Page 92 of My Dark Obsession
Had they felt every hit? Every kick? Did they cry out in pain? In fear? Did their little hearts pound in absolute panic? Did they know they were dying? Had they called my name and begged me to save them? Did their shitty little life play like a film before their heart stopped being? Were they greeted by warmth and love on the other side or were they just gone?
Were they nothing but an empty cold vessel? Is that why I felt a large empty pit opening up? Because they were gone and not there to fill it.
People said it got easier over time. Grief. That it was always hard to start with. But how true was that, when everything I did would remind me of them? Of how they once smiled flashing little dimples my way. Knowing thatthey had such an awful ending to their lives is never going to make that easier. It was going to stick to me like black poisonous tar. It would spread and curdle and fester. I could already feel its poison sticking to my bones.
The urge to follow them was strong.
How was I supposed to carry on? When I had fought for so long to get back? I fought to protect them with everything I had. Had only ever kept strong for them. Everything I ever had or was, was for them. I was nothing without them.
I failed them.
It was my fault.
I failed them.
It should have been me not them.
They were mine and I had left them there, alone and cold and empty.
I truly was a monster. Cole had been right; the entire time, he had been right. I was poisonous. Something that needed to be put down like a rabid dog. My venomous spirit had leaked my pores and sunk themselves into everyone's lives and caused absolute chaos.
I wouldn’t leave them alone anymore. I would never leave them again.
A crack echoed around the room as the screeching finally stopped. I was on my knees again, looking down at the stained sheet. I slowly lifted it away from his face.
My boys were identical, but I always knew which was which. And this little soulless empty body was my little Elfyn. Smoothing back his curls, I rested my forehead against his cold one.I don’t know how long I stayed there, minutes, hours-who knows? I still didn’t move.
There was only one body here. But I knew, I knew Elyas was gone also. The swirling pit in my stomach that was usually filled with the deep obsession for them was empty.
My boys were gone.
Dead.
And without them, I was weak.
Worthless.
Pathetic.
Undeserving of the power within me.
I had waited so long to leave. So long to take my last breath and just be done with this god-forsaken fucking life.
I froze as the creaking of the floorboards above my head caused dust to fall onto Elfyn’s body.
He was there: Lyal.
That disgusting, vile fucking scumbag.
He needed to be punished. He needed to feel the pain he put us through for so many years.
Hedeservedpain.
“I’ll be back. I’ll find your brother. And then I’ll join you. We’ll be together again,” I whispered.
Pushing to my feet, my muscles screaming out after being sat in the same position for hours, I waited for the power to buzz through my veins. When nothing happened, I slowly walked to the rusty green pipe and yanked it from the wall.
I made my way up the stairs.
