Page 87 of Olivia's Only Pretending
“A pause?” Lucy repeated, her brow furrowed.
“Yes, a pause,” I said. “It was dumb.So dumb. I wanted time to get clarity—to be sure I was making the right choice with him. I care about him and our relationship, so much. I thought I was being smart. Now, I think …” I took in a shuddered breath. “I think I was just pushing him away. I probably hurt him. We haven’t spoken this whole week.”
“Oh, Liv.” Lucy stepped closer, placing a hand on my arm.
I shook my head. “He was supposed to be the pepper to my salt. He was supposed to be here. He was why I bought all those Snickers bars. They’re his favorite.”
Mom and Lucy enveloped me in a big hug. I felt another sob rising in my throat. “I’m the one who made us pause, but I’m the one crying. It’s so dumb.”
“Sounds like you pressed pause to check how you’re feeling?” Mom said softly. “Seems to me like these tears are the answer.”
Iwound up curled up on the couch watchingHalloween Townafter the trick or treaters started to slow down. I had a warm mug of cider in my hands, and Lucy and Adam were cuddling on the other end of the sofa. She’d put on his fedora.
A cathartic kind of relief had expanded in my chest since I’d finally cracked open and shared how I felt. A sense of comfort I hadn’t expected.
“You know,” Adam said, talking over the movie. “I’d been wondering if something happened between you and Victor.”
“You had said that.” Lucy nodded from her spot in his arms.
“What made you think something happened?” I asked.
“Victor gave it away, honestly,” he said. “My usually happy-go-lucky, smiley employee acted so blue this past week. His smile gone. Shoulders always slumped. He looked like he wasn’t sleeping. And he kept asking me about you.”
I let out a breath, like all the air had been taken from my lungs. Heart ripped right out of my chest.
Oh, Victor.
“Okay, so hold your laughter,” Mom shouted from the staircase, interrupting our conversation. Her steps padded across the floor.
She stepped into the living room, and a smile immediately broke across my face. She was in the pepper shaker costume.
There was a shy smile on her face. “So, it’s not exactly my size,” she said softly. “But you’ve always got the pepper to your salt in me.”
My heart melted. The pepper costume in a men’s large completely hung on Mom, but she was still the cutest pepper shaker I’d ever seen.
I set my mug down on the coffee table. “Thanks, Mama.” My voice was wobbly with tears again. I jumped up from the couch and wrapped her up in a hug.
Twenty-Six
Early Monday morning, I had an unexpected email from Dean Oates in my inbox with a request for a meeting with her when I made it into the office.Dean Oates, the head of our department, wanted to meet with me right away?I scanned the email for any clue I could find to determine what this meeting was about, but she’d given no other details, only an invitation to meet when I got to campus.
She’d popped into my office casually sometimes, and we’d had pre-scheduled meetings, but a random email requesting to see me right away wasn’t normal.
I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry, as I tried to focus on getting ready for the day. I sleeked my hair back into a ponytail, threw on a black cardigan, and grabbed a bagel, holding it between my teeth, as I juggled my tote and keys on my way out the door.
I didn’t bother putting on a podcast or audiobook to distract me during the drive. Instead, I wallowed in my anxious thoughts about every possible reason Dean Oates might want to meet with me so urgently.
Maybe it was something good. Maybe she wanted to discuss my upcoming class. Maybe she was making an effort to meet with the faculty more.
Or maybe I was out of a job.I couldn’t help but feel a slow-building sense of foreboding.
The bagel I had for breakfast sat like cement in my twisted stomach the entire drive to campus.
“Dean Oates asked me to make sure you head over to her office after you arrived,” Sonny greeted me as I whisked past her desk.
I shot her a thumbs up before dumping my stuff on my desk. I took a steadying breath, imagining Victor’s warm hands around my shoulder, just the way we practiced.I can handle however the meeting goes. Good or bad.
Dean Oates greeted me with a soft smile after I knocked on her office doorway. “Come in, come in.” She gestured toward the burnt orange chair across from her desk. “I’ve been wanting to touch base with you.”
