Page 31 of The Viscount's Forgery
Once the mystery of the paintings is solved, I will not have the same nearness to her, the same closeness.He swallowed hard, fully aware of what it was that he desired.I want this connection to continue, to grow stronger with every passing day.Pressing his lips together, Nicholas blew out a breath and passed one hand over his eyes, trying to make sense of his feelings .What was it he truly desired when it came to Miss Sherwood? What was it he wanted from her?
“You are trying not to stare after Miss Sherwood, I see.”
Nicholas turned his head sharply, just as Lord Bothwell grinned and set one hand on his shoulder.
“You need not pretend, for I can see it in your face,” Lord Bothwell continued, before Nicholas could speak. “May it be that we will both find happiness this Season?”
With a long breath, Nicholas shook his head. “I do not know.”
“Why ever not?”
“Because I am confused and uncertain about what it is I desire,” Nicholas stated, honestly. “I do not want our connection to end, I want it to grow ever stronger but surely that does not mean… ”
“That you have fallen in love with her?” Lord Bothwell asked, filling the brief silence that had come between them. “Just as I have done with Polly?”
Nicholas, who had not permitted himself to ever think that such a deep emotion would be within his heart, closed his eyes and let himself think on it, trying not to pull away from the idea.
“I have seen both the dark and the light when it comes to Polly,” Lord Bothwell told him. “I realize now that there is just as much love for her in my heart as there has ever been. It was only my own confusion and uncertainty that hid it from me. It has taken me a long time to see that I only wanted to notice the positive within her, that I was blind to her faults, and in a strange way, I am grateful for the distance I put between us.”
Understanding this, Nicholas nodded. “Because now, you understand her better.”
“Indeed I do. And I can see just how wonderful she is,” his friend explained. “We all have faults, do we not? It is to be loved in spite of them that brings such happiness.” He winced. “I have not treated her well these last few months. I have thought only of myself and not of her, but she has forgiven me for that, has shown understanding and maturity through it all. For that, I want to marry her.”
Nicholas put out one hand and set it on his friend’s shoulder. “Then I wish you happy.”
“And might I wish you happy also, very soon?” Lord Bothwell asked, with a gentle lift of his eyebrow. “Will you let yourself pursue happiness with her, Suffolk? Even if she is a bluestocking?”
Nicholas’ mouth dropped open, but Lord Bothwell only snorted with laughter.
“You did not think I would remain unaware of it, did you?” he asked, as Nicholas looked down at the ground, rubbing theback of his neck. “Polly has told me everything, including about Eugenia’s habit of reading all she can get her hands on.”
“And you do not mind?”
Lord Bothwell shrugged. “I do not care. I am not marrying Eugenia, I am marrying Polly and so long as she is happy and contented, then so shall I be. I do not think it is an issue if Eugenia is a bluestocking. I do not think it taints the family name or brings some sort of embarrassment to them all. I understand that their parents both wish to hide that from thetonbut I do not think it necessary.”
“I am surprised to hear you say those things, but I am also glad of it.”
His friend looked surprised. “You thought that I would be disinclined towards Polly because her sister is a bluestocking?”
A little embarrassed, Nicholas nodded. “The truth is, I could not be sure of what you would do. I thought there was a chance that you might reject a connection with the family because of it.”
Lord Bothwell grinned, his eyes alight. “My friend, once you are in love, nothing else matters. Indeed, her sister could be stained by all manner of things, disgraced and rejected by theton,and I would still not turn from Polly.”
Nicholas listened carefully, aware that though he did not have the same strength of feeling, the beginnings of it were there.
“It is not her family that matters. It is not even her reputation that matters, nor her standing, what society might think of her or any other such thing.”
“Then what does matter?
The broad grin on Lord Bothwell’s face softened. “All that matters is how I feel about her and how she feels about me. That, I know, will bring us through everything this life might hold for us. It is worth more than anything else, valued so highly that even my fortune would not be enough to purchase it. Indeed,even if I were to lose all that I had, even if my reputation were to be quite ruined by some lie, it would not matter. Not if I had her love.”
A slow, insistent ache in Nicholas’ heart began to grow ever stronger as he listened to his friend speak. That was what he wanted, he decided. It wasallthat he desired, wanting to cling to it, wanting to push himself forward into these new emotions, new sensations that were climbing over him. He wanted what Lord Bothwell had, what he had described with such fervor and passion – and that, Nicholas knew, would only come if he admitted aloud to himself what it was he felt.
He took a breath.
“Then I think,” he said, as Lord Bothwell watched him carefully, “that I must be falling in love with Miss Sherwood.”
Lord Bothwell chuckled, slapping Nicholas hard on the shoulder. “Yes, my friend. Yes, I think you very much are.” He tilted his head, his eyebrows raised. “The only question now is what you will do about it.”
