Page 57 of The Boyfriend Boycott
I’m still staring down into my glass, my heart cracking in two. She’s never told me about this time in her life, in my life, and now I’m realizing that I also never asked. I finally brave looking up at her from where I’m seated cross-legged on the floor. Her face has more lines in it than I remember, and in the dim light cast from the fireplace, she looks … human.
She’s peering back at me with watery eyes, and our gazes meet, a silent understanding passing between us. So many years of hurt and anger dissipating all at once.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get emotional,” she says. “All I mean to say, Ally, is that your life is going to change in ways you could never even imagine right now. For better and for worse. Remember, you are just one human, doing your very best with what you have, with what you were given. You just wake up each day and try again. You’ll make mistakes. But you’re already miles ahead of where I was at your age. So, the mistakes won’t be as big, and you’ll get through it.”
Ally doesn’t say anything, she just regards my mother, a contemplative smile on her lips, a gentle hand on her belly. Ally’s questions weren’t for her, anyway. Ally is going to be an amazing mother. All the things Marla wasn’t, and so much more. She knows babies, she’s trained for this. And Mason will be here to support her.
A few seconds of silence stretch out between the four of us, and then we turn our attention back to the movie. A scene is playing out where the woman bumps into a man that she had had a fling with the last time she was in town. He’s tall, dark and handsome as all Hallmark men are. Rough around the edges, the opposite of her in her Louboutin’s.
“What’s Grady up to tonight, Spence?” Ally asks, and I cock my head at her. What’s with all her questions?
“How should I know? I don’t keep tabs on what Grady does.” The words come out faster than I intended, my mouth suddenlygoing dry. I refuse to admit that I do know where he is. He’s started texting me when he’s out, keeping me updated on where he is and when he’ll be home. And I like it. It’s grounding, consistent. He’s working the bar tonight and gave Finn the night off. Something about a rec hockey game he has every week.
“Well, you’re basically living with him now, aren’t you?”
I am living with him for all intents and purposes. It’s been two weeks since I stayed out in the van. It’s not even a conscious decision anymore. I just go and get myself ready for bed in Grady’s ensuite like I’ve always lived there, and tuck myself into his bed as if I’ve always slept in it.
“I am not living with him. I’m staying with him while my mom is in town and has nowhere else to go. Very different things.”
Marla raises her eyebrows like she’s the only one aware of the lies. I flash her a withering glare, a warning to keep her mouth shut about anything that has transpired at Grady’s house.
“Grady would have no problem if you moved all your stuff in and declared that you were living there from then on. He’d probably sign over the deed to the house,” Poppy adds with a giggle. I forget that she grew up in Heartwood too, only a few years younger than Ally and me. She went to school with Jett, so she would know the Landrys better than I do at this point.
“That’s not how it is between us. We established rules very early on that we were just going to keep this strictly a sex thing,” I state.
“You gave him rules? Did you like, write them out and have him sign a contract or something?”Ally says it like it’s ridiculous, but maybe I should have, fuck. Maybe a legally binding document would have made sure we stuck to it.
“No, Ally. I’m not a sociopath. But yeah, I gave him rules. No relationships over here, remember? My heart is closed for the season. Possibly forever.”
“But your vagina isn’t.” Oh, sonowmy mother chimes in.
“Mom! What the fuck.” I shriek, covering my face with my hands.
“I’m just saying. I know what I hear through the floorboards.”
Poppy giggles even harder at that, and Ally’s jaw just about hits the floor. I feel my cheeks burn.
“I have needs, okay?” I defend. Needs that Grady satisfies a little too well. “I just don’t want to be tangled up in feelings for anyone. That’s when things get messy. That’s when you start making sacrifices, and I can’t do that.”
“Okay, let’s just put a pin in the rest of that for later. What are your rules?”Ally presses.
“We agreed on three, to start with. I added a few more because he started to cross some lines, and I had to nip it in the bud. Number one was one night only.” I start counting off the rules on my fingers. “Two was no strings attached. And three was …” My voice trails off, realizing that number three will be devastating to Ally. My mind spins trying to think of something to tell her. I could say we didn’t want to tell anyone. Yeah, I’ll say that.
“What was it?” she asks again. I glance around at Marla and Poppy, both waiting expectantly for my response.
“We don’t tell you,” I blurt. God, I’m a horrible liar. “What is in this wine?” I deflect, fanning my face to cool my hot cheeks.
“What the hell, Spencer!”
“I mean, you found out anyway … We clearly didn’t try very hard to keep it from you.”
“Yeah, but come on, we tell each other everything. Why did you think you couldn’t tell me?”
“God, Ally, look at you. You have this perfect life with this amazing man, you’re pregnant with his baby. This is what you’ve always wanted for yourself, and that’s amazing, I’m so happyfor you. But you don’t think that maybe other people don’t want this. You’ve always been trying to set me up, and it always goes horribly wrong.”
“I do not!”
“Remember Todd Pringle?” I cringe.
