Page 18 of The Road Home
CHAPTER EIGHT
Jared opened the window again wondering if he should get a fan or something to cool off the shop. It wasn't even the peak of the summer and he was already sweating to death. He'd debated on it last year too, but by the time he really thought about doing it, fall had come, and temperatures had cooled down. Now he wished he'd found something.
The scent of the wood was calming, but he was distracted by the sound of the lawnmower outside. He glanced out the window, taking in Orson as he pushed it across the lawn. The more time he spent with him, the more he liked him, and now, seeing him with his shirt off, noticing his pale skin and how soft it appeared, he liked him even more. Probably in a way he shouldn't. In fact, he was sure it was in a way he shouldn't.
He hadn't missed how nervous and insecure Orson was when they were alone. He was positive Orson was just waiting for him to attack and use him the way he figured so many other men had. It wasn't going to happen. Attracted to him or not, he wouldn't be the kind of man who took advantage of him. Besides, outing himself wasn't an option. He didn't need anyone knowing he was gay. Not yet. He'd stick to quick trips to the club where he could meet a stranger and never have to even know their name. It was enough for now. It had to be.
Orson glanced up and smiled at him through the window and a wave of guilt hit Jared hard. He was such a wimp. Here Orson was, begging for a job just so he could eat, but he never once denied who he was, but Jared, in exchange for having a good life, was too scared to admit that he liked men.
No matter how he tried to tell himself that things weren't like they were when he was growing up in Montana, he still couldn't bring himself to step out of the closet. He hid in there, so scared of what his family and friends would say. Hell, he knew gay couples who were leading happy lives. Richard owned the gym where he worked out and he was about to marry his boyfriend. Jared ran his hand down the hutch he was making as a gift for them. Things had changed in the world. He no longer lived in a small town where everyone knew him and would judge, but he still couldn't bring himself to say the words 'I'm gay' out loud. The fear he'd built up over the years now controlled him, and there was a part of him that feared that if he came out, even now, he'd end up just like Orson. He'd lose everything he'd worked so hard for.
The lawnmower cut off, forcing Jared to push back everything he'd been thinking about. He just needed to stay focused on what worked. Sex wasn't everything, and love, well, he wasn't sure he even believed in it. He'd watched his parents just go through the motions for years, but there had never been and still wasn't any love between them, at least not that he ever witnessed.
"Hey, it looks great." Jared stepped out of the shop and made his way to where Orson was pushing the mower into the small shed near the garage. "How about a drink?"
"Yeah, it's hot today." Orson went to wipe his forehead with his arm, forgetting about the cast on his arm. He sighed as he glared at it before using his other arm to do the job.
"Tell you what, when you come over next weekend, if you want, I'll cut the cast off for you, but you have to promise to take it easy for a few more weeks. No heavy lifting, massive amounts of pushups, or fighting," Jared teased.
"Do I look like I do any of those things?" Orson laughed. "I'm not sure I could do ten pushups let alone a massive amount. I've never been strong."
"You're stronger than you know." Jared thought about how much braver Orson was than him. "Come on inside. I think I have some lemonade or iced tea if you want."
"Either is good." Orson followed him inside, stopping to grab his shirt off one of the lawn chairs on the patio.
"You know, if you want to use my shower and laundry while you're here, I'm sure I have a pair of sweats you can wear while the washer is going. It's up to you, but if I'm going to be making you work all day, the least I can do is give you a chance to shower and wash your clothes." Jared couldn't imagine wearing the same clothes every day and he was sure he'd only seen Orson in two different shirts and always the same pair of pants. If he wasn't so worried about offending him, he'd offer to take him shopping for a few more things.
Orson stopped walking.
Feeling as if he said something wrong, Jared held up his hand. "It's just an offer. I didn't mean to offend. I just figured—"
"No, you didn't offend. I'm sorry if I made you think so. I'm just not used to someone offering anything without wanting something in return. I mean… I don't think you do, but it's hard for me to believe that someone is just being nice. I get nervous. I'd really like a shower later if that is okay. And a chance to do laundry would be great." Orson wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm sorry if I don't seem grateful. I'm just not used to people being nice like you are."
"It's okay. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you. If I can do anything to help make it easier, I will. Like I said, I need the help around here, and I like the company. You're doing me a favor coming here to help, I can return the favor by letting you grab a shower and do laundry." Jared went to the fridge and opened the door. "Would you rather have tea or lemonade?"
Orson shrugged. "I guess tea."
"I know this is all new to you, but when you’re here, I hope you'll grow to be more comfortable. If I'm doing something else and you want a drink, come in and get one. If you need the bathroom, just go use it. You don't have to ask to come inside. I wouldn't have invited you here if I didn't feel like I can trust you. I meant what I said the other night about being friends. You're not just a guy who does work for me." Jared set the drinks on the table and sat down, frowning as he got a better look at Orson's face. "Is your chin hurting?"
Orson reached up, running his fingers over the scar. "It's tender, but not really hurting."
"It looks red."
"Could be the heat." Orson shrugged.
"Could be, but I don't think so." He reached out his hand, stopping right before he touched him. "Can I feel?"
"Sure." Orson lifted his chin.
Jared didn't miss how easily Orson accepted his touch this time. He shouldn't have been as happy about that as he was, but the fact that trust was building between them meant a lot. He gently palpated the area, not liking how it felt. "I'm going to give you another prescription for antibiotics when you leave today. The clinic is closed on Sunday, so we can go get it filled somewhere before I drop you off."
"No, that's okay. I can go to the clinic in the morning and get it filled before I head to the shelter to check in and see about a job." Orson pulled back before bringing his own fingers to his chin again. "Are you sure I need them?"
"I'd rather be safe than sorry. It's not healing like I'd hoped. No other pain or issues anywhere?" He hoped Orson would be honest with him, but he could see how uncomfortable he was talking about things.
"No, the ribs are still tender, but that's to be expected. They'll heal. Everything else is okay."
Jared didn't push the issue. If there was any infection anywhere else, the pills would take care of that too. "Just promise me you'll take the pills. I don't like how your chin isn't healing."
