Page 56 of The Boyfriend Boycott
“Okay, well I wouldn’t saypetrified. I think I held it together.”
“Yeah, if you call closing your eyes the whole time holding it together.”
“The sun was bright,” I lie. In fact, the sunrise was just a convenient cover.
“Sure.” Her eyes crease at the corners as she squints at me, forming those little crow’s feet that I wouldn’t change for the world.
She flops down on the seat next to me when we get back to the car. I open my mouth to ask her if she wants breakfast, but she’s distracted by something on her phone.
“Everything okay?” It’s the same look she gets when her mom texts, but I happen to know that Marla will still be asleep when we get back.
“Yeah. It’s just my agent.” Right. The portfolio she was working on. “She said she loves what I’ve put together so far.” A half-smile forms on her mouth.
“That’s good, right?” I ask. Every fibre of my being hopes that Spencer will say no. That my plan is working, my grand gesture enough to convince her that she doesn’t need that job. She doesn’t need to leave. There’s something in her expression that seems like she’s deflated a bit. She shakes her head, a crease forming between her brows.
“Yeah. No. It’s great,” she says. “It’s just still not enough for the rep at Mile High. They want a guarantee that I’ll be able to deliver. They want to know that what we’ve done here has worked. That we’ve won at the council meeting.”
“We will win at the council meeting,” I reassure her, though every part of me wants to tell her that she should turn the jobdown regardless of what happens. That I would do anything to take care of her, give her a home here. I know that won’t work. I’ve also come to accept the fact that when it comes to Spencer, this has to be on her terms. All I can do is continue to show her that what we have is worth more than any job, apartment, or trip could ever give her. The feeling I get from this thought isn’t all that different from the feeling I had going up in the balloon, my gut tightens, bracing myself. I just hope that when Spencer decides what she wants, it doesn’t send me crashing down to earth at terminal velocity.
CHAPTER 24
SPENCER
“I still don’t understandwhy no one wanted to watchHouse on the Bloodstained Hill,” Poppy groans. “This is cheesy.”
“Horror movies don’t exactly scream girls’ night, Pops,” Ally calls from the kitchen.
“Whatever.” Poppy playfully rolls her big doe eyes. “It’s okay if you can’t hack it, Ally. Just admit it.” In an interesting turn of events, Poppy is an avid lover of horror and gore.
It’s not my cup of tea, either, but to be fair, though neither is the Hallmark rom-com Ally has decided on. Naturally, the opening shot is of a well-dressed woman, stumbling her way onto a train platform in what I can only assume is a small town where she will be stranded for the next hour and a half.
Ally joins us in the living room, handing each of us a bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine. She flops down onto the worn sofa with a sigh that makes me think her belly might completely deflate.
“Just so you know, I officially hate you all for drinking around me right now.”
“When are you due, Ally?” my mother asks. I brought her along to our girls’ night because it felt wrong to leave her out when she doesn’t have anything else to do. Truth be told,I’m enjoying having her around now. She’s settled in here and even started making friends when Winnie invited her to weekly bridge at her house.
I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up, but I can’t help but think that this breakup might be different for her. She’s wearing the clothes she likes to wear again. She’s making her own friends here. She seems to be listening when people tell her that she can have a fulfilling life on her own.
Tonight is reminiscent of my favourite times growing up, rare as they were. We’d have girls’ nights like this occasionally, once she was able to get her life back in order post-breakup. Even then, I knew that girls’ nights were to be enjoyed in the moment, and that they would inevitably end when the next guy came around. I decided early on that I wouldn’t be like my mother, and that the women in my life would always come before any guy I was seeing. I stayed true to that. Despite my affinity for one-night stands and casual hook-ups, I nevereverlet a guy take me home from the bar if Ally was going to be left alone.
Things with my mom are different now, I can feel it in my bones. She’s changing.
“I’ll be thirty-four weeks tomorrow,” Ally answers. “But I feel like I’m going on sixty. Pregnancy feels so much longer when you find out about it right away.”
“It’ll be over in no time,” my mother consoles her. “Motherhood is like that. Everything goes by so fast. Don’t spend all your days just wishing for the next phase. You’ll look back and wish you had soaked it in more.”
I cock my head, listening to Marla talk about motherhood as if she’s Mother Mary herself feels like having an out-of-body experience. Ally flashes me a glare, recognizing that the look on my face is one that I make when I’m trying to stifle a scoff.
“What was your pregnancy like with Spencer?” Ally asks and I can’t hold it in any longer. This should be rich. I’m going through all the possible complaints, no booze … no Botox …
“It was magical,” she says wistfully. Well, that’s not what I was expecting. “The moment I found out about Spencer I was so excited. I felt like a mother the second I saw that positive result. I wasn’t working at the time. Spencer’s father made a good living, so I stayed at home. I spent my days in her nursery, decorating here and there, folding her tiny clothes so they were ready for her. Some days I would just sit on the floor and imagine how my life would change once she came.”
My eyes start burning, my mother’s admission reaching a deep part of me that I had long forgotten about, the little girl that desperately wanted to hear this. I swallow past the lump in my throat, staring into my wine glass as I swirl the liquid around.
“What was it like? When she arrived?” Ally asked again, glancing over at me knowingly. Ally knows what hearing this is doing to me, how it’s healing me.
“The first moment I looked at her, she felt like my best friend in the whole world. I felt like I had already known her for a lifetime. The first few days were hard. She cried and cried, didn’t want to be held. Didn’t want a soother. Nothing. I should have known then that she would grow up to be so stubborn and fiercely independent. But we figured it out, together. We had to. When Spencer’s father left a few months later, it was just her and I against the world. I had no idea what I was doing half the time. I was so young, barely an adult at that point. I didn’t have a good reference point. My parents weren’t around and were never healthy even when they were. I know I’ve made mistakes, but Spencer was the only thing that got me through. Her spark, her fire, that’s what inspired me to keep going when I felt like it was impossible.”
