Page 136 of For Cowgirls and Kings
She pinches my side, and clucks her tongue. “You have no faith. Maybe if you did, she wouldn’t feel like she has to work so hard to always prove that you’re right and that she really is the worst version of herself that she can be.”
“You’re not honestly implying that I’m the reason my older sister is a bi—” Her free hand slaps my stomach and I wince. “A not so nice person.”
“No, your sister is very much her own person, with her own demons. But she’s never wanted to protect and please someone more than she does you. You might be her younger brother, but she envies and looks up to you. She’s had to take care of herself, and you if I’m being honest with myself. Who took care of her?”
I look down at the top of my mama’s head, wondering if I stare long enough, if I’ll be able to see what’s going on inside. She was a good mom—fun, supportive, kind—nothing like V.She surely doesn’t think she did wrong by us?
I mean, she was never the most involved or present—being the wife of a powerful man didn’t give her a lot of time to play hostess and mom, and maybe she did prefer being our friendover a mother, but it could have been so much worse. I turned out happy and healthy, and she’s to thank for that.
Right?
“I can practically hear the wheels turning Mateo.” She clucks, before dropping her arms and walking towards the front door of the house. “I’m not saying I was a bad mom, I did the best I could. But Valentina, she played a major role in raising you. That’s what older sisters do. And I know I relied on her too heavily, expected too much of her, pressured her too much. She stopped being a kid a long time ago, forgetting what joy feels like, because I forced her to be the parent when I didn’t want to be. You never had to deal with any of that. She made sure of it.”
I don’t remember my childhood that way at all. It was full of being a wild child, finding my place within the mold my father carefully sculpted for me. My sister was always just in the background, and angry, as far as I can remember.
Mama turns to me, her brown eyes glistening with tears. “I hate that she’s fallen so far from the girl I remember. And I know this will hurt her at first, and we have to prepare for the inevitable fall out, but I think what you’re doing is right.”
“Dad would hate it,” I whisper, more to myself than her. To my surprise she nods.
“He would. And I loved your dad, in the best way I could, but he was a miserable man. And in the end I think it was the pressure he put himself under that killed him. That robbed us all of a happy life together.” She rushes back to me, her hand sliding up my face. “You’re more of a man than he ever was, because you’re doing what’s right, not what others want of you.”
I can’t fathom the words, even as they tumble from my mother’s lips. They always seemed like a fit match, never arguing or disagreeing. But if she’s so openly disagreeing with how my father lived now, what else did I miss as a child? I hadblinders on no doubt, but now I’m wondering if it was more of a hood.
“Show me this house, and tell me your plans for V. I have to get back to the airport by seven.” I follow her toward the large brass door, the weight of her words pelting me.
Just like that, she’s jetting right back out of my life. Maybe she was right and V had to deal with so much more than I realized. Would I be as bitter and angry if I was her, and in the end got nothing? No recognition or power or thanks even for everything I’d done?
The wooden floors creak as we walk in, and that new found sense of peace settles over me as I consider the answer.
Because honestly, yes, I think I would be. And hopefully, when she gets over the betrayal, we’ll be able to start over.
“So, everything is settled?” Gus asks, his mouth full of french fries.
I shrug. “It will be soon.”
“I still think you should be talking to Dale, telling her what you’re doing. I feel dirty keeping secrets from her,” Stetson interjects.
“How is Dale?” I haven’t spoken to her since she moved out, per her request, and it’s eating me alive. I had the camera’s taken down, and I only check her social media once a day.Okay, maybe twice.
“Oh no!” Stetson wavers her hands in front of her face. “You’re not using me as a middle man.”
“Come on. He’s working hard here, the least you can do isgive the poor man a crumb of hope.” I smirk at Gus’s words. We’ve all but returned to our previous friendship—full of dry humor and sexual innuendos, but caring at its core.
I’m grateful. Without him, I’m not sure I’d be surviving right now.
Stetson rolls her eyes. “She’s good. She’s been at teacher training all week, which has wiped her out, but instead of drinking herself into forgetting every night, she’s been going for runs. Her therapist recommended it. There, that’s all I’m saying.”
I nibble on my lip, already berating myself for the question that’s going to spill from my mouth the second I open it, “And is she seeing anyone?”
Stetson freezes, her fork suspended midair. And then she turns the most vicious, heated glare in my direction, and I all but wither beneath it. Gus is scary, but Stetson? I’d be more terrified of her in the dark.
“You’re stupid. You know there isn’t. She loves you Mateo, and although everyone thinks she’s some hussy, you and I both know she’s not. Never has been. She just didn’t see any other option—” She sticks the bite in her mouth. “She might have, if you had told her sooner.”
“I can sympathize with Mateo, little filly.” Gus brushes his shoulder against hers.
“You would. You’re both a couple of pussies when it comes to the women you love.”
I snort, unable to deny her logic. I am scared, but only because I want things to be perfect for Dale—she deserves that much. As if hearing my thoughts, Stetson shakes her head. “Don’t wait too long, Mateo. She might think you don’t love her the way she thinks you do. Dale won’t ask for anything, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want it.”
