had burned themselves out, exhausted but too wrapped up in considering the possibilities to sleep.
“We age differently.”
“Greta can provide an elixir so your lifespans match,” Hailon countered. “I took it. So did Calla and Greta herself of course. I’m not sure about Grace.”
“You took it already?” I gasped. “How long will you live now?”
Hailon shrugged. “No idea. Might be hundreds of years. It doesn’t really matter as long as neither of us have to face a lifetime or more without the other.”
My heart squeezed. “That’s actually so sweet, Hailon.”
She blushed and shrugged, clearly amused but mildly uncomfortable. “Any other concerns?”
“What if something happens and we need to split up?” Again I was struck with the feeling that I might be sick just considering such a thing.
“Then you do what you need to do. There might be consequences, but you deal with them like everyone else.”
“Everyone else doesn’t have a magical bond that might hurt or kill them if it’s broken.”
Hailon yawned, thoroughly bored with my panicked debating. “Are you done?”
She’d arrived early to check on me, carrying party leftovers for breakfast, and then we’d gone to help with the cleanup. Jacks had gone back through the portal with Ophelia, and the stone kin were just as efficient in taking their equipment out as they had been bringing it in. The glade was set to rights and empty again before midday, and shockingly quiet now that most of the animals had moved on. We’d gone back to her cabin for some lunch, and we were still in her kitchen while I tried to talk out my messy thoughts.
I lowered my head against her dining table, my heart throbbing sorely. “What if he wants children, Hailon?” I peeked up at her. “After everything I went through with my mom and siblings… that’s not something I want for myself.”
