Page 35 of The Good Girl Effect
Just once, I decide to write something without letting my mind stop me. I write her a response thatfeelsright. The words fly across the page, and by the time I finish, I know that I should not, under any circumstance, give her this letter.
For nearly an hour, I contemplate what I’ve just written. The sun starts to crest the city through the windows when I mumble, “Fuck it.”
Folding up the pages the same way she did, I scribble her name on the front. In a pair of dark joggers, I quietly tiptoe down the stairs, rushing to deliver the letter before she wakes.
With one last moment of hesitation, I slide the letter under her door.
There is no turning back now. My regret and I make our way back upstairs and into my bed.
I am not a man of impulse. I don’t make decisions lightly. But this woman seems to have scrambled the wires in my brain. I find myself almost obsessed with her in a way that can’t be healthy.
And when she reads that letter today, she will know.
Rule #10: Be a man of your word.
Camille
Idon’t sleep well all night. The image of that letter on his nightstand haunts my dreams. Even my subconscious imagines him opening it, fuming with anger that I had the audacity to speak my mind to him.
When my alarm goes off at half past six, I climb reluctantly from under the covers to face the day. Ambling tiredly to the door, something crinkles under my feet as I reach for the door handle.
I glance down and stare at a folded piece of paper on the floor.
Realizing that it’s a letter is like a shot of espresso to my heart. My name is written on the front in his handwriting. In a rush, I pick it up and stare at it.
Oh my God, he wrote me back.
He wrote me back.
I have to take a moment before reading his response. Bracing myself for disappointment, I consider that what is inside is probably his very formal request to never speak of this again.
Biting my lip, I cautiously peel it open. Then my eyes ravenously read his response.
Camille
When I said you don’t belong here, I meant that you are far too sweet and innocent to know what you are asking me to do.
And I stand by this assumption.
If you think any of this could be accomplished without sex, then you have no idea what it is I would do in these demonstrations. You have no idea who I am or what I like.
If you are so certain that I am the man to teach you, then I think you should know what you’re asking. So if you are so curious, then I will tell you now.
First of all, you would be naked for me, stripped of every ounce of clothes on your body. Your hair would be braided down your back so it does not get in the way. You would start on your knees for me, blindfolded, and you will not speak unless I tell you to.
I would bind your arms and legs in a harness so that you could not move them.
You would be completely and utterly bound for me. Every one of your senses would be heightened.
Do you understand? You would be at my mercy, Ms. Aubert. I would own you.
If you think that would not involve sex, then you don’t know what you are getting yourself into.
I’ll be clear so that you understand.
When I have you tied up, I will want to fuck you.
And when you are tied up for me, you will want me to.
