Page 111 of For Cowgirls and Kings
The thought alone terrifies me, and I polish off the liquid in my glass, barely registering the burn as it races down my throat. I cannot afford to feel such things. Not for Mateo. Not for anyone.Not when I don’t even know what we are, or what we even could be.
“You guys are looking more like a couple every day.” Stetson winks as if she was just reading my thoughts.
“I think you guys are adorable.” Faith sighs dreamily, patting my arm.
“I think you’re crazy for even being interested in him. You know it’ll never work.”
All eyes snap to McCrae, who up until this moment, I’d somewhat forgotten was still sitting at the table. Like a fucking statue, unable to move. He’s barely shifted in his chair, and at this point, I don’t know why he’s even here still.
“I don’t remember asking for your fucking opinion, McCrae. I don’t know what makes you think you have any right saying anything,” Stetson snaps angrily.
I’m inclined to agree with her; I also can’t shake the feeling that he’s right. That even as harsh as it was, the words only mirrored the ones in the darkest parts of my mind. The one’s I’ve refused to acknowledge because the pain of them is borderline too great.
He just shrugs, rolling both his icy eyes and his thick shoulders.And then he stands, his chair screeching across the floor like nails across a chalkboard.
Everything about this man is wrong, like the devil took one look at him and decided even he had higher standards. He doesn’t belong in this world, and definitely not in these lives, and yet he tears through the fabric of our existences, worming his way in like a parasite.
“Just saying what she’s thinking.” He pauses, sucking in a shaky breath. “Congratulations, Stetson. I hope that you’ll be happy. Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”
“I didn’t,” Stetson bites out as he’s turning around. He just flashes her a wicked smile, before striding to the kitchen.
“I fucking hate him,” Stetson adds, shifting to put her hands under her belly.
“Did Gus invite him?”
She shakes her head. “No, but I don’t know. I know some part of him was glad that his brother showed up, even if they don’t get along. Gus, although not one to show emotion, still feels them like the rest of us. Maybe even more than the rest of us. And I know he wishes him and McCrae had a better relationship. It’s why he stuck with him all those years rodeoing, even when he no longer wanted to do it. He feels like he owes him…”
“Do you know why McCrae is so—” Faith waves her hand animatedly in front of her face.
“Not really. Their parents dying changed him, and I don’t know, there’s more to it, but it’s not really my story to tell. Plus, I don’t think Gus even knows the extent of it all—he seems to think he was the open one of the two of them, if you can believe that.”
“He doesn’t seem all bad.” Faith shrugs, and we both turn to face her, eyebrows raised.She’s not into him, right?Her eyes widen, and she waves a hand in front of her face. “No! Not likethat. He seems more sad than angry, it’s just buried under…everything else. He clearly doesn’t know how to deal with emotion. Plus, he can’t be all bad. I mean, Gus was a stalker, and he’s one of the best guys I know. It’s all relative, maybe he’s just misunderstood.”
“How drunk are you?” Stetson snorts, taking a sip of her juice.
Faith’s face softens, her eyes looking sad, before she shrugs once more. “If you guys can love me, the most misunderstood person alive, surely he must have some redeeming qualities.”
“You’re not a killer, Faith.” Stetson pats her arm reassuringly.
“Not all of us are what we are by choice,” Faith challenges, her eyes glittering with some unknown emotion—a small glimpse back to that girl we got drunk with not long ago, talking about her horrible parents flashing through.
Deciding it’s best to change the subject, I blurt, “do you think Gus and Mateo are making up?” Annoyingly my eyes drift back to the entryway, waiting for them to come back inside—McCrae's words playing like a loop over in my head.
You know it’ll never work.
The truth is, I do know it. We’re from two different worlds;the Prince and the Pauper.And just because they work out in the fairytales, doesn’t mean we will. I don’t even see how we could.
There’s no way I can live at his house once I go back to being a teacher, it’s too far a drive, and if I’m not staying there I’ll see him probably less than once a week because we’re both so busy. And once we start seeing each other less, the feelings between us will wane, just as they always do. Not to mention, I want to live here, and he could never move here and leave his family's ranch or the casino.
No, I don’t know how it could possibly work. Even if I want it to.
As if hearing my thoughts, the front door slams, and Mateo comes sauntering in, a mischievous smile toying at his perfect lips. He winks at me, setting the speaker on the kitchen counter. Gus follows behind him, and he shakes his head, his curls swirling around his face.
“Who’s ready to dance?” Mateo asks, hitting the power button on the top.
Faith claps, her giggle filling the room, previous darkening mood completely forgotten. I smile at him, desperate to bury my worry for another day, another time that’s less happy than this one. I want to enjoy these moments, because once Mateo and I go our separate ways, I don’t know when,or if, I’ll ever feel like this again.
“What are you going to play for us, big guy?” I tease, and his eyes glitter.
