Page 15 of The Gargoyle's Gift
Gaius had backed up a pace, but had a hand reached out as if defending himself against another blow. Or, perhaps, he’d simply stopped himself from grabbing onto me again. Or maybe he was halfway to throttling the life out of me for showing up and endangering not only myself but him too. I’d forced him to make a choice he shouldn’t have had to make and inadvertently spared someone who might have been better off removed from existence. It was hard to say much of anything for sure in that moment.
Tears threatened again, my throat burning as I blinked several times. I wasn’t sad, just overwhelmed. Something like relief pressed in with joy ballooning under it all. Fated mate matches were revered and precious. I had of course hoped that one day I would be part of one. I always assumed even those who acted indifferent to being paired with someone secretly longed to be chosen a match by the fates. But this match? Entirely improbable and unpredictable.
Gaius lowered his arm and just stood there, watching me as I sifted through the emotions crashing into me one after another. Frustration rose up, loud among the noise in my head, as I deciphered the expression he wore on his face.
“You already knew?”
He closed his eyes, blowing out a breath through his nose, hand rubbing at his arm again. “I suspected. But it was my problem to manage. You’ve seemed… unaffected by it so far, and I was alright just ignoring it.” He swallowed, eyes squinting as though he tasted something bad. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”
Disappointment stung, leaving my cheeks prickling and hands trembling. Is that how he saw me? A problem to be managed? Did he regret the kiss altogether or just having done it the way he had?
I breathed in and out slowly, trying to clear my head. Since when did I care if Gaius Caledon found me attractive or skilled or any of the other things one looks for in a potential partner? I felt as though I were trapped between a dream and awake, nothing making sense yet everything suddenly clear.
“What do we do?”
He huffed. “Nothing.”
“Nothing? How can we do nothing? Fated matches can’t be ignored.”
“Of course they can.” He grimaced and rubbed the heel of his hand across his chest.
I was still spiraling through a myriad of emotions while I stared at him, his brutal beauty only enhanced by the sadness that crept through his stern expression.
“No, they can’t, Gaius. Eventually, one or both of us will go mad. You know that. How long have you suspected?”
“Long enough. No matter how I tried to explain it away as something else. Anything else.” He sighed and stepped backenough to lower himself to the bed. He suddenly seemed tired. Like he’d been carrying the weight of the whole world and had finally set it down for just a moment.
“Do you find me that distasteful?” I asked, a blush heating my face the moment the words were out. I couldn’t believe I’d even given them voice, allowed my insecurity to slip out.
He chuckled but there was no humor in it. “No, Little Dove. Saints help me, I swear I don’t.” He looked out the small window. “There are many reasons this could never work, but nearly none of them have anything to do with you, nor how I find you to be.”
I hated that I wanted my ego stroked a bit more, but I still asked, “Like what?”
He barked a rough noise and raked his fingers through his hair, the long tresses falling right back over his face. “I’m as old as your father to start. Three times your age. More than.”
I snorted. “I can’t imagine that actually matters all that much. We both reached adulthood ages ago. Does anything significant change beyond the first century?”
“I will not justify that with a response.”
“So you don’t think so either then.”
“Lovette.” He sighed deeply, likeIwas the one being ridiculous.
“Gaius,” I mocked. “This doesn’t have to be a… painful proposition. We could learn to like each other even,” I smirked, trying to joke, but it didn’t land as I hoped. Truth was, the irritating man had actually grown on me quite a lot the past several weeks. “The only alternative is for one of us to go as far away from the other as possible. And even then, eventually, we’d be headed for madness. Unless”—I swallowed—“we have the bond broken somehow? If that’s even possible. We know several mages and sorcerers we could ask, but I’m guessing the only real solution is death.” My natural inclination to cover my emotionswith sarcasm sprang up strong but only made me feel worse. I bit my tongue.
He dropped his face into his palms and scrubbed for a moment. “Is this some kind of test? Are you about to ask if I’d die for you, Little Dove?” His eyes met mine when he finally looked back up.
I couldn’t breathe. He’d called me that before, but I hadn’t really paid attention. The pet name feathered along a place inside me I hadn’t known I needed touched. Between that and the power in his gaze, the question stole both my air and my attitude. “Maybe.”
His mouth twitched. I could feel his answer in my bones, the fear that chased after it like a shot of adrenaline. To fix this, he’d let me take his life if that’s what I wanted. It was ludicrous.
As I gaped at him, he said, “I’ve asked for death on several occasions, begged for it even, but I can only imagine none of those other times will compare to how badly I’ll want to be removed from this plane once your father finds out we’re mates. And I can’t even blame him for the reaction he’s bound to have.”
My skin flared hot, anger and shame warring. I hated that he might be right, even more that it shouldn’t make any difference. “My father has no say in the matter. Even he wouldn’t argue over something beyond our control. He would be happy for me if I was pleased with the match.”
His lips curled up, the smile a sharp, angry curve. “Do you really think he’ll bepleasedthat the fates have matched his lovely youngest daughter with an old, broken former general? A man with no employment, no family? A man who’s only gained loyalty through fear? Who’s done deplorable things over and over again in the name of duty?” He blinked, as though saying the words hurt his own feelings a little.
I knew several soldiers who had been under his command, and they did not follow him only because they were afraid. Hewas far more than he made himself out to be in some areas and also far less. I realized right then how little Gaius actually thought of himself, how skewed his view was when he looked in the mirror.
