I mean, fuck, I can lifthim.“Let me carry you out of here and we’ll see how much of a string bean I am.”
Akara just laughs.
Banks grips the top of a boxing bag, and when my eyes meet his, it feels like he can see right through me. Heat blazes my neck because I’m not totally fucking sure what he’s thinking. But I just know I wish I could hear it.
We loiter around for a second. Standing among the colorful boxing bags. And I look between them while they joke about redecorating the Studio 9 gym with polka-dots and stripes.
Would I like Banks or even Akara to pull me closer?Yeah.But not just in playful jest. Not just to protect me. In actual, realwant.Desire. Fuckingpassion.
Things I’ve only ever seen as a bystander and on TV shows likeRoswell(thanks to Luna’s obsession). I don’t want to make out with an alien though.
I want to be devoured by a hot fuckingman.Who I trust, who makes me feel so completely comfortable and confident even in my inexperience.
I’m picky about guys. I won’t physically let just anyonein. I crave those comfortable, trusting pieces while being mixed with theI wanna bang youattraction.
But it’s right here. They’re beyond bangable.
And I trust Banks.
I trust Akara.
They’d never take advantage of me. Never hurt me. I know they’d take care of me before, during, and afterward. They’re completely different guys, and I should be lucky that I’ve made two friends out of them, out of bodyguards.
Two friends who I’m attracted to.
“What’s that look?” Akara asks me with playfulness.
I won’t lie. “You’re both fucking hot.”
Banks smiles, one of those shadows of a smile.
Akara laughs brightly.
They know they’re hot.
I wrap an arm around a boxing bag. “I feel comfortable and safe around you two, and I figure if I never have another boyfriend in my life, I could totally see myself losing my virginity to either of you.”
Akara’s face drops.
Like plummets.
Like I took a needle and popped a fucking balloon.
Oh myfuckingGod.
Banks scratches the back of his head. His eyes are on Akara.
We joke all the time! This isn’t that different, right? Boobs, tits, ass, penis, cock—what’s so different about me mentioning my virginity? It’s not a joke to me, but they should at least respond like we’re friends, right? I said everything really casually, right??
RIGHT?!
I stammer, “I mean…I…um, it’d be like doing me a favor—I mean, not like that.Nota favor.” My face burns. “I’d hope you’d want it too. Don’t just sleep with me out of obligation.Fuck, what am I saying?” I’m boiling up. “It’s just…I want it to be good, and I think you’d both be really good—you’re experienced, and yeah…” I want to disappear.“It’s something…something to consider. Losing my virginity to one of you…?”
I can’t even look at them.
Silence.
All there is is utter fucking silence.