Page 28 of The Gargoyle's Grace
“Describe it to me.”
“It’s like an ache but not. I can feel when you’re in the building, I think. When you leave, I worry. It’s like a switch goes off.” I frowned, realizing the truth in my own words. Magnus nuzzled into my hair, planting a soft kiss before resting his cheek on my head. “Is this like Rylan and Calla?”
“Sort of. They are fated, which is much more intense. Some fated couples can hear one another speak in their minds, feel what the other feels… it can be overwhelming.”
“You were fated with your wife?”
“Yes.” I heard the caution he used in his tone. I appreciated that he was trying to protect my feelings, but I was too curious not to ask. We all had a past. It was part of us, but not the only one.
“Do you miss her?”
Magnus exhaled through his nose. “In many ways, yes. She was my partner for a very long time. I may always miss her. Always love her. I grieved… well, let’s just say my mourning period was concerningly long, but I have fully grieved her passing. I’ve helped my children work through theirs as well. I have accepted that chapter of my life has closed. She would not begrudge me moving on. We discussed it more than once. It’s a hazard of living as long as we do.”
“I can’t imagine losing someone like that.” My heart hurt for him, but I also appreciated the subtle way he let me know I wasn’t in competition with her.
“Have you lost someone before, Grace? You’re not old enough to be a widow, I don’t think? Though as a soldier, perhaps I should know better than to make a statement like that.”
I scoffed lightly. “Flattery will get you everywhere. I’m plenty old enough to be a widow.” On a long exhale, I admitted, “I was engaged once.”
Magnus made an interested noise in his chest and shifted us so we were lying down flat but still cuddled together. Sleep would not be far behind if I allowed myself to close my eyes, but I wasn’t ready to give up this stolen night quite yet.
“Tell me. I want to know everything about you, even if it makes me want to commit violence.”
I laughed and swatted at his arm. “He’s not worth the trouble.”
“Clearly, but that doesn’t mean my impulse won’t react accordingly. Tell me,” he prompted again.
My voice was low, a compliment to the hush of the insular hut and our little bed nest. The fire put off just enough heat, and my muscles were lax as I rested against him. It was the worst kind of temptation to lay my soul bare to this man.
“Well before I came to the collegium, one of my father’s business associates proposed a match between his son and I.” I remembered the boy’s face, and it was no better in recall than it had been in real time. “He looked like a cocker spaniel—”
Magnus barked a laugh. “Sorry, sorry. Please continue.”
“Well, he did! But I was a good daughter and willing to sacrifice some vanity for a good match. He was sweet, kind… a bit on the unambitious side, but that was okay. He had a built-in career with his father, and we would have a comfortable life most likely. We dated for several months, and I’ll be the first to admit I was quick to indulge my hormones since I thought our marriage was a foregone conclusion.”
“Oh my,” Magnus grumbled, but I had a feeling he was guessing the next part wrong. Most did.
“No, I didn’t get pregnant. In fact, quite the opposite. My mother was not supposed to be able to have children. I came to them very late as a complete surprise. The women in our family have a… defect. It skips around where it likes, but the issue can be tracked back for several generations. I’m missing my womb altogether, but every one of us has some sort of complication with our reproductive abilities.” I paused, the old wound pinching but not hurting like it once had. Magnus’s arms pulled me closer.
“When he found out, he called off the engagement. Started a whole lot of trouble by claiming my parents defrauded his father. It led to a split in the partnership, even. It was a very hard time all the way around. I think the debt to Caster started there, honestly.”
“That was cruel of him.”
“It was, but not unexpected. I was young and naive. It honestly never occurred to me that it would be a problem. When you’re young and unmarried, having a baby too soon is the thing you’re focused on. It was for the best, anyway. After that, I helped my father at the shop, tried to help my mother with the neighborhood kids… it worked out.”
“I’m sorry he reduced you to your ability to have children, Grace. You have much more to offer the world than that.” I smiled, at his sweet words, my eyelids growing heavy. “You’re perfect, and I mean that. Your scars are proof of what you’ve survived. In fact, scars are revered by my people, did you know that?” I opened my eyes to find him peering down at me, sincerity in his eyes. His warm fingertips traced along my cheek and I found myself tearing up. “You’re beautiful, Grace. One of the most stunning creatures I’ve ever seen.”
I swallowed over the lump in my throat, trying to communicate through a nod that my tears were not distress. I knew he was telling me the absolute truth. There was no way to avoid sharing one’s whole heart in this little cottage, it seemed. Everything was so different than it was in our normal day-to-day life. I wished we didn’t have to leave.
“If I’d married the cocker spaniel, then I wouldn’t have been able to have this.” I finally managed to say as I snuggled deeper into his embrace, exhaustion catching up to me.
“That would have been a shame indeed.”
Magnus was worth a hundred times whatever happiness that sham of a marriage would have brought me. I was safe. Cared for. Magnus didn’t try to bend me to his whims and listened to what I wanted, all while sparring with me in a way that suited us both.
The truth of our link echoed warmly in my chest as I fell off to sleep.
He was my soul mate.
