Page 40 of The Truth about the Rogue
Evidently, her thoughts must have shown in her expression for Lillian’s face fell and the paper was quickly settled in her lap.
“I have already read it,” Charlotte said quickly. “That is to say, Lord Kentmore read it to me earlier this afternoon.”
Lillian nodded and looked away. “I know that you are displeased with me still,” she said, her voice a little quiet. “Looking back, I mayhap ought not to have done as I did, but I think that it has turned out rather well, has it not?”
Charlotte stiffened.
“If you mean to say that Lord Glenfield has taken an interest in you, then yes, I suppose that it has.”
Her sister tilted her head, saying nothing as she looked into Charlotte’s eyes for a long moment.
“That has been a pleasant consequence, I will admit, though you must understand that there is also concern in my heart for you.”
Closing her eyes, Charlotte shook her head.
“You have not asked me about my feelings ever since the news of my courtship ran around society.”
“Because I was sure that you would soon realize just how wonderful this is to be for you!”
“Wonderful?”
Charlotte’s voice cracked.
Lillian nodded, her eyes wide with enthusiasm.
“Yes, of course! You are to be a Marchioness! Your standing in society will be great and–”
“And I would give it all up for a gentleman who truly cared for me, Lillian!” Charlotte threw up her hands, her frustration boiling furiously, a sharpness there that had not been present before. “Despite my standing, even though I will be a Marchioness and, no doubt, have a good deal more coin than I have ever had before, I would give it all up to marry a gentleman who truly had an affection for me.” She saw Lillian’s eyes widen, saw the way that she opened her mouth, but Charlotte continued on regardless, her chest tight, her hands curling into fists. “TheMarquess of Kentmore is a rogue. He states that though he will give that up for the time being, it will not be forever. What hope have I of a happy future? What hope have I of any sort of affection or true kindness or consideration between us? And what is worse, what if I, in my foolishness, find myself drawn to the very gentleman who could not care anything for me? Have you considered such things, Lillian? Or is money and standing all that matters to you?” She shook her head, seeing Lillian’s face slowly beginning to drain of color. “I have never dreamed of love. I have never once imagined a marriage filled with affection and happiness, not until the possibility of that was taken from me. Now, the one thing I never thought to hope for is theonlything I long for, knowing I shall never gain it.”
Lillian let out a small squeak, one hand reaching forward, one finger pointing – and Charlotte turned.
Lord Kentmore was standing only a few steps behind her, his eyes wide, his expression one of utter shock, the color pulling from his face. Charlotte gasped, stepping back from him, horrified about how much he would have overheard.
And then, without warning, he turned on his heel and strode away, leaving Charlotte staring after him in dismay.
Chapter Fourteen
Imust go back.
Andrew hesitated as he made to climb up into his carriage. The conversation he had been about to have with Miss Hawick had been brought to a sudden end as Lady Morton had interrupted them both and Andrew had not had the opportunity to express to Miss Hawick his present considerations. She had asked him to give her the promise that he would remain entirely devoted to her for the rest of his days, that he would never again return to being a rogue, and though Andrew had not been able to give her what she desired, his intention had been to express to her the very great depths of confusion he found himself in at present. That, he had wanted to say, should give her the hope that he could alter himself entirely, and be just as she desired him to be.
Instead, he had been forced to keep those words back as Lady Morton had engaged him in conversation, and Andrew had seen the sadness lingering in Miss Hawick’s eyes. She had offered very little to the rest of the conversation and had said nothing to him about their previous remarks. Now that he was to take his leave, Andrew found himself deeply frustrated.
“I do not want that sadness to linger,” he muttered to himself, rubbing one hand over his eyes as his heart constricted, knowing just what she would think of him should he let the conversation be as it had been.
With a shake of his head, he turned away from the carriage.
“I will return in a few moments. I have forgotten something.”
The coachman nodded, and Andrew made his way back into the house, still not quite certain what it was that he was going to say, but with his desire to express his heart burning within him. Being directed to the gardens, Andrew followed the butler to the door and then stepped outside, leaving the butler behind him.
“And I would give it all up for a gentleman who truly cared for me, Lillian!”
Miss Hawick threw up her hands, her voice tremulous, and Andrew’s stomach clenched, his feet frozen in position. He could see Miss Hawick, and had been about to call out a greeting, but now, the sound of her voice and the words that she spoke tied him to his position, silencing his lips. Even if he tried to leave, even if he desired to turn about and leave this house, he did not think that his limbs would move, such was the heaviness settling within him. So he simply stood there as Miss Hawick went on, her words delivered with a passionate unhappiness.
“Despite my standing, despite the fact that I will be a Marchioness and, no doubt, have a good deal more coin than I have ever had before, I would give it all up to marry a gentleman who truly had an affection for me.”
Miss Hawick sniffed, though her words continued to rattle toward Andrew at a frantic pace. He knew that he ought to leave, ought to step away, given that she had no knowledge that he was here. But his heart demanded that he remain, insisted that he listen to every word, given that they were spoken with honesty – an honesty that he would never hear from her otherwise.
