Page 166 of To Scale the Emerald Mountain
Nana considers me hesitantly, and I can tell she is biting back words. “What?” I ask her impatiently.
“Does your issue with Locane’s execution have anything to do with wanting him to be in play?”
Her question takes me by surprise. “Why would I want that?”
“You have always been quite competitive. I thought perhaps you might not want him dead because the ultimate way to serve yourjustice would be for him to watch you achieve everything he has sacrificed his entire life for.”
I turn over her words, effectively planting harsh seeds of ruthless desire for victory.
“Now that you say it, his death would be much more satisfying if it was by my hand, as I hold everything he wanted, rather than putting a sword through him while he’s chained in irons.” I shudder and grimace. “I don’t know. For whatever reason, I don’t want it to be like that. It doesn’t feel like justice.”
Nana searches me knowingly. “Would it have been so difficult to tell Alec that instead directing your anger where it doesn’t belong?”
I stare at her pointedly. “Don’t do that, Nana. You’re going to make me feel worse.”
She laughs and pats my hand. “That’s not my intention, Elly. I just want you to feel, attempt to decipher why it is so, and express those emotions in a productive way. And this is progress. Everything was not simply fixed because your memories came back and you’re accepting Alec. Just because you are mates doesn’t mean it will always be easy. Talk to him.”
Nana resumes her packing, and I pace around her room, stopping at her staff and admiring its beauty. I reach behind me and stroke the cool metal of mine.
“Go find your mate and apologize. Just be honest with him, Elly.”
“I will. Thank you, Nana.” I hug her tight.
“I do want to say, just because Alec will forgive you doesn’t mean you should take advantage of that. You know he’s not the root of your suffering. It’s not fair to ask him to constantly bear the brunt, even if you know that he will.”
I begrudgingly tell her that she’s right.
We say our goodbyes with some tears knowing that everything is different. Until my capture, we’ve barely spent time away from each other. It’s new and scary, but it’s also natural and right. I told her I’m not a child anymore, and with the loss of that comes a new direction and relying on new people where Nana was always the support I went to. I’m grateful for all that she has done and sacrificed for me, putting her life on hold to make sure her motherless granddaughter would never go without.
Nana was always the strong pillar in my life that I leaned on. Alec was always there, but not quite at the forefront. Through the unexpected circumstances of life, she has taken that step back. Alec and Nana’s positions in my life have both shifted, and though we all knew the day would come, I didn’t expect it to hit so deeply. An overwhelming mixture of fear, freedom, and gratitude that aches in a way that is whole, healthy, and necessary washes over me as we hold each other, knowing that our era together has come to its end.
The veil of childhood doesn’t last, and whether the change comes gradually, or all at once, we all must eventually take the step away from whatever foundations helped create us to build lives of our own.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
ELLYA
Itug on the precious thread that constantly seeks to be near my mate and follow it to the door of Alec’s bedchamber, down the hall from Nana’s.
Standing at the door, I attempt to calm my jumping heart as I work up the courage to knock.
“I know that you are there, Ellya,” Alec’s deep voice calls, muffled through the door.
I loosen an anxious sigh and open the door. I have only been in his chambers a handful of times, and I take a second to glance around the room: plainer than mine, but still luxurious, decorated in vibrant shades of blues and silver. A grand bookshelf spans half of a wall and beside it sits a rack filled with weapons.
Alec has changed into his more standard attire, his crown thrown haphazardly on the bed. I walk over and pick it up, relishing the weight of the regal adornment, smiling at it.
“May I help you with something?” Alec asks distantly.
Placing the crown back down, I spin to find him watching me with hesitation, arms crossed. He’s raising walls against me. My heart feels like it’s being flattened.
I walk to him slowly, chewing my lower lip. Stopping just in front of him, I unwind his arms to take one of his hands in both of mine. He allows me, but he studies me with trepidation.
“I wanted to apologize,” I say.
Alec’s tension eases a fraction, and I stroke a thumb over the back of his hand. “I do not think I have ever heard you say that before,” he says, a corner of his full mouth rising.
I look up at him with mock offense. “I have apologized to you before!”
