Page 23 of The Road Home
"What about your friends you're making the hutch for?"
"Richard and Tyler? Richard owns a gym downtown. That's where I met him. I've only met Tyler a couple of times. Richard and I go to lunch and hang out sometimes, but he's pretty wrapped up in Tyler when he gets any time off."
"You have no family?"
Jared set his sandwich down, his body suddenly tensing. "Um, Mom and Dad still live in Montana. I go up there for Christmas if I can, but we never got along well. I mean, they gave me everything I needed. I wasn't abused or neglected, but they aren't the loving kind of parents most people have. They are very serious about things. Don't laugh or joke around at all. Everything is black and white to them. It can be a bit much going back now that I'm older."
"I guess no one has normal parents." Orson reached for his drink. "I knew I was gay when I was young. Maybe ten or eleven. The other boys started to notice girls, but I was noticing guys. By the time I was thirteen I was sure, and I finally understood enough to know what it meant. I struggled with it at first, thinking something was wrong with me, but then a friend's older brother talked to me. He must have noticed something, to this day I don't know what, but one day I was watching my friends fuck around playing football and he sat down beside me. He was cool, not like some of the other older brothers who were mean to us all the time. He said he knew I liked boys and that it was okay. Said I shouldn't ever let anyone tell me it was wrong. I'm sure I must have looked scared to death because he just laughed and told me he wouldn't tell anyone my secret. He said he liked them too, and when the time was right, I'd tell people. We talked off and on for the next year. He was the one person I could confide in. He left for college after that and I never saw him again."
"Did you ever come out to your friends?"
"Nope, only to Hunter Carson. I caught him watching me in the shower one day after baseball practice. We were juniors in high school. The looks we shared became more frequent until one afternoon he finally asked me out. I was scared to death, but you know how it is at that age, hormones going wild and everything. I wanted to know what I was missing. I wanted to see what sex was all about and know what all my friends were talking about, so I agreed. We just went out to dinner. It was easy. Everyone thought we were just friends. Then we went back to his place. We said we were playing video games in his room all night, but we were doing a lot more. His parents never caught on. We were together through the summer and a few months into my senior year when we were caught by my parents in my backyard. They sent Hunter home and that was when everything went to hell. I never saw Hunter again. I never went back to school. Never played another game of baseball. My dad said if he even saw me around town he'd tell everyone what I was and warn them to stay away from me. Now that I'm older I know that not everyone would have agreed with him, but I was scared and confused. I didn't want my parents to tell Hunter's. I left home and headed to Phoenix, hoping I could figure out what to do from there." Orson stared at the half-eaten sandwich on his plate. "I wish I'd been stronger."
Jared reached over and covered Orson's hand with his own. "You are so much stronger than you know. Do you have any idea how strong you had to be to stand up for who you are? That took more strength than most have. You could have denied everything. Let your parents make you into what they wanted you to be. You could have given up being yourself just to make them happy. You've stayed true to yourself, and that is more amazing than anything. I know life hasn't been great for you since, but never will you have to look back and think that you were weak. That you weren't who you were meant to be. Someday when all this changes and you've fallen in love with someone, it will hopefully all make sense. It will have been worth it all."
Orson stared at Jared's hand over his. It was the most affectionate, caring gesture, and was nearly his undoing. He blinked back tears as he gently pulled his hand from under Jared's. "Thanks, but after all I've been through, I have to wonder if it might have been easier if I'd lied."
"I don't think it would have been." Jared stood, the look of sadness back in his eyes. "Anyway, it's not like we can go back and change anything now, is it?" He sighed as he threw his unfinished sandwich into the trash. "Let me get you that brace for your arm." Jared hurried from the kitchen.
Orson watched him go, confused by his sudden mood shift. He wasn't sure what he'd said wrong. He worried he'd upset him, but wasn't sure how. He'd said he was okay with him being gay, and he thought it was okay to tell him his story, but now he wondered. Was he just tolerating him? Acting like it wasn't a big deal when it was?
He didn't want to mess up his chance of making a little bit of money. He wasn't sure what he was going to pay him, but even five dollars could go a long way. Even though he tried not to get caught up in the word friend, he had, and he'd opened up to Jared in a way he hadn't really to anyone since leaving home. He was easy to talk to. It felt natural to tell him about his past, admit what had happened. He just needed to remind himself that he didn't have friends. People felt sorry for him, but they didn't want to be part of his life. Jared only wanted to help him, maybe use him to get some things done around the yard. It wasn't anything more than that. It was best he keep his personal life just that, personal. He didn't need to share.
Jared walked back in holding a dark blue brace. Orson had seen people wearing ones like it, and was glad it just went half-way up his arm and left his fingers free.
"This should protect the area where the break was. Just make sure you keep it on, even when you sleep." Jared opened the Velcro and held it open for Orson to slide his hand through.
"This is so much nicer than the cast." Orson watched Jared tighten it. "Thank you so much."
"Glad to help. You're lucky I had the brace laying around. I'm not even sure why I have it."
"I'll return it as soon as I'm done."
"You don't have to. I can get more easily." Jared stood just in front of him. "I'm just glad you're healing so well. I'll get you that prescription too. But make sure you get it filled first thing in the morning and take all the pills. If I see you next weekend and your chin isn't healed, I'm dragging you to the hospital with me to get it taken care of."
"Do I want to know what you'd have to do?"
"Probably not, so take the pills so we don't have to go there," Jared warned.
"I promise." Orson hated pills, and he always forgot to take them, but he didn't want to end up at the hospital. This once, he would do as Jared asked and make sure to take them all. "So, what else can I help you with today?"
"Nothing today, but I thought we could draw up plans for the backyard. I can run to the store tomorrow and get everything we'll need so when you come over next Sunday we can be ready to go."
"You won't be mad if another job comes through and I can't come on Sundays anymore?"
"No, in fact, I'd be happy for you. If you still wanted to help me, we could figure something out, but it's not a big deal if you can't. It will get done, just slower since I'm so lazy."
"I've seen your shop, you're hardly lazy."
"True, but I tend to let other things that need to get done sit while I play in the shop. I need to work on getting important things done too, like the house cleaned, lawn mowed, or laundry." Jared reached for a notebook and pen that were on the kitchen counter before sitting back down. "So, tell me your ideas again."
Surprised that Jared wanted to hear his ideas, he explained how he'd envisioned the backyard. As they discussed everything, he almost forgot how fucked up his life was. If nothing else came of the day, just for a few hours he had the chance to feel normal, and that gave him hope that someday soon his life could be like Jared's. All he wanted was a safe place to live and a few friends to spend time with. He wouldn't get his hopes up, but he wouldn't give up his dream.
