Page 14 of Royal Deception
I clench my jaw, trying to push the thought aside. I’m not about to apologize to her. Apologizing shows weakness. But the guilt lingers in the back of my mind.
I lean back in my chair, staring at the empty seat across from me. The silence is deafening. I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve been pushing Clary too far.
But why?
Why do I always want to push her until she breaks?
6
CLARY
Despite everything that’s been happening lately, I have an incurable sense of optimism that today will be a good day.
Ana and I are at Crestview Park, the air cool as we walk the winding trail. The sun peeks through the gaps in the trees, casting dappled shadows across our path. The two of us maintain a steady but unhurried pace, enjoying the early morning silence.
Crestview is the biggest park in the city, situated smack-dab in the middle of downtown. Though it’s surrounded on all sides by city streets, inside, the noise barely penetrates, creating a quiet oasis amid the bustling metropolis.
Pulling my jacket tighter around myself, I rub my arms absentmindedly. “Thanks for coming with me,” I murmur.
“I’m glad to find an activity that isn’t twisting myself up into a pretzel,” Ana jokes. “It’s nice here.”
We continue to walk in silence for a few more minutes before I find my voice, the lingering hurt from the day before spilling out.
“I don’t understand my boss,” I mutter, my voice tight. “I’ve been with him for three years now, and I still feel like he doesn’t take me seriously. I ask him for more responsibility and he brushes me off. I step back on taking care of things outside of my job description and I get yelled at.”
Ana glances over at me, her eyes full of understanding. “That sucks,” she comments, reaching up to adjust her ponytail. “My dad does the same thing to me. No matter how much I try to prove myself, he still treats me like I’m just a fancy ornament in his office.”
Warmth spreads through my chest, grateful to find out that someone else understands my dilemma. “That sucks too,” I say. Ana’s relationship with her dad sounds complicated. I’m glad my father was always supportive when he was alive. “Have you tried telling him how it makes you feel?”
Ana smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. In her eyes, I see a hint of sadness and frustration. “I can’t talk to him like that,” she laments. “He wouldn’t listen.”
“I get it. It feels like I’m stuck in this loop where no matter what I do, it’s never enough for him,” I say, frustration making my voice rise a little. “I feel like I’m drowning, Ana. No matter how hard I try, it’s never enough. I swear, if I could just get one thing right, maybe he’d finally see me. But nothing works.”
Ana nods in empathy, her eyes thoughtful. “It’s exhausting, always feeling like you’re not enough, huh?”
I sigh. “It really is. Like you could be in the middle of the room, screaming, and they’d just ignore you.”
Ana’s gaze meets mine. “Or worse. They’d yell at you for causing a scene.”
“That’s exactly it,” I say, frustration tinging the edges of my voice. “You do everything you can to make them see you, but nothing works. Sometimes I just want to…” I pause, searching for the words. “I just want to kick him!”
I shake my head, forcing those thoughts aside. “Sorry,” I murmur, glancing over at Ana. “I didn’t mean to make this all about me.”
Ana smiles softly, her gaze meeting mine. “Don’t apologize,” she says, voice gentle. “I get it. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone listen.”
Ana falls quiet for a few minutes but when she speaks again, her voice is quieter, almost hesitant.
“I’ve been having some issues too,” she admits. “With my boyfriend. Things haven’t been great lately.”
I slow my pace to match hers, realizing I’d been walking faster, lost in my thoughts. “What kind of issues?” I ask. “Is everything okay? He’s not hurting you, is he?”
Ana chuckles. “Nothing like that. He’s a good guy, but he’s just… kind of shitty at listening. I don’t think he takes me seriously, and it’s starting to wear on me. I’ve tried talking to him about it but it’s like… he doesn’t really ‘get’ it.”
My heart aches for her. Ana is always so kind and willing to lend a listening ear. It must hurt having a partner who isn’t willing to reciprocate.
“Has he always been like that?” I ask, trying not to sound too intrusive but not able to hide the concern in my voice.
Ana hesitates, then nods. “Yeah, but it’s been worse lately. It’s like he gets distracted, or it’s just not a priority for him. He’s not doing it on purpose, but I don’t think he even notices. I’ve tried to tell him, but then nothing changes. I can’t keep doing this.”
