Page 84 of Olivia's Only Pretending
“You remember how I’d talk through my Adam drama with you this past summer?”
“Oh, how could I forget?” I chuckled. “I have vivid memories of you resting your face down on my kitchen island and clutching a pillow to your chest dramatically.”
“We’re long overdue some good girl talk,” she said, setting her hands on top of mine between us on the table. I knew what she was doing.
Lucy could sense something was off with Victor and me. She was gently checking on me. But I couldn’t open up about everything right now.
I was afraid if I started unpacking my feelings, I would start crying right here at the bar. Or worse, say something I couldn’t take back that encouraged Lucy to push me to go for it with Victor.
My heart tightened in my chest. Or I’d tell Lucy everything, and she’d shake her head at me, telling me I never should’ve pressed pause. That now I’d gone and ruined everything with him.
“Agreed.” I wiggled my eyebrows, ignoring the ache in my chest. “What’s the latest with Adam?”
Her face fell, just a fraction. Only a sister would be able to tell. I’d ignored her nudge to share. “He’s adorable as usual. His mom is actually coming to spend Thanksgiving here in Sweet River. He’s excited and anxious, in pretty equal measures.”
“Meeting the mom,” I said, my eyes wide. “Big step.”
“That is a big step, huh?” Lucy said. “I thought I’d feel more nervous to meet her, but really, I feel more anxious for Adam. I know he wants this visit to go well for his family. He wants the kind of closeness we have.”
Late-night phone calls. Heart to hearts. Family dinners. Little rituals. Group messages. Every holiday was decorated with their voices and their faces. My family, the Rhodes women, were close—the four of us with our lives so intertwined it would be unraveling tapestry to try and pull us apart.
They were undoubtedly my safe space.
Then why did I freeze when it came time to ask for help? Unable to open my mouth and verbalize my feelings, my needs.
I knew Lucy would listen, eyes intently on me.
Mom would do anything for me. She’d race across town. She’d drain her bank account.
I’d been this way since I was just a kid.
I thought back to my childhood years, right after Dad left. How exhausted Mom would look when we were at home in our tiny rental house. She was working long hours as a nurse and trying to juggle the demands of a mom to three. She refused to let any ball drop. I could see the tiredness.
Lucy and Gracie were too young to notice. I wasn’t sure they even remembered those years clearly. But I saw. I saw the weariness in her eyes, the tears on her cheeks.I was scared for her.
Lucy and Gracie would ask every question in the way little kids do. They’d incessantly ask for more. They were loud. They were wild. They were needy. Mom would give her all, and then some.
I couldn’t do much. I was still so young myself. But I could help by keeping my mouth shut. I could meet my own needs, so Mom didn’t have to. I could try to rush ahead and help my sisters, so they didn’t ask Mom.
I could be one less thing she worried about.
Lucy grinned, rambling on about Adam, and I smiled at her, knowing she’d love nothing more than for me to break open my chest and lay out every feeling I was battling. But it was in my training to keep it locked up. I wasn’t even sure I knew where the key was.
I flinched at the loud laughter coming from Gabriel and Emma’s table. I hated how tuned into them I was—every single scrape of their chairs against the floor, wondering,had Victor shown up?
After a couple of margaritas, I wasn’t hiding it very well, and Katie noticed my eyes on them. She and Emma waved at me, then Lucy twisted in her seat, calling them to come join us for a minute.
“You guys having a little girls’ night?” Emma asked, sliding into the booth beside me, her long blonde hair hanging in a loose, messy braid.
“Yes, a girls’ night was needed,” Lucy said, scooting in to make space for Katie.
“We’re on a double date,” Katie said, nodding toward the boys, Gabe and Terrence, at the table, talking in depth aboutsomething. “The boys get so into their conversations, though, they’ll probably take a while to notice we’re gone.”
“You guys working on wedding prep?” I asked. “I know the countdown is on.”
“Oh, actually, no. We’re mostly catching up on Sweet River gossip,” Emma said, sipping on the glass of rosé she’d carried over. “I needed a wedding talk break.”
“Oh, what’s the Sweet River gossip?” Lucy asked, resting her chin on her fist, ready to listen.
