Page 112 of To Scale the Emerald Mountain
“That’s not fair,” I choke out.
“None of this is fair.”
“Then why are you asking?” My tears begin to fall when Alec places both warm hands on either side of my face, forcing me to see him.
“Because my own morbid self-loathing already knows the answer but longs to hear you say it.” He brushes the tears away from my cheeks with his calloused thumbs. “I know that I am not being fair, but I feel what I feel, Ellya. The least I can do is be honest with you about it.”
Alec pushes the hair back from my face, cradling my head between his hands.
“Accept me,” he pleads, his gaze compelling me to do as he begs.
But not really.
Not inthe binding way that he could force upon me, because though I may not know him anymore, I am fully aware that Alec would never. My heart squeezes tighter.
“I won’t.” I avert my eyes away from his pain before I break completely.
“Why? Tell me why. I only want to be here for you—to love you. The same as I always have.”
I don’t deserve what he offers.
My face contorts with the rage I hopelessly cling to, trying to hide everything else. My hot tears continue to fall while the storm of guilt and regret churns inside me.
“Will you not accept me because you truly do not want me anymore? Or because you think you cannot be forgiven for the things you were coerced into doing?”
My breaths become a panicked rattle as Alec speaks words that paint how clearly he’s seen me this whole time. I try to work past him, to escape the steadily shrinking room. He plants his feet—unmovable—one hand still cupping my cheek and grabs my shoulder, determined to follow me if I try to jump.
“There is nothing that could ever happen to make me stop needing you more than I need the air in my lungs,” he declares passionately.
Alec kisses my forehead gently, and I can’t stop myself from breathing in his leather and salt scent that wraps around me like a comforting blanket. Closing my eyes, I lean into his touch, sighing at the increased pressure of his lips against my skin.
“I don’t want to be your air,” I grit out.
Alec releases my face, slapping the doorframe hard.
“I can feel you longing for me! Every day, I can sense your yearning to be near me. Even now, as your words push me away, yourbody leans into my touch, because you need me just as much as I need you!” He’s screaming in my face, making my eardrums rattle.
“I don’t need you!” I yell, pushing him away from me, but he stands firm.
“You can keep trying to lie to yourself, but you cannot lie to me,” Alec tells me angrily. The emotion bleeds from his face into something softer, something desperate, his dark eyes shining with gathering tears. “Please, Ellya. Just be here with me.”
“I don’t want to be here at all.”
We stare off for a moment before he finally relents. He reluctantly drops his hand from the doorframe and moves aside, turning his head as if he can’t bear to watch me physically walk away.
I storm past him, down the hall, and straight out the door until I reach the arid, outside air under the porte cochere. I jump to the outskirts of the city, near the urban farms and greenhouses.
An anguished scream wrenches from my throat, directed at the skies.
Crouching down, I release a massive current that rips fiercely through my body, electrifying my frayed nerves. It explodes away from me, spider webbing through the grass and reaching an apple tree, imploding it from the center in a great plume of smoke.
I gave in to my yearning, hoping that it might ease my heartache, but it has only made the sting of my betrayal more stout, burning me alive from the inside out.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
ELLYA
I’ve lost track of how much time has passed since my dreadful conversation with Alec.
