Page 11 of Olivia's Only Pretending
“It’ll pass,” I said, waving a hand as if it didn’t matter. “By the way, Lucy said she’d pick me up after work, so I’m all set.”
He tapped my desk as he turned to go. “Let me know if that changes. I’ll come get you.”
And just like that, he was gone. And I hated the fact I could feel his absence after only a few moments.
Four
Ilet out a long, slow breath as I sat in my comfy desk chair. I brought my coffee cup to my lips, savoring it a moment to collect myself after the emotional whirlwind of this morning, when there was another knock at my door.
“Come in?” I called out.
Ryan sheepishly popped his head around the corner, pushing open the door. He glanced around my office, presumably to check if Victor was still there. “Hi there.”
“Hi?” I resisted asking,What do you want?
It was the start of my office hours, and I had a packed schedule of meetings with students starting soon.
“I wanted to come by and, well, apologize for not giving you a heads up that I was coming for the seminar.” He walked toward the two chairs in front of my desk and plopped down.
“You don’t need to apologize?—”
“But I do. I know it’s hard on you to have me here. You’ve been adjusting to everything, and then I storm in here. And it’ll probably awaken a lot of memories for you. And as a guest speaker, they’ll be pasting my name everywhere. I just …” He shook his head. “I just feel sorry about it. I should’ve checked with you first.”
I felt nauseous again. It had been an adjustment over a year ago, sure, but now it felt nice to have carved my own place here in the history department, without his name always tied to mine. “I’m fine,really.”
“Hey, if it helps, I’ll be sure to talk you up. Give your name a boost, yeah?”
Oh, how generous.
“I’m fine, Ryan. No worries.” I plastered on a smile. He was right; this did awaken memories—memories of how he’d always acted as if our relationship was a favor to me. As if our relationship were a joint account, and what he deposited had higher value.
“Also, not to pile on, but someone I’m seeing might be coming out to visit for a few days. I didn’t want to take you by surprise. I’m not sure if that guy who was with you was someone you’re seeing or just a student with a crush or something? But I thought I should warn you so you could prepare yourself.” He gave a small half smile. “You’ve been a real champ through everything.”
A real champ.For what? Being able to handle being broken up with? Or for sharing the campus with him for an hour this morning?
I fought the urge to roll my eyes.
“Well, congrats,” I offered, blowing past his curiosity about Victor.A student with a crush?Victor was so much more than that, even if he wasn’t my boyfriend. “You’ve got the job. And a relationship. I’m happy for you.”
He stood up, and I did, too.
“You’ll get there, too, Livvy.”
Livvy.This time, I didn’t resist rolling my eyes.
I used to wonder if Ryan and I would ever run into each other again. I’d assumed we might bump into each other at a conference—neutral ground. I’d imagined a friendly,polite conversation. I would ask about his new position at the university. The position that was the first domino in our breakup.
Now that he was really standing in front of me, in my office, I didn’t want polite small talk. I didn’t want closure. I didn’t want anything except for him togo.
“Well, I’m sure I’ll see you around.” I gestured toward the door.
Victor came barreling back into my office. “Hey Liv, I left my coffee—” He stopped in his tracks, looking between Ryan and me.
I had my arms clasped tight around myself, and his gaze tracked it, his brows furrowing in concern.
Ryan looked annoyed.What? Is he irritated that the student and his silly crush are back?
I set my eyes on Victor and blurted out, in a voice as sweet as syrup, “You know you’re welcome here anytime,sweetie.”
