Page 88 of The Last Hope
There are no trees.
No snow.
Surely no ice or animals.
And the one person who can make up for the frozen homeland I’m craving is standing at a grave distance from me.
“This can’t keep happening,” Court says, voice tensed. Nearly choked, his nose flares and gaze burns. “Not in front of the crew.” He meansthe humansandStork.Who could know about linking and put all the pieces together if we can’t hide these strange synchronicities.
I storm back and forth, back and forth, thinking about how providing for the ones I love makes my life worthwhile. And there aren’t many I love in this big ugly universe.
I growl out the rock in my lungs and scuff the base of a blue flower bush. No dirt surfacing. “We’ve already been trying to be careful around one another,” I say aloud. “And poorly at that.” I often forget that I can’t put an arm around him.
I forget that we can’t hold gazes like love endures inside and between us.
I forget a lot of damned things.
“I’m as much at fault,” Court murmurs in a tight breath, eyes bloodshot. “You used to hold me even before we coupled, and I like feeling you.”
The corner of my mouth pulls upward. I knew he did, but hearing the words is nice. “I think you more thanlikeit, you little crook,” I tease, but my smile leaves as miserable realities shadow his beautiful features.
Court aches to come forward, his legs nearly jerking beneath him. But he forces himself backward one foot, and then two. “Mykal,” he starts, but hanging moss suddenly brushes his cheek.
I swat my face, the bad reflex freezing us both.
It’s what can’t be happening anymore. Gods bless, it’s what I keep doing wrong. If the crew were around, we could be in deeper trouble.
Roughly, I wipe my running nose with the back of my hand, and recognizing what needs to be done, I stop pacing.
I stare at the boy I’ve loved more than my homeland, morethan wind and the wild. More than the winter wood. His dark-brown hair whisks over his lashes, with intense grim grays and a vigilant stance like he’s facing loaded guns at every second. Court is braver than he realizes and stronger than he knows.
“One of us needs to be strong enough and make it official,” I tell him. “We have to feel that we’re done with one another. That way we won’t be slipping up. And we’ll be forced to be careful. Everyone onboardknowswe’re coupling because of my loud mouth, and we should’ve kept that a secret like you wanted. We gotta go backward, Court.”
His face twists. “I didn’t want to be right about that.” Tears well, and agony claws at my flesh, fists my throat. Emotion belonging first to him or me, I dunno. Regardless of our link, I think we’d be feeling the same pain.
I rest my coarse hands on my head. Breathing hard as I keep feet rooted here. When all I’d like to be doing is bridging the gap and pulling Court into my chest.
“I won’t be sinking you in a damnedgravebecause I love you too much,” I promise him, hot tears slipping down our cheeks.
He pinches his eyes. “Is this official then?”
“Yeh.” I’m bare-chested, but our hurt stifles me like I’m wearing musk ox furs in the blazing sun. “We’re pulling apart, you and I.” I say the words that couples use when they end their coupling.
Court nods slowly, in agreement here, but we’re both letting this sink like a pit in our stomachs. He’d shove his hands into pockets, but his tunic has none.
I grind my teeth for something to chew. “When we know we’re safe,” I say, “then I’ll be putting my arms around you again.”
He doubts. “What if we’re never safe?”
“We will be,” I say surely, my chest pumping with hope and optimism that he better embrace, even for a short bit.
He shuts his eyes tightly, one last tear sliding out, and then he wipes his face dry. Resolve pushes his carriage higher, standing straighter, and I crouch down by the pond. Gathering smooth pebbles.
Court seems to just be staring up at the ceiling. Thinking hard and long, and while we stay quiet, trying our hand at uncoupling, the door whooshes open.
I sense Franny.
I’ve been sensing her faintly for some time. All spirited scowls and raging heart. As she treks into the starcraft’s garden, she breaks our silence.
