Page 120 of For Cowgirls and Kings
“What?”
I cross my own arms, if only to contain my pounding heart.White hot anger pulses through my veins, and I have to keep my feet from stomping away.Why would she keep this kind of secret from me?
“You kept this secret from me.” I don’t bother hiding the hurt in my voice and her face falls.
“Well, I thought you might act crazy. Glad to see I was wrong,” she grumbles, taking a step forward.
I back up a step, maintaining the distance between us. I know I shouldn’t feel betrayed, but I can’t stop the thoughts from running rampant in my head. Her eyes darken, glittering with anger of her own. Good—she should hate me.
“Damn it, Dale. Why wouldn’t you tell me this? You deserve closure. How can I give you closure if I don’t even know the fucking details?”
“I got closure, two of them are dead,” she challenges.
“And one of them got away! Plus, Valentina? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? She can’t get away with this. I can’t?—”
“Maybe I didn’t want you to take on blame that isn’t yours,” Dale snaps.
I shake my head, taking another step backward. “You got hurt because of your connection to me.”
“Maybe, but?—”
My knees quake at her admission. Maybe—how can she stand to be near me when it’s clear I’m the fucking problem?
“You deserve better,” I state, meaning it with every cell in my body. After everything she’s been through—everything I’ve put her through. Anyone would be better than me.
She scowls as she steps toward me, a single finger ghosting over my chest raising gooseflesh in its wake. She’s not touching me, and yet I can feel her like a blaze beneath my skin. “Don’t tell me what I do and don’t deserve,” she finally whispers.
I don’t move, even though I know abetter man would step away from her—distance the disease from that which is good. But I’m beginning to wonder if I am a good man. Have I ever been? Or am I the kind of man who’s a doormat, and lets things happen to the ones I love, simply because I’m a coward.
“I can’t hurt you anymore.”
“You”—she punches the finger to my chest, taking another sure step closer—“didn’t hurt me. You saved me.”
I shake my head, exhaustion weighing on my bones. “I should have done more. I should have intervened before it got to that point. If I hadn’t gotten fucking obsessed with you, they never even would have known you exist. How is that not my fault?”
“You’re going to say you’re obsessed with me, and that I deserve better? Which are you? A beast? Or a gentleman? Because you can’t be both.” She licks her lips, and even as my dick twitches at the sheer sight of her, still standing in nothing more than a short T-shirt, hair haphazard around her frame, face flushed with anger, I know this is wrong.
“Damn it, Dale. I’m trying to be a good person here.” I take another small step back, and her cheeks pinken further.
“Well you’re not. You’re a coward. Too afraid to take me all those years ago, and too afraid to keep me now. I know there’s no good way for us to work out. But?—”
“You’re right, I am a coward,” I say dryly, and her eyes flare.
She takes a shaky breath in, perhaps trying to calm the rage I sense just beneath her perfect exterior. I don’t want to fight with her, but I’m also afraid to do anything else. Fighting feels like we’re at least moving in the right direction—the one where she sees she’d be better off without me.
“You’re not going to push me away, not like this. I’m the one in control, remember? I’m the one who makes this decision.” Her eyes dart back and forth, and I see the war there. The onewhere she knows I’m right, but is too angry or too stubborn to admit it.
“I’m only saying what you’re thinking.”
“Don’t tell me what I’m thinking Mateo.” She takes two confident strides toward me, the heat radiating off her body in scorching waves, and then she tips her face to mine. “Get on your knees.”
I shake my head no, even as every cell in my body begs me to do as she says.
“Get on your fucking knees,” she says again, this time accompanied by nails raking deeply over my chest. So I do as I’m told, and fall to my knees. I’m too angry to think straight, too hurt to feel anything besides my pounding heart, and too desperate to see anything but Dale.
She deserves better. But I’d be lying if I ever thought I could let her go.
“You think you can walk away from me?” she hisses, stepping closer, her thighs bumping against my chest. As if with a mind of their own, my hands slide up her thighs, cupping the heavy globes of her ass, and I squeeze. She whines as my grip tightens, my tongue pinched between my teeth.
