Page 19 of Sinful Like Us
No potential to fall in love, but she’s fallen in love with me.
I want to calm whatever fears she has about us. I want to beemotionallyavailable to Jane in a way that I’ve never been before in a relationship.
But I just don’t know how.
There is no protocol for love. No orders passed down to me, and I’m walking through this blindfolded and with my hands tied behind my back.
I stare hard at Banks. “I’m worried she feels like we moved in together too fast.”
“You were basically there every night when you were fake-dating,” he whispers. “It’s not that different now.”
I’m about to reply, but in the short beat, I zero in on the toothpick he chews. “How do you feel?”
He seesaws his hand. “Menzamenz.”Half and half.“I could use a cigarette like a prostitute could use a stiff dick.” He bites on the toothpick with a half-smile. “But you’re not gonna help me out.”
I nod strongly. He’s not wrong about that.
I’m not fueling my brother’s vice.
I tell him, “I never understood how you crave nicotine but I don’t.” In the military, we smoked about the same, but I quit easily coming home and I recreationally smoke a hell of a lot easier than him. He has one cigarette and he’s hungering for the entire fucking pack.
“Probably because you’re used to denying yourself life’s greatest pleasures.” He rests an elbow on the bar. “To make Dad happy, someone had to take most of the shit in our family, and you were good at it.” He winces in a thought. “He made you clean his Chrysler with a toothbrush, and all you said was,yes, sir.”
I must’ve been ten. “It wasn’t that bad.”
Banks cracks a quarter of a smile. “I’m pretty sure you liked living in hell and have no clue what heaven looks like.”
I instantly picture Jane at the mention of heaven.I’m trying to get there.I cross my arms. “Where do you think you’ll end up? Heaven or hell?”
He raises a shoulder in a stiff shrug. “I just know I want to be wherever you are.” He smacks my chest again. “And you’ll be chain-smoking in the afterlife with me.”
“Hell no.”
We smile, but it fades fast. My phone buzzes, and I take it out, expecting a text from Jane. Instead, I find a message from her brother.
Where are you?– Charlie
I reread the text with tightened eyes. Any text from Charlie to me is a thousand meters out of the ordinary.
Something’s not right.Carefully, I show the phone screen to Banks.
His brows furrow. “Haven’t the Cobalt brothers been icing you out?”
“Like a fucking arctic wind.” I text Charlie Cobalt my location, slip my phone in my back pocket, and tinker with my radio for better reception. Once her five brothers learned that I’m their sister’srealboyfriend, I thought they’d all have something to say to me.
Cobalts aren’t known to holster their opinions.
Instead, I got tumbleweeds.
Somehow that was worse.
My worry for Jane escalates, and the bar grows noisy as more people walk inside. Banks tries to flag down the busy bartender, and then he turns to me and asks, “What if your bad feeling about Jane is actually about Tony?”
Tony.His name rakes hot coals against my eardrums. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe Jane isn’t telling you how much of a douchebag he is during the day, which is why she hasn’t called you back. She’s trying not to cause conflict between you and him on the team.” He turns more to me. “She’s protecting your job.”
My deltoids pull taut, shoulders constricted. Jane isn’t really a peacemaker and terminator ofconflict.She’s the co-pilot, the second-in-command, and she unites side by side with whoever the hell needs another pistol in the fight.
