Page 21 of The Hang Up
“Mom,” I say softly, standing in the doorway.
She glances up, eyebrows raised slightly. “What?”
“I talked to Holden tonight,” I say cautiously, watching her expression carefully.
“Oh?” she responds, feigning disinterest, eyes fixed on her puzzle again.
“He told me what you said to him years ago. About him not being good enough for me.”
She pauses, the pen hovering over the puzzle, but she doesn't look at me. “He wasn’t.”
Anger flares inside me, hot and immediate. “Who were you to decide that, Mom? It was my life, my choice. You had no right.”
She finally sets the pen down, meeting my eyes defiantly. “I did what was best for you. You deserved better than someone who had no future. He needed to get himself together, and you needed stability. I stand by what I said.”
Tears sting my eyes, my fists clenching tightly at my sides. “You don’t even regret it, do you? You cost me years of happiness, Mom. You cost me the one person I truly loved.”
She shrugs dismissively, reaching for her tea. “Love isn’t everything, Lena. You’ll understand that someday.”
Something inside me snaps. A lifetime of bitterness, resentment, and exhaustion boils over, flooding me with an overwhelming urge to escape. “I’ve sacrificed everything for you. My happiness, my dreams, my life, I gave it all up. And you don’t even care. You’re not even grateful.”
She eyes me coldly, her voice steady. “I never asked you to.”
Her words land like a physical blow.
I stare at her in disbelief. “You never had to ask. I did it because I loved you. Because I thought it was the right thing to do. But it wasn’t, was it?”
She says nothing, returning to her crossword and dismissing me entirely.
I turn on my heel, anger and hurt propelling me back to my bedroom. Slamming the door behind me, I sit heavily on my bed, hands trembling as I reach for my phone. Tears blur my vision as I dial Auden’s number.
She picks up immediately. “Hey, Lena. What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this anymore,” I sob, the dam finally breaking. “I talked to Holden, and he told me what my mom did. She ruined everything, Auden. She pushed him away and never told me. She’s not even sorry.”
“Oh, Lena,” Auden murmurs softly, her voice heavy with sympathy.
“I’ve spent my entire life caring for her, putting my needs and wants aside, and she doesn’t even appreciate it. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want a life. I want to be able to make my own choices and only have to worry about myself.”
“Then do it,” Auden says firmly. “You’re allowed to have your own life. You’re not responsible for your mom’s happiness or health, Lena. She’s an adult. She should figure out how to take care of herself.”
“But I’ve always been the one to handle everything,” I whisper uncertainly. “What if she can’t manage without me?”
“She’ll figure it out,” Auden assures me gently. “Maybe it’s time for both of you to finally stand on your own. What’s stopping you from moving out and starting your own life?”
Her question hangs in the air, heavy with possibilities. “I don’t know,” I admit softly. “Maybe fear? Guilt?”
“You deserve happiness, Lena. Real happiness. Don’t let fear hold you back.”
We talk late into the night. Auden’s words sink in slowly, planting seeds of courage and possibility deep within my heart. By the time we hang up, exhaustion pulls me under, and I drift into restless sleep.
When morning comes, sunlight filters softly through my curtains, but it brings no clarity. I wake up even more confused than before, caught between duty and desire, obligation and freedom. The only certainty is the burning ache in my heart, reminding me of Holden’s kiss, his words, and the life I so desperately crave.
For the first time in years, I realize I have a choice.
The realization is exhilarating and utterly terrifying.
TWELVE
