Page 90 of For Cowgirls and Kings
This is why Stetson and I work—always have. We aren’t afraid to have fun and joke, but we also aren’t afraid of being real and honest with each other. We aren’t afraid to call each other out.
“What elephant?” I deflate, taking another swallow causing my brain to ice over in the process.
“You and Mateo fucking.”
I snort, the liquid spewing from my lips and out my nose, burning with its exit. I stare at her smug face, margarita dripping from my chin. Faith giggles, and I turn an equally icy stare toward her flushed face.
What the actual fuck? How did they know that?
“What’re you talking about?”
Stetson rolls her eyes, shifting forward, her hand resting on her bump. She takes a slow, purposeful sip of her virgin margarita, licking her lips. “Don’t play stupid Dale, you’re too fucking hot to ruin your badass reputation by acting dumb.”
There’s a complement somewhere in there, I just know it.
“We’re just friends.” I sigh, taking another sip. Her eyes narrow on me.
“Sure, but like, friends who fuck.”
There’s no point in denying it. And honestly I don’t want to. I want to talk to someone about it. I want to know why we did it and he hasn’t touched me since. I want to know why I thought I could handle being the girl who loses her virginity to her friend, who’s been her savior, who was her first kiss, who she’s also kind of living with.I want to know why I can’t stop thinking about him.
“Fine. But it was just one night,” I concede, and before I canget the words fully out, Faith’s squealing, burying her face in her hands.
And I thought I was innocent.
“And?” Stetson asks, as if she’s discussing the weather.It’s maddening.Is this how she felt when I was pushing Gus on her? Asking her about him? God, if Stetson came in and started flirting with Mateo right now, I don’t know if I could contain myself the way she did.
“And what? It’s just sex.”
“Dale,” she barks and I sigh, the need to talk overtaking my stubborn need to remain private.
“It was incredible—” I grumble, looking over my shoulder to make sure he didn’t magically appear and hear my confession. “It was so much more than I expected, and so much better than I could have hoped for, and now I don’t know what to fucking do. He’s made it very clear that we’re still just friends, he hasn’t touched me in a week, and I’m going crazy. What should I do?” The words pour from me, and with each one I feel lighter.
Stetson whistles, her eyes widening. “Dude, you’re fucked.”
I slump back in the chair with a huff, scrunching my eyes closed. “I’m so fucked.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to take control. Since, you know—” I peek an eye open to look at Faith. She’s the last one I expected to speak up, and with such solid advice. I haven’t told them everything I endured, but I know they know I was assaulted in more ways than one. I don’t know if it kills them not knowing all the details, or if they’re able to sleep a little better, simply because they don’t know the darkness I endured.
I pray it’s the latter, and that’s why I keep it locked up to myself. Well, myself and Mateo.
“You’re holding out on us Faith,” I tease, and she flushes crimson.
“I wouldn’t want to scare you guys away yet. I can be a real freak behind closed doors.”
Stetson and I erupt into laughter at that, and Faith cackles along with us. I wipe a tear from under my eye, shucking it away.
“Do tell.”
Faith shakes her head. “You first.”
“Ugh, fine. He probably is waiting, he’s a gentleman like that. The whole thing was—” I pause, lost for the right words. “He kept saying I have the power, so I know he wanted me to take control, not that I don’t think he doesn’t like control.” I trace a small circle on my knee, remembering the way he took control when I asked him to. “I just…I was a virgin.”
There, I’ve said it now.
The room is so silent, the sound of flies buzzing around us enough to make my ears ring.
“Well, at least your first time was with someone you actually liked. Most of us are far less lucky,” Faith states, taking a sip of her margarita. She’s so thoughtful, so kind and tender.How did she end up with Stetson and I?
