Page 9 of Antiletum
Instinctively, I long to run my thumb over myvinculumband, but it’s out of reach under the fabric of my husband’s torn shirt, sticking to my exposed bones.
I can’t stifle the cold nervousness eating through my veins. The fear that I’m about to be scolded and ridiculed. Punished. Even after facing Val and seeing that his frustration was clearly more because of my willingness to harm myself, and not because I hold a magic to be ashamed of.
Not grower magic at all, as I was instructed to say for a lot of my life. It was easy for my parents to convince everyone their more sheltered, younger daughter had a gift like theirs, both growers themselves. That I spent so much time tucked away at the estate because I would one day oversee theirantiletumfields. The way my necromancy worked to make flowers and plants thrive was used to falsify records for the showing of my gift that was reported to Parliament.
No matter how many times I’m gently and kindly reminded here that I’m accepted, that my necromancy no longer has to be hidden and is nothing to be ashamed of, it feels wrong to be open about what I’ve been conditioned to keep secret. My reservations aren’t so easily put to bed. My falsified showing to Parliament is a terror inducing matter all its own. One Val promised me the night of our wedding that I have no need to fret over. That he will keep me safe.
But it’s natural for me to be alone.
Tabitha’s hushed voice breaks me from my thoughts, the agony of my dying hand increasing with each step, beads of sweat born from pain dampening my hairline. “I thought Val didn’t know.” Her head whips back and forth, looking for anyone in the corridors on the trek to the infirmary.
Without Tabitha’s urging, I probably wouldn’t have attempted to reach Rainah today.
I pull a deep breath through my nose for composure before whispering back through a tight jaw, “Clearly Mallin is a liar.”
The way I begged him not to tell when he barely stopped me in time from making this mistake earlier in the week…
It was far too familiar.
Heavy thuds beating ahead stop our fervent whispers, and barely too soon. Mallin the Betrayer himself rounds a corner with a kind smile when he sees us.
“Delaney!” His friendliness makes me want to turn tail and run. “I’ve just left Nelda with what you need.” He nods politely to my cousin at my side, showing her much more courtesy than Val does. “Tabitha.”
I’m inclined to believe my husband will be most relieved when my cousin leaves tomorrow.
Mallin is decked out inAltergreen, as always. His garb causes another twinge of discomfort to eat at me. Reminding me of Val’s Lord and Lady black. The silver barn owl. The colors and symbol Rainah would have worn that are now meant for me. I can’t bring myself to drape my body in the physical embodiment of my sister’s loss quite yet.
I scowl at Mallin. “It seems you’ve ratted on me after all.”
If he’s already dropped theantiletumat the infirmary, I can only guess Val sent him before coming to find me. Probably when he revealed my secret antics to my husband.
Mallin’s guilty gaze flicks to my bandage just as a lightning bolt of pain shoots to my elbow. I hunch over, facing the herringbone floor, cradling my hand to my chest and cry out. A wave of nausea churns my stomach.
Stupid, I bash myself internally as Mallin hurries forward, Tabitha grabbing my elbow.
“Alright, come on,” Mallin says. “No sense dawdling unless you really are just a glutton for pain.” Edging Tabitha away from my uninjured arm, he takes it gently, my streaming eyes glancing up to meet his. He gives me a friendly wink. “I’m beginning to have my suspicions.”
All I do is glower at him.
He winces at my expression. “You have every right to be angry with me, my Lady. I broke your confidence, and so soon into our friendship. I should have warned you that I was going to tell Val, and I didn’t. There’s no excuse. For that, I apologize.”
Mallin sounds so sincere it gives me pause.
In my silence he continues. “You had that glint in your eye. The more I thought about it, the more I was worried you would take it a step further. And I was right. Val needed to know. You are in no danger from him. From any of us. Not for any reason.”
I huff, trying to stifle a multifaceted sob. My deadening hand begins to cramp, my fingers curling in the beginnings of rigor mortis. “That wasn’t your call to make,” I defend through gritted teeth and the panic fizzling in my chest as I fail to extend my fingers.
Mallin hurries our pace, Tabitha’s heels clicking along beside us.
“Not only would Val have flayed me alive for not making him aware, but I can’t in good conscience—forme— stand by and watch you hurt yourself.” His tone is gentle, a contradiction to his swift pace to get me to our destination. “Still, I should have told you.” He turns back to Tabitha. “And you! You should be ashamed of yourself for encouraging her.”
Tabitha’s cheeks turn pink. “I wasn’t…” she trails off, knowing she’s about to lie. Tabitha absolutely encouraged my poor decisions. As she always does.
“Nonsense,” Mallin continues to scold unabashedly. “I heard you with her during both occurrences, and you were having a jolly good time. You’re going to have your own wedding soon, yes?”
“Yes.” Her response is a bitter and quiet mutter, knowing full well the point Mallin is about to present.
“I guess we can expect you to also practice without the counter of your husband then? Endure such pain?”
