Page 24 of The Missing Book
“No.” Much to his surprise, his sister sat down in a chair, her eyes holding his with a steady gaze, no frustration or upset there. Instead, there appeared to be a calmness in her expression which he had not expected to see. “Why do you not explain it to me?”
A little confused, Leopold frowned. “Anna, you have just now returned that very same explanation to me.”
“To state that society does not approve of it is not a good enough reason,” Anna told him, directly. “Why doyouthink bluestockings are not at all proper?”
Sitting up in his chair, Leopold opened his mouth to reply, only to frown. His mouth snapped shut as he rubbed one hand over his forehead. Whydidhe think poorly of bluestockings?
“You do not think that ladies ought to have an excellent education also, mayhap?” Anna asked, speaking slowly though there was a gleam in her eye. “You would prefer it if I remained uneducated and, in fact, a little stupid?”
“No, no, of course not.” Leopold waved a hand vaguely. “Young ladies always have a good education, do they not? You had your finishing school also and that, I think, is more than suitable.”
Anna shifted in her seat, pushing herself to the edge of it. “What if I wanted to learn more about the continent? About the world we live in? What if I wished to educate myself on financial matters, so I would have a clear head when it comes to such things? Would you criticize me for those desires? Would you refuse to permit me to do as I wished?”
The weight of Leopold’s frown grew ever heavier. “I would not… that is to say, that is not something I have considered.”
“Because I have never expressed an interest in such things before, I know,” Anna said, quickly. “But if I had, or if I did, then would you truly push me away from those things? Would you be disgraced if I knew as much as you did about a certain thing, whatever it might be?”
“Disgraced? No, not in the least!” Leopold exclaimed, quickly. “If you wished to learn about something that would be valuable to you, then of course, I would not refuse to permit you.”
Light bloomed in his sister’s expression. “But you would criticize Lady Amelia, Lady Isobella, and the others for that very thing?”
Leopold took a breath, feeling as though somehow, he had been pushed into a corner. He did not know what to say; he was not sure how to answer and that frustrated him. Now that the question was put to him, he could not seem to think of a clear explanation! It evaded him completely. Why was it that he thought so poorly of bluestockings? Yes, he did not think them proper but that was only because society disapproved of them. Yes, society thought that young ladies ought only to be educated to a certain level but did he, in his heart, believe the same? If Anna came to him and asked to study a certain thing, then would he refuse? Would he tell her that she ought not to do so? Refuse to supply her with books and the like? Or would he be pleased that she wished to further herself?
He suspected that were the situation before him, he would choose the latter.
“You cannot tell me, I think.”
“Anna, pray do not gloat.” He scowled at her. “It is most unbecoming.” The words were sharp, he knew but he did not take them back nor apologize for them. Anna ought not to be pushing him so, ought not to be pursuing him with these questions, he considered. It was not right for her to do so.
“You are only saying that to me in that manner because you cannot answer and you do not like that,” she replied, in a very soft voice indeed, the words pushing hard at his heart and making his conscience burn hot within him. “You cannot think as to why you do not like bluestockings, aside from the fact that society says you must disapprove. Is that any real answer, brother? Surely it would be right for you to form yourownopinions on such things.” One eyebrow lifted but Leopold looked away, finding her words needling at him.
“Oh, Leopold.” She sighed quietly, using his Christian name for the first time in a long time. “You are fastidious and though that can often be considered a good quality in terms of making certain you are all that society requires, it does also have its difficulties, does it not?”
“I do not know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do.” Rising from her chair, she made her way to the door, calmer and quieter than Leopold had ever seen her before. “You have no real reason for some of your opinions, do you?” One hand on the door handle, she looked back at him. “To be led by society is unwise, brother. It is your ever-present threat, the aggressor that is continually biting at you as you seek to do what is right in their eyes. It is a weight upon your shoulders, a burden that you bear willingly but unnecessarily, do you not think?” With a small smile, sadness lighting her eyes, she shook her head. “Ishallhave Lady Amelia to join me tomorrow, though you do not have to be present. I want to speak to her, want to be of aid to her in any way I can and I will not permit your prejudice to come between my friendship with her. I think her quite wonderful and I am astonished you cannot see anything good about her.”
With that, she walked out of the room and shut the door behind her, though there had been no anger in her voice and certainly no slamming of the door as he might have otherwise expected. It was all quite surprising, Leopold reflected, on just how calm his sister had been. What was even more astonishing was that she had been able to speak to him in that same way, with understanding and even a hint of compassion, though of course, he did not agree with her in the slightest.
“It is all nonsense,” he said aloud, as though she were still in the room. “Society is not an aggressor! That cannot be the case.” Sitting back in his chair, Leopold let out a slow breath and closed his eyes, trying not to permit Anna’s words to come to him again.Instead, he tried to dash them away, to let them disappear from him… but they clung to him still. The weight she had spoken of seemed to come onto his shoulders again, pushing him down as he sank into his chair a little deeper. And then, a vision of Lady Amelia smiling at him shot directly into his mind, just as Anna’s final few words echoed in his ears.
I think her quite wonderful and I am astonished you cannot see anything good about her.
“Except that I do,” he muttered aloud, a sudden pain striking him. “I do see her, for there is something that pulls me towards her even though I do not wish it!” It was the first time he had said any such thing aloud and even now, he waited for the shame of it all to come upon him.
It did not come. Instead, there came a sense of satisfaction, a warm contentment that settled into his heart and spread right across his chest. It was very strange indeed, for he certainly had no thought of pursuing this strange interest in the lady but, all the same, it lingered there as though rejoicing that he had finally admitted it aloud.
And she is coming to call tomorrow,he thought to himself, his heart lurching.I cannot tell whether it would be best to join them or to stay away.
That thought was soon replaced by another and then another. If he did not attend, then he would be in torment, walking up and down his study as he waited for the visit to come to an end, continually wondering what they would be speaking of and, mayhap, what Lady Amelia herself was saying. But if he joined them, then would not this eagerness for more of her company only grow? Would it not pursue him all the more, settling into his heart and capturing it completely? With a groan, Leopold ran one hand over his eyes, deliberating still. He did not want to be in company with Lady Amelia, he told himself but at the very same time, it was theonlything he desired.
“Good afternoon, Lady Amelia.”Leopold, having already greeted Lady Gwendoline who had entered the room only a few minutes beforehand, smiled as warmly as he could while, inwardly, his heart began to beat at a furious pace, warning him that all he had feared was about to come true. “Do come in and be seated.”
“Lord Broughton.” Lady Amelia dipped into a curtsy though her eyebrow lifted just a fraction. “I confess to being a little surprised to see you here this afternoon. I thought you would not be eager for my company and would take yourself to the opposite end of the house!”
Leopold’s smile froze to his face. “I – I want to hear all that is to be said,” he stated, without really thinking about what he was saying. “That is all.”
Lady Amelia sat down but kept her gaze fixed on his. “You will disagree with all that I am doingandall that I will ask,” she warned. “I do hope that you can keep such disagreements to yourself, Lord Broughton. I should not like to be interrupted over and over again.” There was no darkness in her words but, much to his surprise, a lightness, a mischievousness that made Leopold feel somewhat self-conscious. Was she teasing him?
