Page 31 of The Truth about the Rogue
“Forgive me. I needed some time to consider a good many things.”
“I see.” She shook her head. “And evidently, it was too much for you to consider even writing me a short note to inform me of it? You can imagine that there have been some… whispers… as to where you might be, and why you might have removed yourself from society.”
Andrew closed his eyes briefly, realizing now that he had never once thought of what might happen during his time away from society.
“I did not imagine for a moment that anything would be said.”
“You mean to say that you did not think about the situation at all. You know as well as I that society likes to whisper aboutanything it can and, it was more than willing to speak of my courtship with a rogue – a rogue who, some said, went to Bath simply to escape me, realizing that he had made a mistake!”
Guilt wrapped around his heart and Andrew swallowed thickly.
“I am sorry for my lack of consideration. I needed some time to think about our circumstances, to really consider what it is that has happened between us and what must now occur. It has taken me some time to, first of all, accept it and, thereafter, to consider how I must behave.”
She looked at him.
“And what have you decided?”
Andrew drew himself up.
“Miss Hawick, I think it important to inform you that I have come to a decision as regards our future.”
Miss Hawick’s expression did not change, her fair curls blowing gently in the wind.
“I see. And what decision is that? Is it that you shall end the courtship regardless, and leave me without any reputation whatsoever?”
Her harsh reaction had him scowling, and he was about to fire some hard words back towards her, only to remind himself of just how troubled she must be at present. That was the reason for her response, the reason for her upset and he was not about to make it worse.
“I promise you, Miss Hawick, I will never do any such thing as that.” His hand found itself upon hers, just as it had done at the soiree, though he kept his fingers there for only a few moments, not wishing for her to react badly to his touch. “I am committed to this connection, you understand. I do not like how it has come about – as I am certain you do not either – but in considering it all, I have concluded that there is very little point in fighting it. Therefore, Miss Hawick, I should like to do allthat I can to know you better, not just because I might one day be forced to answer questions from theton,but also because I would like to know the lady who is to be my wife.” Seeing the way her eyes widened, Andrew offered her a small smile, praying that she would not reject him immediately, not when it had taken him such a long time to come to this point. It had been near a sennight now since the soiree and, given that he had remained in his townhouse for those days, thinking and considering, he wanted very much for Miss Hawick to see that he was genuine in his request.
Miss Hawick frowned.
“You think that you will be able to charm me, Lord Kentmore?”
“Charm you?”
She nodded, her tone icy.
“You are just as much a rogue as you ever were. I am sure that you will try anything to make me feel a little warmer towards you, will you not?” A hint of color came into her cheeks as she spoke, her chin lifting. “I am not about to be taken in.”
Again, anger struck hard at Andrew’s heart, but he fought it back, reminding himself of the pain and the sorrow which must be very present in her heart. It was a most unusual sensation, for he had never once done such a thing before and indeed, it was a battle but, as he looked into her face and saw the gentle glint of tears in her eyes, his heart ached with regret all over again.
“I can understand why you might think that I am not at all to be trusted,”he said, slowly. “But I have been considering these last few days and considering severely.” He swallowed tightly, then looked at her. “I do not want you to be sorrowful with every day that passes, Miss Hawick. If there is a way for us to move forward to a situation where we can, at least, tolerate each other, I should be glad to find it.”
Miss Hawick glanced at him, though Andrew caught the slight tremble about her lips.
“I do not know if such a thing can be. I fear that you will always be angry that I have taken away your freedom and I, mayhap, shall always be upset that such a thing occurred… and that I did not respond as I ought to have done.”
Andrew looked at her sharply.
“Whatever do you mean? You behaved perfectly well and–”
“I did not.” Miss Hawick’s eyes glinted as though she were holding back tears, though her voice remained steady. “I recognize that there is blame here, Lord Kentmore, not just with you but also with myself.”
Andrew shook his head, a little surprised at her words, but feeling them stab a sharp stake into his conscience.
“No, indeed, Miss Hawick. There is no guilt on your part. None whatsoever.”
“Yes, there is.” She turned, stopping sharply and pulling her hand from his arm. “Had I pulled back, had I exclaimed aloud, then my sister would never have seen anything, would never have insisted that we wed. Do you not understand, Lord Kentmore? Just because you have the burden of responsibility does not mean that a similar responsibility has not set itself upon my shoulders also! I should have made it perfectly clear to you that I wasnotwho you thought me to be and, mayhap then, I might have been spared all of this.Wemight have been spared this.”
