Page 27 of The Missing Book
Trying to dismiss this quickly, Amelia threw her hands up. “That distraction could easily be because of his disinclination towards me!”
Lady Isobella’s smile was a little teasing. “Or it could be something else entirely. What if he is feeling as you are? What then?”
Amelia swallowed tightly, feeling her breathing quickening. She did not want to eventhinkabout what that might mean, not now. Not when she had so many other things to consider. “How is it that you know of such a thing as affection and the like?”
Lady Isobella’s brows furrowed, something flashed into her eyes and her lips pulled towards, her hands clasping tightly in her lap. “I am a little older than you all, only by eighteen months, if you recall.”
“I do not often think of that.”
Her friend smiled at her briefly. “I made my debut a year later than most. There was a chance of something, you see. Something truly beautiful, something I thought was to be the most extraordinarily wonderful thing.”
Amelia’s heart squeezed with sympathy, seeing what was coming before her friend even spoke of it. “It came to naught.”
“It did.” Lady Isobella’s voice dropped to a whisper, her eyes closing. “In truth, I do not know if I dare even hope that such a thing might ever happen again but for you, I must tell you thatit is worth pursuing, even if it does not bring itself to a happy conclusion.”
This made Amelia frown. “Even if it causes confusion and doubt and upset?”
“Even then,” her friend said, gently. “For so many of us do not ever get to feel what I have felt. What you now feel even if it is only the beginning of it all! That in itself is a privilege and one that, even now as I look back with sorrow and pain, I cannot help but be grateful for.”
This was something that Amelia did not fully understand though as she looked into her friend’s face, she felt her heart begin to cling to what had been shared. What she felt was troubling, yes, but mayhap Lady Isobella was right. Mayhap it was so extraordinary and unusual, she should understand and accept it for what it was. Though whether she wanted it to grow into something greater, she certainly could not say.
“If you ever wish to talk more on the subject, you know I would be glad to listen,” she said gently, as her friend’s smile wobbled. “I do not think I have ever heard you speak of such a thing before.”
“That is because I have not,” Lady Isobella answered, with a small sniff. “Thank you, Amelia. You are very kind and if I ever feel the need to unburden myself, I shall do so. I promise you that.”
Walking through Hyde Park,Amelia could not help but consider all that Lady Isobella had told her. There was a sweetness in recognizing all that she felt but at the same time, there came both a confusion and a disinclination towards accepting it. She did not even like Lord Broughton, she thoughtto herself, smiling ruefully as Lady Isobella walked along beside her, albeit in a comfortable silence as though she knew Amelia needed to have time to think. Yes, there was something about him that drew her to him but it certainly was not his character, surely?!
“If I only think him handsome, then that would make me very shallow indeed,” she murmured aloud, only for Lady Isobella to shoot her a sidelong glance.
“I think you admire his spirit,” she said, making Amelia’s eyebrows lift. “You like that he is steady and steadfast in his opinions and his decisions, even if you don’t like them or agree with them which, of course, I do not either. Indeed, I think that you enjoy challenging him, do you not? There is something about that which invigorates you.”
“That may well be true,” Amelia admitted, a little embarrassed. “But I know very little of his character, aside from the fact that he is overly protective of his sister and does seem to love to challenge me.”
“But you must appreciate that he is so concerned for Lady Anna, even if you do not agree with his point of view.”
Considering this, Amelia had to nod. “I suppose that is true. I think well of a gentleman who wants the best for those in his care and he certainly does want that for Lady Anna.”
“And you can always improve your connection to him,” Lady Isobella suggested, with a small smile. “You can speak with him and get to know him better, I am sure. There will be things that you agree on, even if they are few in number!”
“Number.” Amelia stopped short, making Lady Isobella look back at her in surprise. “Number… that is… ” Her chest tightened and she gasped, her eyes rounding.
“What is it?” Lady Isobella asked as Amelia closed her eyes, a cold chill beginning to sweep over her. “Is there something wrong?”
“The number of books that Mr. Lackington told us Lord Melford returned,” Amelia said, hoarsely, “do you recall how many there were?”
Lady Isobella blinked. “He said he had been returned three.”
“But Lord Melford told me he picked up four.” Amelia looked straight into Lady Isobella’s eyes, her heart beginning to pound. “So what happened to the fourth book? And how could it have gone missing in the space between Lord Melford picking it up and returning it to Mr. Lackington?”
Pressing her lips together, Lady Isobella shook her head. “I do not know. But one thing I do. Youmusttell the others.”
Amelia nodded, the chill in her bones lingering still. What did this mean for her friendship with Lady Anna and her thoughts of Lord Broughton? Was it all going to come to an end before it had even begun?
12
One week later.
Walking through London’s St James’Park, Leopold clasped his hands behind his back and kept his head lowered just a little. He had no interest in hearing what thetonwere whispering about as he walked past each cluster of gentlemen and ladies, much too distracted with his own thoughts. It had been something of a difficult week, for though Anna and even Melford had said very little, Leopold had noticed their private conversations that did not include him. When he had spoken to Anna of it, she had told him that she preferred to speak to Melford since he would be less inclined towards judgmental responses or critical words. That had pained him, wishing that he could find a way to have her understand that his reason for doing so was because he cared for her and wanted the very best for her. But it had also led him to yet more self-reflection, making him wonder if it was all worth it. Was his determination to always do everything that society demanded and asked of him worth it if it pushed his sister away from him? If it pushed others away from him?
