Page 46 of The Wallflower's Choice
He smiled.
“I understand. Though we can ignore all that is said now, I am sure.”
“Even what Lord Kingshill has been saying?”
Prudence watched Lord Childers as she spoke, waiting to see if there was a flicker of understanding in his eyes, something there that told her that he understood exactly what she was talking about.
There was nothing.
“I do not know if Lord Kingshill has said a word as yet,” Lord Childers told her, offering her his arm. “Shall we walk, Lady Prudence?” She took it and nodded, finding her mouth going dry as she fought to find the words to tell him all about what she had done. They would not come, however, her fears grew bigger and bigger with every step they took. “I should like to make it very clear that you do nothaveto tell me anything,” Lord Childers said, softly. “If it is troubling you so severely, then I will not require you to tell me anything.”
Prudence’s heart leaped.
“You do not want to know?”
“It is not that I have no interest, for to say otherwise would be a lie,” Lord Childers answered, still speaking in a very gentle manner, “but only to say that if it would bring you more distress and upset, then I would be contented for younotto tell me of it. I will not turn away from you whether I know of it or not.”
The kindness and the trust he showed her were so great that Prudence felt like weeping. She wanted to hold her secret tight to her chest, wanted to pretend that she had nothing to tell him and thus, keep her past and all that she had done solely to herself, but her conscience would not let her. Here was this gentleman, generous enough in his consideration of her to let her keep all she wished to herself, offering her such a great amount of trust that she had no other choice but to respond in kind.
“I believe that you will not step away from me, even if I tell you this,” she said, breathlessly, as Lord Childers nodded. “I do not want to have anything between us. I do not want to have any secrets and nor do I want to have you hear any rumors which have no real truth to them. Therefore, I will tell you the true reason behind my standing as a wallflower.”
“Thank you.”
Glancing around her for fear that there would be others who overheard her, Prudence took another breath – and then another, for her fears began to cling tightly to her heart, telling her not to say anything to him, demanding that she keep her secret.
She spoke anyway.
“I was determined to marry well,” she began, her voice shaking as she fought to even so much as glance at him. “I am the daughter of an Earl and, therefore, I thought that I should marry a rank above myself. I wanted to marry a Marquess or even a Duke.” Heat climbed up into her cheeks. “It may have been foolish and mayhap I ought to have simply considered my happiness rather than my standing, but that was where my determination lay.”
“I am sure that many a young lady would think the same thing,” Lord Childers said, shrugging lightly. “You cannot be the only young lady with such a desire.”
“Indeed, but they would not all have done as I did.” Closing her eyes for a moment, Prudence attempted to bolster her courage. “Lord Childers, I did something so unspeakably wrong, society should have turned its back on me completely. It is only by sheer good fortune that thetondid not know of it in its entirety, though some certainly did.”
Lord Childers reached out his free hand and settled it on hers for just a moment.
“Remember, you do not need to tell me.”
“But Iwantto,” Prudence murmured, her stomach twisting as she kept her gaze away from him still. “I do not want there to be any secrets between us.” With another breath, she set her shoulders and let her free hand curl tightly into a fist. “I found a gentleman who I thought I should like to marry. He was a Marquess, well-mannered, and with a good fortune, but though I tried to catch his attention, I quickly realized that there were too many young ladies within thetonwho were doing the same thing as I. Thus,” she continued, her heart pounding and filling her veins with a twisting anxiety, “I determined that I should force a match between us, by having society find us in a somewhat… compromising position.”
Lord Childers turned his head towards her sharply and Prudence dropped hers so that she could not even see him out of the corner of her eye.
“I see.”
He said nothing more and Prudence, daring to glance at him, saw him frown.
“I did not succeed, of course,” she finished, wanting to have her confession completed just as soon as she could. “The gentleman was unaware of my intentions and did not know at all what had happened.”
“How could that be?”
Wincing, Prudence turned her head away entirely, her fingers curling tightly.
“I – I purchased something which I placed within his brandy glass,” she whispered, wondering if he could hear her. “I was able to lead him to a quiet room without his awareness and then I waited in the hope of being discovered. And, what is worse,” she added, knowing that this was the last thing for her to say, “I attempted to do so on more than one occasion. And none of my attempts succeeded. However, thetonwere aware that Ihad donesomethingon that first occasion, and thus I became a wallflower.”
“And you thought that, if you forced this match, then you would be able to regain your position,” Lord Childers said slowly, as Prudence nodded, still unable to look at him. “Might I ask if you had any particular feelings for the gentleman?”
“No, none!” Prudence exclaimed, her eyes finding his in an instant. “It was not about emotion. It wasneverabout what I felt or what he felt for me. Instead, all that I thought about was my social standing and my requirement for a suitable match.”
Lord Childers let out a breath and then shook his head, his eyes now turned to the path rather than to her.
