Page 109 of Antiletum
She knows the truth, and it’s still not enough.
Mallin was wrong. Alaric was wrong. It never would have mattered at all if she’d been aware of who I was, even before we wed. Probably would have been better if I’d let myself stay dead in her heart. She’s moved on in a way that I never could. That I never will.
I waited too long.
I let her get away.
Bitterness owns my flight in the cool night. Resentment towards my father. TowardsSuredeisand Parliament and theNocturne.
I only ever wanted one single thing in my whole wretched life. My sole motivation in fighting for a better world, in taking up the mantle of Lord, of leader ofSuredeisafter the death of my family, was so we might be together in a way we weren’t allowed before. So others who might fall for a tragic love could have a happier ending. People like me and Delaney. Mallin and Selise even. It shouldn’t have taken so much convincing for them, two people who love each other and held the same social status, to be together. The only signatures that should have mattered on their marriage certificate were their’s: the two people with no space for them to sign.
With The Citadel behind me, I deny the lure of following my wife, making for the border of Omnitas. I can’t stay here. Not right now.
Had my father been honest with me; had Rainah; had I been more pushy, demanding to be reunited with Delaney long before… It might have been different. Yes, I fought for her. But not hard enough.
Though I should, I can’t make myself regret slaughtering her parents, terrible people that they were. Another thing Rainah wasn’t fully honest about. Downplaying their cruelty for the sole purpose of keeping me away.
But then, when everything fell apart all at once, Alaric told me he had been hired for a hit on the woman I’d been biding my time for. And finally, I went. Flew to her parents’ estate and saw her from afar. Right after my father and brother willingly marched to their deaths for the sole purpose that I could ascend to a pedestal. Be an incendiary that might spark the people if Parliament decided to end my life before my purpose inSuredeiswas fulfilled.
What I found was a shell of who Delaney once was.
Such a perfect opportunity it was, burning that prison to the ground after Delaney left for a visit with Tabitha. I torched the jailers right along with it. The Thornridge estate may have been Delaney’sprison, but Omnitas is mine, its borders a rope tied around my neck. The Citadel my gallows while I wait for the crate to be kicked from below my feet.
I fly all through the night over the patchwork landscape between Omnitas and Greystone, my heart beating as incessantly as my wings. As if I could outrun myself and all of my actions leading us here. What if I’d spared Rainah? Tabitha? Would my wife still hate me now? Rather than let it all flood me, I focus on the sky, the puff of translucent clouds, and the fresh air in my feathers to keep from falling apart. To let myself drop from such heights and smash on the ground.
Impulsive plans formulate while I fly.
Greystone Manor comes into view in the bright afternoon, its sprawling estate a dark blot of rolling lawns bordered by thick forest, everything in this form black and white and grey. With soul-aching desolation, my gaze wanders towards theStrigiForest. Where my wedding occurred. Where the Heartstone thumps, waiting for the others to join it, to ease its weary burden. I swear, I can hear the creak of the Ellden clock, unnaturally tracking the use of magic so Parliament may watch.
I touch down on the sill of Delaney’s tower, reminiscing on the days when I visited this window, not long ago. The leaded window is thrown open, as if left that way for me when we departed for Omnitas. Like Delaney would always be inviting me in. Always want me to come back.
But she wasn’t. She won’t.
Even the tower room itself is proof of that, Delaney hiding away from me from the very beginning.
Still, the way she lit up when she saw my owl perch upon this ledge. The quiet conversations she offered, pouring out her heart. Lettingme know her in those first couple months when I kept my distance, at least as a man. I miss it.Deos,I fucking miss it.
Man once more, I shift in the middle of the room, my feet landing soundlessly on the carpeted floor.
It still smells of Delaney in here. Her subtle sweet scent, like lavender and patchouli. Earthy and clean. All the agony I was able to mostly ignore while I flew crashes into me at once. Breath lodges in my throat while I clutch a post on her bed, wood creaking beneath my grip.
Will she sleep in here again? When she flees from The Citadel to get away from me?
I’m sure she’s left by now, headed this way.
I stride across the room, the air too thin and insubstantial, sunlight streaming through the window to beat against my bare back. Unable to fully relent, I rip open a drawer, finding pen and paper to scrawl out a hasty note. I signmyinitials: VvS. Not the name I first gave Delaney when I became hers. The one I haven’t uttered in ten years before last night. Not since I offered it to her when we were young. A phantom I kept for myself, never sharing with my family, Mallin, Alaric, or Blair.
Sebastian.
Only my wife knows that piece of me.
I fold the letter in half and writeOcelluson its exterior.
The note tents on the table where we once ate together and she smiled like she might care. Like she might enjoy my company. But even that fell apart.
The thought makes me snatch the note back, rip it to shreds, upsetting my injured hand, and fling it out the window.
I yank linens off the bed. With a sheet wrapped around my waist until I can make it to my own chambers, I quit this room that loves to steal my wife. The fucking traitor. Maybe I should contact a mason. Ask them if they can cleave the tower from the manor.
