Page 92 of Olivia's Only Pretending
“I am sorry. I’m sorry for how I ended things. I’ve felt a lot of regret since I got here,” Ryan stuttered. “Anything I’ve done … I’ve not had my head on straight. I know I’m not handling seeing you again very well.”
I laughed humorlessly. I thought I would be the one not handling Ryan well. I was terrified I would need a human shield in Victor.
“Olivia, I didn’t tell Dean Oates you werefor suredating a student. I told her …” He looked down at his feet. “I didn’t tell her anything for certain. I can promise you that.”
I pressed my lips into a firm line, nodding my head. I didn’t actually care to hear him apologize or explain himself. I just wanted to get back to Victor. “Okay, fine, Ryan. Good to know. I’m sorry you’ve had regrets. I was right in the middle of something, so I don’t have time right now.” I turned to leave, but he grabbed my hand. His fingers were cold.
“Olivia, you can’t walk away when I’m pouring my heart out.” He held my hand between both of his. “I think we should try again.”
I shook my head. “I disagree. Wholeheartedly. The only regret I’ve felt about our relationship is regret over the time I wasted believing you.”
He dropped my hands as if I’d physically burned him.
“I’m not looking for any type of reconciliation with you,” I said, trying to hold onto the fraying fragments of my patience. “You lied about me to my boss, Ryan.I don’t want anything from you at all.”
He didn’t say anything for a beat, sticking his hands in his trouser pockets. “I am sorry for what I said to Dean Oates. I couldn’t stand seeing how …” He was quiet, eyes downcast. “I am sorry, though.”
“Thank you for saying sorry,” I said. The wordsorrysounded strange coming out of his mouth, as if he wasn’t quite sure of its meaning, but he was saying it anyway. “But I’ve got somewhere to be.”
Twenty-Eight
Ifollowed the path Victor took down the sidewalk, finding him standing by my favorite tree. The evening sky was a navy blue around him. His form was softened by the glow of the streetlamps. His back was to me, his hands in his jeans pockets. He’d taken off his jacket, thrown it off to the side.
With my steps closing the distance between us, I was breathless. My hands shook from an emotional overload. But I wasn’t going to hold back anymore.
His shoulders were visibly tense as I touched his back. “Victor.”
He turned to me, his eyes full of hurt, and it felt like a punch to my gut. “I’m sorry we were interrupted,” I said. “I didn’t expect him to show up like that.”
He shook his head. “Is that why you wanted to take a break from me? Has being around Ryan,” he spat out his name, “brought up old feelings, and you were afraid to tell me?”
“What?” I nearly laughed at the idea. Having Ryan on campus had only shown me how much I’d moved on. I’d underestimated myself and how far I’d come.
If my history with Ryan left a permanent mark on my heart, reminding me what I’d never settle for again, these past fewweeks with Victor were a blazing revelation of just how happy, how seen, how deeply cared for I could be.
“Maybe it sounds crazy to ask that.” He shoved his hand through his dark, wavy hair. “But are you torn between us or something?” He looked away.
“Absolutely not, Victor Hernandez,” I said firmly. I stepped closer to him, pulling on his gray button-down. He’d dressed up for the conference, probably forme. “I haven’t had feelings for Ryan in years. I only have feelings foryou.”
His eyes shot to mine right after my confession. He blinked like he wasn’t sure he’d heard me right. “Feelings … for me?”
I nodded.
Something in him softened, like my words melted some of the tension in his shoulders. He exhaled. “I just hate seeing you with him. How he looks at you. It made me wonder if this was part of why you needed space. Maybe I didn’t know the full story like I thought I did.”
This pinched at my heart. I blinked back tears. “You want to know what I feel about Ryan?Reliefthat I didn’t wind up stuck settling for him and missing out on everything good that was waiting for me.”Missing out on you, on us.
“I’ve been stewing over here, so angry at your dumb ex. Angry at myself for how much I’ve been missing you.” He let out a rattled breath. He looked down, his voice low. “I need to calm down.”
Then his eyes met mine again. “It’s been hard not hearing from you.”
“It’s been hard for me, too.” This week had been a grueling lesson in the depth of my feelings for him. “Harder than you probably realize.”
A couple of students screamed with laughter a few steps away.
“Come on, Liv.” He licked his lips, jaw clenched. “It’s been agony for mefor months. You know, I’ve wanted you all this time. I’vealwayswanted you.”
“I knew you had a crush,” I offered feebly, with my palms raised.
