Page 2 of The Wallflower's Choice
“Your sister is now Lady Newling. We are a well-connected family and with this additional connection, I must pray that thetonwill, once more, choose to accept you as you are.”
Prudence dropped her head, an ache building in her chest. She could not quite take in her father’s generosity towards her, could not quite accept that there was to be such forgiveness from him – and an encouragement to her to thereafter go in search of her own happiness. She felt as though she did not deserve any of it, so weighed down was she by the heaviness of her guilt.
“I am certain that, when the Season comes again, you will be able to return to London with a greater confidence than you have had before,” Lord Lymington said quietly, releasing Prudence’s hand and getting to his feet. “We will wait for the autumn and the winter to come and to pass and, thereafter, we will return to London together and do our level best to find you an excellent gentleman to marry.” Bending down just a little, he put one hand on Prudence’s shoulder. “Do not let your prior mistakes burnthrough you day after day after day. Look to the future, my dear Prudence. It is going to be a good deal brighter than the struggle you have now, I assure you.” With a smile, Lord Lymington made his way to the door, opened it, and stood in the doorway. “I will have a tea tray sent to you, my dear. I think that you could do with a little refreshment.”
Prudence managed to smile as her father nodded and then stepped away, leaving her to consider all that he had said. She got to her feet and went across the room to stand at the window, looking out at her father’s grand estate. For so long, she had felt nothing but heaviness within herself, a sadness which had never once faded. Now, however, there was a tiny flicker of hope which began to burn within her. Hope that shemightbe given another chance to find a suitable match for herself, hope that there could be a little happiness in her future.
Though I am still a wallflower, as I said to Papa.
That thought made Prudence drop her head, her shoulders rounding as fresh tears began to burn at the edges of her eyes. It was her fault that she was a wallflower, her fault that she was no longer encouraged to step into society. Could there truly be any sort of relief for her? Any chance of being seen as a true member of thetonrather than being asked to stand back and hide in the shadows?
“I do not deserve it,” she mumbled to herself, managing to blink back her tears. Her guilt was still much too great, her heart still weighed with regret and sorrow. Could she have even the smallest hope that she might find happiness? Or would the weight of regret and shame push her down, hold her back, and keep her away as a consequence of all the wicked things she had done?
Chapter One
Prudence licked her lips and clasped her hands together as she looked out at the ballroom. This was her first time back in London and, though the invitations had begun to arrive, that had not filled Prudence with any sense of confidence that all would be well. She did not know whether or not thetonwould welcome her back, whether what she had done last Season would still be remembered and, if it was, what society would expect from her.
The only way she would know for certain would be to step forward and attempt to insert herself back into society again, trying to converse with other gentlemen and ladies in the hope that they would speak with her.
I cannot do it.
Taking a deep breath, Prudence set her shoulders and lifted her chin. She tried to take a step forward, attempting to follow her mother and father, who had given her the time and the space she required before making her way further into the ballroom, but she could not do it. It was as though invisible strings were holding her back, tugging her back into the shadows she knew so well. Lowering her head, Prudence fought against the sense of despair that immediately began to crash over her.
Yes, she had endured being a wallflower before but, at that time, she had been utterly determined to catch Lord Newling, so it had not mattered to her. She had not cared about being back amongst the other wallflowers and had deliberately set herself apart from them, choosing to be alone rather than with the others who might understand her predicament and could share in her sorrows. Given that her only intention had been to tie herself to Lord Newling by whatever means she could, Prudence had not given a single thought to the fact that she was no longer welcomed by society, that they ignored her and forgot entirely about her presence.
She had told herself repeatedly that it would not matter in her future, for she would soon be wed, and all of thetonwould be glad to welcome her then! That had been her plan, her intention, and her expectation, and all of it had fallen apart. She now had nothing save for her own company. There was no husband to speak of, no respect from theton,no awareness of her presence as she set foot in amongst them again. Barely anyone had even glanced at her and, as Prudence twisted her fingers together, she felt herself shrink inwardly. Her father had promised that thetondid not know of what she had tried to do. They were entirely unaware that she had done her best to force Lord Newling into a situation where they could be discovered, with matrimony being the only way forward for both of them. Could she be sure of that? What if someone from society had overheard one of her conversations with either Lord Newling or her sister? What then? Even if she dared make herself step forward, then what might she be met with?
“I am sure I was not this weak before.”
Prudence shook her head to herself, irritated and upset with how little courage she had. She wanted to hurry away, to stand tall and place a smile on her lips but she could not bring herself to do either thing. Instead, the shadows made her welcome,wrapping around her shoulders as a friend might do. Prudence took another step back and let out a long, slow breath of regret.
The consequences of what she had done had not fallen on either Lord Newling or on Frederica and, given how she now felt about her actions, Prudence was glad of that. All the same, however, she felt herself filled with a fresh wave of sorrow and regret. Had she chosen to behave properly, had she chosen to simply let her sister pursue Lord Newling and looked for another gentleman herself, none of this would have happened. And perhaps then, she might have found herself happiness already, might have been contented at home, setting up in her new life as mistress of her husband’s home.
Instead, all she was left with was darkness.
“Oh,excuse me! I did not see you there.”
Prudence stepped back, only for the gentleman to laugh and sway forward, his glass of wine teetering a little too close to her. He had only just barreled into her, clearly in his cups, and much too drunk to have any real understanding about what he was doing. His speech was a little slurred, his smile slipping as he saw her frown and, much to Prudence’s astonishment, he reached out one hand towards her.
“You do not need to look like that, now,” he said, his eyebrows furrowing. “You do not look pleased to see me and everyone in thetonis usually pleased to see me.”
“Is that so?”
Prudence spoke mildly, doing her best to feign an interest while silently wondering where her mother and father had gone. If they were close by, then she would hurry to them at once or, if she could catch her mother’s eye, would silently beg of herto draw near. This gentleman was a little too bold and brash to Prudence’s mind, to the point that a warning began to ring through her, telling her to move away from him at once.
“Yes, it is.” The gentleman chuckled and swayed again, his hand still reaching out to catch hers. “I am the most jovial of all the gentlemen in London! And, I confess, the most delightful. Every young lady in London wishes to be in my company so you are very favored indeed!”
Disliking the way the gentleman’s eyes glittered, Prudence made to step back from him, only to bump into the wall of the ballroom. Panic began to climb up her throat as the gentleman advanced towards her, a clear desire set in his eyes.
“Now that you are in my company – and in such a private setting, I might add – is there something that you should like to garner from me? Thatiswhy were are here, is it not?”
Prudence’s heart began to beat a little more furiously and she quickly shook her head. Clearly, this gentleman had drunk so much liquor that he had forgotten that he had come here of his own accord and had not made any plans whatsoever with her.
“You must be mistaking me for someone else, Lord…?”
She had hoped that the question would give him pause, that he would realize that she was not who he believed her to be, but the gentleman only grinned.
“Ah, you are playing a little coy with me now, are you not?” Laughing, he set one hand flat against the wall by her shoulder, his body now blocking her path to escape. “You need not tease me, Miss Villiers. I am sure that–”
