Page 36 of The Wallflower's Choice
“If you are concerned about my betrothal to Lord Kingshill, though it has not come about yet, then–”
“It is not about your connection to Lord Kingshill.” Lord Childers then shook his head, pressing her hand a little. “That is to say, itisabout that in some ways, though it is not the primary reason for my thoughts and my confusion. The reason I say this, Lady Prudence, is because I do not want you to misunderstand.”
“Then please, do share the truth with me.”
Her voice was breathless, her stomach twisting hard as she fought to keep her gaze steady. There was something significant here, she could tell. Something momentous which they were both about to stumble into, should he be bold enough to tell her and should she be willing enough to hear it. She could barely take in a breath, her chest tight as her fingers gripped his a little more.
“I shall.” Lord Childers frowned, then, rubbing one hand over his chin he paused, perhaps trying to find the right words to say. “Lady Prudence, the truth is that, while I am concerned about your connection to Lord Kingshill, I never once expected to have such concerns. In truth, I believed that I was doing it all to make certain that my friend could have what he desired, without putting too much difficulty in his path.”
“Difficulty?”
Lord Childers’ mouth flattened, and he shook his head again.
“The truth is, Lady Prudence, that Lord Kingshill has never expressed a desire to change his ways.” He pressed her hand again and then dropped it, leaving her feeling suddenly cold. “What he wanted was to continue in this roguish manner, while, at the same time, having a wife and an heir produced. And I, being his friend and unwilling to lose his friendship and the camaraderie we shared, thought I would do what I could to help him.”
A chill began to creep over Prudence’s skin.
“You mean to say that you arranged this match, knowing that the lady Lord Kingshill married would be subjected to these great and difficult trials that no doubt come with being wed to a scoundrel?”
Dropping his head still lower, Lord Childers nodded.
“Yes, that is the truth.”
She took a step back from him, her whole body shaking now, rather violently.
“I did not know – I thought that…”
“I made you believe it all,” he confessed, looking up at her again. “I wanted you to be quite contented in the arrangement, for what was nothing more than a selfish reason. But as I continued in our connection, Lady Prudence, I found that the desire within my heart was no longer for my own satisfaction,nor even for my friend to be able to continue just as he is, but rather for you.”
She shook her head, her throat aching as tears began to build behind her eyes.
“I cannot marry him. I cannot let myself–”
“I do not want you to.” His hand found hers again, then the other so that both of her hands were clasped tightly in his. Prudence could not look at him, shaking her head and blinking furiously in the hope of keeping her tears pressed behind her eyes. “Lady Prudence, please. Give me just another moment to explain and then I shall let you go.” Swallowing hard, Prudence shook her head again but did not resist him, did not pull her hands out of his and step away.
Despite the pain in her heart, despite the harsh realization which had hit her about Lord Childers’ motivations in bringing her to Lord Kingshill, there was still something about being close to him, about having her hands in his which she could not bear to step away from. Not yet at least.
“Just a moment, I beg of you,” he murmured, his voice a little quieter now. “The reason that I say I do not want you to marry Lord Kingshill is because I do not think that I could bear it. Though I set out to bring you and Lord Kingshill together, I quickly discovered that what I thought I wanted was precisely the opposite of my desire. The more time that I have spent in your company, the more I have learned just how wonderful a person you are, just how beautiful your character is, and how much I desire to be in your company. You have begun to capture me, Lady Prudence, and I cannot imagine the pain which would tear through me, should you then step into Lord Kingshill’s arms.”
The tears which had burned behind her eyes now began to flow down Prudence’s cheeks and Lord Childers, his eyes flaring wide in evident horror, pulled his hand from hers tofind a handkerchief. Accepting it, Prudence wiped at her cheeks carefully, struggling to know how to respond, what she ought to say, and just what this declaration now meant.
“You – you are still a rogue.”
“Yes, I am.” Lord Childers put his free hand to his heart. “But I swear to you, I am reforming. You may not believe me, and I understand why you would not, but when I confessed to you that I was devoted to making certain that you were happy, there was only one reason for it.” His eyes softened, his expression gentling as Prudence’s heart leaped, pulling back her tears. “It is because I have come to care for you.”
Prudence did not know what to say, her words twisting in her chest and refusing to come to her lips. She swallowed once, twice, then handed Lord Childers back his handkerchief. He took it and, as their fingers brushed, Prudence’s heart cried out with what she knew to be both hope and happiness.
“Do you mean what you said?” she asked, as Lord Childers nodded fervently. “That night, I saw you with–”
“I told Lord Kingshill that I was struggling with my heart as regarded a particular young lady,” he interrupted, gently, “and his advice was to pursue another young lady entirely so that I could be free of the first.”
Prudence’s eyes widened in understanding, her fingers now tightening around his.
“You tried to forget about me?”
“Ihavetried, and I have failed,” he whispered, his nearness to her now making her skin prickle with anticipation. “I want to take Lord Kingshill’s place, Prudence. I do not know what you would think of that, nor what your father or mother would state but–”
“I will ask them.”
