Page 10 of Antiletum
The embarrassment and shame staining Tabitha’s face crawls down to her neck. Mallin is right. Tabitha likely never will practice without her husband after their wedding, though she had no reservations encouraging my own defiance.
A pang hits my heart. Both over knowing that Tabitha will be leaving me tomorrow, as well as wondering if maybe it will be for the best. We’ve always been close, as close as I’ve ever been allowed to be with anyone, but I can admit that Tabitha hasn’t always been the greatest influence for me.
The sight of the infirmary doors coming into view nearly has me sobbing with relief. Tabitha’s and Mallin’s discussion is drowned out over the roar of my heartbeat pounding in my ears. My battle with nausea is quickly coming to an end, and I will not be the victor.
Nelda comes to the doorway, clicking her tongue with a pitying expression on her lined, dark face, her grey hair pulled back into a tight knot. “Come now, sweet thing,” she says, forgoing my formal title of Lady. “You aren’t the first. You won’t be the last.”
Mallin sighs. “No, but it will be much worse now.” He glances at an Ellden clock straining on the wall in the infirmary, its round face practically scowling at me over Nelda’s shoulder.
Nelda shakes a finger at Mallin. “Don’t ever presume to be able to tell me anything I don’t already know, boy.” The elderly woman cuts Mallin with astern stare.
He chuckles. “I’d never dream of it, Grandmother.”
Night stretches over theStrigiForest, the sprawl of silver stars twinkling against black. This view is part of what made me decide to keep the tower for myself until we have to leave. The serenity of sitting on this cushioned bench with the fresh scent of hazel and oak brushing my nose. That, and my regular night time visitor who is drawn to this window, trimmed in black.
A sinking sensation pulls at my stomach, making the connection to how the starry night sky matches the colors reserved for only the Lady and Lord ofNoctuato boast.
Me and Val.
With a wistful sigh, I push away that longing that’s plagued me since Rainah’s warning, forcing me to see reason. Sometimes I wonder if I have truly gone mad.
It makes it all the worse, how kind and understanding Val has been, not pushing me despite his clear confusion regarding what changed overnight. Giving me space. I had but a few weeks to come to terms with the fact that I would be married. Not only married, but become the Lady ofNoctua. Taking the position meant for my sister. A position that drove my parents to lie to everyone about my magic. I had barely begun mourning my parents and Rainah when I was informed Parliament had sanctioned a marriage for me.
I’ve been numbed by grief for so long, far before the demise of my immediate family, I’m not sure I know how to accurately process anything. I erased the ability to cope in a productive manner over the span of the last ten years. Much easier to pretend none of it exists.
Already, I’m tempted to try reaching Rainah beyond the grave again, to get answers on why I should be wary of Val. I so desperately want to trust him for unfathomable reasons. Just as much as I want to hide away.
Indecision has never addled me so thoroughly.
Though I saw Rainah in the mirror, she didn’t communicate with words as I hoped. It was difficult to hide my disappointment, making myself laugh with Tabitha as we went to leave despite my failure. Despite my trepidation in using my magic with so many strangers abound.
I just want to understand.
A warm breeze ruffles my hair, and in the distance, I see a familiar speck of darkness gliding through the air, headed to my tower. With a smile, I open the leaded window wider, leaving ample room to perch.
A knock pulls my attention. My freshly healed hand flexes, trying to work out the lingering tingles from my reinvigorated flesh and awakening nerves. The beeswax Val suggested does wonders for elasticity. Before I make it to the door, Tabitha peeks her head in.
“Hello cousin,” she says softly over the gentle purr of music from my phonograph in the corner. She’s almost too airy. Light from the gas lamp sconce shaped like an owl waves on her golden hair. “Do you have a minute?”
“Of course, come in.”
A piercing screech calls from my window, making Tabitha jump. “Deos, that thing is back again?” She holds a dramatic hand to her heart.
I chuckle, strolling over to my window and sitting at the crimson cushioned bench to greet my visitor. As always, a branch covered in blueberries waits on the seat for me.
Perched on the sill is a male melanistic barn owl, his heart shaped face positively grinning at my approach.
In lieu of the typical white of his kin, he has a black face, matching his wise eyes, trimmings of brown around his beak. Tawny and onyx feathers mingle together on his wings with a dusting of pale speckles.
His head turns to the side, gaze narrowing with hostility on Tabitha.
“I haven’t seen him in a while. And don’t call him athing,” I scold. Honestly, we pray to owls. Tabitha’s disregard is vexing to me. “I’m glad he found me when he did. Now maybe I’ll have a friend when you leave.” My heart sinks slightly. “At least until we leave for Omnitas to settle in The Citadel.”
Absent-mindedly, I brush down a couple of errant feathers. His chest practically puffs as he inspects their smoothness like he’s done so many times since he came to me during my first full night in this tower. I will miss the bird when it’s time to go. This is the only time he’s come to me in a week, and I was beginning to think he’d forgotten about me.
Though perhaps it would be for the best. His behaviors have been indicating that he’s imprinted on me, despite clearly being an adult upon our first meeting.
“About that,” my cousin begins, coming to sit next to me. “I’m going to leave tonight.”
