Page 37 of Pain
Matt pulled back, wiping his eyes with his hands. "Sorry, it was just a relief." He turned to the detective. "Thanks for not giving up."
"I promised you I would do all I could. I'll keep that promise." The detective stood, gathering the photos off the table before going to the door and opening it. "Good afternoon, gentlemen."
Xander turned back to Matt. "Let's go home."
Matt nodded as he silently stood.
Xander led him out the door with a gentle hand on his back, both relieved and frustrated that this hadn't opened up any new leads. The last thing he wanted was for Matt to have to face the chance that Faith was dead or proof that she was being sexually assaulted, but then again, one small lead would give them something to work with. Even if it led them to a body, knowing she was gone would be easier than not knowing.
Once in the car, Matt turned to Xander. "Thank you for that."
"I'm glad I could be there with you. Never hesitate to call me."
Matt nodded as he clicked his seat belt in place, leaned back in the seat, and closed his eyes.
Leaving him alone to think, Xander pulled out on the road. Matt needed time to process everything, and Xander would give him that. He'd make sure he was okay before he left him alone, but honestly, he didn't know how Matt would ever be okay as long as Faith was missing. It was something that would eat a parent up inside. All he could do was be there if Matt needed him. The rest was out of his hands.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Matt stepped out of the shower, his body drained emotionally. He was a mess after everything that had happened. When he'd first gotten the phone call, hope soared that this would lead him to Faith, but then the more he thought about it, the more he grasped what he was going to the police station to look at, the more he realized that it could have been the end of everything.
If those clothes had been Faith's, it would have meant she was probably dead too. It meant that, because they were found with another body of a child, that whoever had her was willing to kill.
His mind went nuts with the what-ifs and the possibilities. By the time he'd called Xander to go with him, he'd been ready to lose his mind. He didn't know what to do.
Now, somewhere in the area, other parents were identifying their child's clothing or worse yet, their child's body. How selfish was he to be thankful that it wasn't his daughter when others weren't as lucky? He hated the joy and relief that had hit him as he turned over that last photograph.
The sound of Xander working in the kitchen echoed down the hall. As much as he wanted to be alone and wallow in his own emotions, he was glad that Xander insisted on staying. He'd sent him off to shower while he cooked dinner for the two of them.
Matt wrapped the towel around his waist before stepping out into the bedroom, his gaze immediately going to a photo on his dresser of Jill and Faith sitting on a rock. He remembered the day he'd taken the picture. Faith had been about three years old and they'd gone on a short hike up to a lake in the area. They'd just finished lunch when Jill and Faith had walked up a short path and sat on the rock to look over the valley below.
Matt followed them lazily, pulling his camera out and snapping pictures so they could always remember the day.
God, how he missed them.
Tears started to fall again as emotional pain swelled inside him. How was he supposed to live through this? He thought losing Jill was as hard as things could get, but now, losing Faith was so overwhelmingly painful that he thought he was going to explode with the worry and fear he had to face each day she was gone.
The pain quickly turned to anger as he thought about how everything he loved had been taken from him. Wasn't losing one person he loved enough? Did he have to lose his daughter as well?
He grabbed a bottle of cologne off the dresser and threw it across the room, watching it shatter against the wall. "Fuck!" he screamed as he reached for a small porcelain statue and tossed it too, the sound of it shattering somewhat satisfying. He turned, sweeping his arm across the dresser, sending everything flying off it as he gave into his rage and let the emotions overwhelming him finally take over.
"Matt." Xander was suddenly in front of him, pushing him hard, back against the wall and crowding him with his body. "Stop. This isn't going to do any good."
Matt pushed Xander back. "Nothing does any good. No matter what I do, it does no good. She's gone. They're both gone. How the fuck am I supposed to go on like this? How can I live knowing she's out there, probably being hurt, and I can't protect her?" Matt shoved Xander again.
Xander gripped Matt's arms, holding them at the wrist as he lifted them over Matt's head, again pushing him hard against the wall. "Stop, you don't want to destroy everything. I know it hurts. I know you're angry, but this isn't the way." Xander's chest pressed against Matt's, holding him to the wall as his hands continued to trap Matt's hands over his head. "Stop and breathe."
"I don't want to fucking breathe. I want my daughter back!" Matt closed his eyes, his breath coming hard. He didn't fight Xander. It was pointless, he was too strong, and honestly, he was right. None of this was going to solve anything.
Tears still fell as he tried to calm himself down, but his emotions were so all over the place he didn't know how to control them. Just for a little while, he wanted this all to go away, for it to go back to how it had been before Faith was taken. He needed the sanity he hadn't been able to find since the call had come that she never came home from school.
"I can't do this." Matt cried as he again struggled against Xander's hard body.
"You don't have a choice." Xander's voice was calm. "You aren't going to give up. I won't let you."
"I can't do this anymore. I can't." Matt fought again to break free of Xander.
"Stop fighting me. You have to calm down. Destroying things isn't going to help."
