Page 174 of Lovers Like Us
“No.This is why I didn’t tell you back then. You can’t fix it, Moffy. Because I don’t want my siblings to lose you, and I don’t want to be you. There’s nothing you can do, and look at your face. I know ithurts…”
My chest constricts like I’m stuck beneath salt water and I can’t find the surface. My eyes try to well, and I tilt my head back against the chair. Bottling my emotion, face stoic. “Do you?” I ask since he’s always lacked a certain amount of empathy for otherpeople.
“I can see that it hurts you,” he tells me. “You know, I used to believe that we were just meant to be opposites. That for all the compassion you had, I lacked. For all the responsibilityMaximoff Haleacquired, I was left with none. And in everyone’s eyes, you were the hero, and I’d become the villain.” A tear rolls slowly down his cheek, dripping off hisjaw.
It almost crushes my chest. “You’re not the villain to anyone,” I tell him strongly. “If anything, you’re the anti-hero. And people usually love thosemore.”
Charlie rubs another fallen tear. “I don’t need anyone to love me. I can deal withhate.”
I nod, justlistening.
“But when everyone fawns over you and acts like you’re indestructible, it’s grating,” Charlie says. “I can’t bite my tongue, and my gut reaction is to go for yourjugular.”
“I’m not any better,” Iadmit.
Charlie shrugs, and silence hangs but not as heavily as itcould.
I want to stand. I want to do something more for him, but he keeps looking at me like,this is it.This is the end with no solution that I’ve asked tomeet.
I drop my head, thinking. And thinking. “So are you saying I’ll always make you feel like shit?” It kills me knowing that I’ve hurt him for so manyyears.
And that I’ll just continue being a negative impact on hislife.
“I can’t see the future,” Charlie says. “I’m not six-feet-three inches full of resentment anymore. I’m not sixteen. But it’s still tough being around you. Where everyone praises you. Where I’m stuck in a shadowed place and I’m neither lost nor found. Doing my own thing makes mefeel…”
“Free,” Ifinish.
He nods. “Like my identity is mine. Not an extension of you or mydad.”
I understand the shackles of our parent’s past, but I had no idea I’d been shackling Charlie. “I’m so fuckingsorry.”
“I knew you’d care, but I also knew it wouldn’t changeanything.”
“Right,” I mutter. I’m just supposed to…deal. I’m not sure the hurt will disappear that easily, but the truth is better than the unknown. I can finally see the kind of terrain I’m standing on. In case you were wondering, the ground is littered withrocks.
I just wish they were the kind we could shave down or movetogether.
“I think about something a lot,” I tell him. “How our dads are best friends. Our moms are sisters. In some cosmic way, I think you and I were fated to be rivals or friends.” I lick my dry lips. “I guessfriendsisn’t in the fucking cards for us, huh?” And I have to acceptthis.
“Non, il te suffit de m’attendre,” Charlie says in a perfect French lilt.No, you just need to wait forme.
“De quelle manière?” I breathe.In whatway?
“To be strong enough to be near you and not hate everything about you andme.”
I’m fucking terrible at waiting around. Doing nothing. He knows this. You know this. But for Charlie, I’d try. If he needs me to be patient, I’ll do that a million timesover.
I nod strongly. “Okay.”
We seem to breathe at the same time, and I try to relax and adjust the airconditioner.
Charlie reaches forward and steals my philosophy book. He slings his legs sideways across the seat and flips through the pages. When our gazes briefly meet, he says, “Merci pour le matériel de lecture.”Thanks for the readingmaterial.
41
FARROW KEENE
After Maximoff leftthe two-hour board meeting, he told me, “I’ll explain at Lucky’sDiner.”
