Page 10 of Her Grumpy Biker
My worry and fear morph into something else, something deeper and more intense. Guilt. I’m upset with her, but I’m devastated by my own inaction. I should have been there. I should have somehow stopped her from ever being in this position in the first place. Maybe if I asked her questions the same way she asked me, I’d know more about her and why she felt like this was her only option.
“What were you thinking?” I finally clip out.
I don’t mean for it to come across so harshly, but all of these emotions bubbling to the surface are suffocating me. It’s hard to breathe, let alone speak. I know why she did what she did. The same reason most drug mules have: money.
When she doesn’t answer, I try again. “Why did you need the money? You have a job.”
Still nothing. Radio silence from Camden. I can’t even look at her. I’m mad at myself, worried sick, unable to process, and losing control of my words.
“I don’t get it,” I say after a few moments of pacing. “How could you be so gullible?”
A soft cry pierces my heart. I turn my attention to Camden, who I notice for the first time is curled up into a ball in the corner of the couch. Her head is in her hands, and she’s shaking as silent sobs wrack her body.
My anger is crushed under the weight of shame. I made her cry. I did this to her. I don’t fucking deserve her, but I’ll be a better man. I’ll be everything she needs.
I collapse on the couch next to Camden, pulling her into my arms. She melts against me, tucking her face into the side of myneck. Her tears wet my skin, and I hold her closer, infusing my strength into her soul.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I whisper. “I was so worried when I saw you. Fucking terrified. And then Stitch laid his hands on you, and I lost my shit. If something happened to you and I wasn’t there…” I trail off and tilt my head up, searching for the right words as if they’re written on the ceiling. “I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. It won’t happen again. Please, Camden, just talk to me.”
She straightens up a bit, creating some distance between us. Camden won’t meet my gaze, and while it stings, I understand. I was a dick to her after a traumatic evening, and she’s shutting down. I need to be more careful with my woman from now on.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. Camden twists her fingers together on her lap in a nervous gesture.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I murmur. “Just help me understand. How did you end up in this position?”
I wait for her response, though each passing second feels like a thousand years. Finally, Camden takes a deep breath and squeezes her hands into fists.
“I don’t trust anyone anymore,” she says, her voice so quiet I almost don’t hear it. “I don’t trust myself. I can’t trust my family or anyone on the compound. I can’t trust anyone on the outside. I was stupid to think I could make it on my own. I’m naive and gullible, just like you said. You were right about everything.”
My heart falls right out of my chest and shatters on the floor. I want to punch myself in the goddamn face for saying those things to her. Yes, I think Camden could be more careful, but I never meant to crush her spirit.
“Camden,” I breathe out before kissing her temple. “I was careless with my words. You’re not stupid, and I never thought you were. Your innocence and curiosity are part of who you are, and they don’t make you weak.”
She shrugs and curls in on herself a little more. I’m fucking all this up.
“You can trust me,” I tell her, placing one of my hands over both of hers.
Camden lifts her head, looking at me for the first time in what feels like years. Her emerald eyes peer right down into the depths of who I am, and I pray to a god I don’t believe in that she finds whatever she’s looking for.
“Let me in, Camden. Please, let me be the one you can count on. I promise I won’t let you down.” I’ve never begged for anything in my life, but I’m ready to drop to my knees if it will convince this woman to put her faith in me.
My girl blinks a few times and then nods. I lift one of her hands to my lips and press a kiss on her palm. I’m not sure where the gesture came from, but it seems to clear the last of the doubt from Camden’s mind.
“I grew up in a cult.”
6
CAMDEN
Diego freezes at my words. The hand he has covering both of mine stiffens, and the air becomes suffocatingly silent. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to talk about my past ever again, but I suppose that’s another naive idea.
“We’re called Revenant Church. I mean,they.They’recalled Revenant Church. I left almost a month ago,” I say in a rush. I want to get this all out and not have to think about it anymore. I know that’s not how anything works, but right now, it’s what I’m clinging to. One day, I won’t be defined by the way I grew up.
“Camden,” Diego whispers. He seems to have recovered from the shock of my confession. “Jesus Christ.” His eyes widen, and he looks at me in panic. “Sorry,” he apologizes. “No offense.”
Despite the circumstances, I find myself smiling at the giant bearded biker. His tattoos, scars, and rippling muscles are just a cover-up for the soft heart I know he has deep down.
“No offense taken,” I assure him. “I don’t know what I believe anymore, but I know what I experienced growing up isn’t what the Bible preaches.”
